- [last lines]
- Brian Johnson: [closing narration] Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...
- Andrew Clark: ...and an athlete...
- Allison Reynolds: ...and a basket case...
- Claire Standish: ...a princess...
- John Bender: ...and a criminal.
- Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
- Richard Vernon: You're not fooling anyone, Bender. The next screw that falls out will be you.
- John Bender: Eat my shorts.
- Richard Vernon: What was that?
- John Bender: Eat... my... shorts.
- Richard Vernon: You just bought yourself another Saturday.
- John Bender: Ooh, I'm crushed.
- Richard Vernon: You just bought one more.
- John Bender: Well I'm free the Saturday after that. Beyond that, I'm going to have to check my calendar.
- Richard Vernon: Good, cause it's going to be filled. We'll keep going. You want another one? Just say the word say it. Instead of going to prison you'll come here. Are you through?
- John Bender: No.
- Richard Vernon: I'm doing society a favor.
- John Bender: So?
- Richard Vernon: That's another one right now! I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step. You want another one?
- John Bender: Yes.
- Richard Vernon: You got it! You got another one right there! That's another one pal!
- Claire Standish: Cut it out!
- Richard Vernon: You through?
- John Bender: Not even close bud!
- Richard Vernon: Good! You got one more right there!
- John Bender: You really think I give a shit?
- Richard Vernon: Another! You through?
- John Bender: How many is that?
- Brian Johnson: That's seven including when we first came in and you asked Mr. Vernon whether Barry Manilow knew that he raided his closet.
- Richard Vernon: Now it's eight. You stay out of this.
- Brian Johnson: Excuse me sir, it's seven.
- Richard Vernon: Shut up, peewee.
- John Bender: [Imitating his Father] Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk.
- [Imitating his Mother]
- John Bender: You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful.
- [Father's voice]
- John Bender: Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie.
- [His own voice]
- John Bender: No dad, what about you?
- [Father's voice]
- John Bender: Fuck you.
- [His own voice]
- John Bender: No dad, what about you?
- [Father's voice]
- John Bender: Fuck you.
- [His own voice]
- John Bender: Dad, what about you?
- [Father's voice]
- John Bender: Fuck you!
- [Pantomimes getting punched in the face]
- Brian Johnson: Is that for real?
- John Bender: You wanna come over sometime?
- [first lines]
- Brian Johnson: [opening narration immediately after the title sequence] Saturday, March 24, 1984. Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062. Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. What we did *was* wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. What do you care? You see us as you want to see us - in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. You see us as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Correct? That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning. We were brainwashed.
- John Bender: Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy.
- Allison Reynolds: I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million dollars to do it either.
- Claire Standish: You're lying.
- Allison Reynolds: I already have. I've done just about everything there is except a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac.
- Claire Standish: Lie.
- Brian Johnson: Are your parents aware of this?
- Allison Reynolds: The only person I told was my shrink.
- Andrew Clark: And what did he do when you told him?
- Allison Reynolds: He nailed me.
- Claire Standish: Very nice.
- Allison Reynolds: I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape, since I paid him.
- Claire Standish: He's an adult.
- Allison Reynolds: Yeah, he's married too.
- Claire Standish: Do you have any idea how completely gross that is?
- Allison Reynolds: Well, the first few times...
- Claire Standish: The first few times? You mean you did it more than once?
- Allison Reynolds: Sure.
- Claire Standish: Are you crazy?
- Brian Johnson: Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing a shrink.
- Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it?
- Claire Standish: I don't even have a psychiatrist.
- Allison Reynolds: Have you ever done it with a normal person?
- Claire Standish: Didn't we already cover this?
- John Bender: You never answered the question.
- Claire Standish: Look, I'm not going to discuss my private life with total strangers.
- Allison Reynolds: It's kind of a double edged sword isn't it?
- Claire Standish: A what?
- Allison Reynolds: Well, if you say you haven't, you're a prude. If you say you have you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to but you can't, and when you do you wish you didn't, right?
- Claire Standish: Wrong.
- Allison Reynolds: Or are you a tease?
- Andrew Clark: She's a tease.
- Claire Standish: I'm sure. Why don't you just forget it.
- Andrew Clark: Oh, you're a tease and you know it. All girls are teases.
- John Bender: She's only a tease if what she does gets you hot.
- Claire Standish: I don't do anything.
- Allison Reynolds: That's why you're a tease.
- Claire Standish: OK, let me ask you a few questions.
- Allison Reynolds: I already told you everything.
- Claire Standish: No. Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love. I mean, don't you want any respect?
- Allison Reynolds: I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me.
- Claire Standish: It's not the only difference I hope.
- John Bender: Face it, you're a tease.
- Claire Standish: I'm NOT a tease.
- John Bender: Sure you are. Sex is your weapon. You said it yourself. You use it to get respect.
- Claire Standish: No, I never said that she twisted my words around.
- John Bender: What do you use it for then?
- Claire Standish: I don't use it period.
- John Bender: Oh, are you medically frigid or is it psychological?
- Claire Standish: I didn't mean it that way. You guys are putting words into my mouth.
- John Bender: Well, if you'd just answer the question.
- Brian Johnson: Why don't you just answer the question?
- Andrew Clark: Be honest.
- John Bender: No big deal.
- Brian Johnson: Yeah answer it.
- Andrew Clark: Answer the question, Claire.
- John Bender: Talk to us. Every one: C'mon, answer the question. Come on. Answer it.
- John Bender: C'mon, it's easy. It's only one question.
- Claire Standish: NO I NEVER DID IT.
- Allison Reynolds: I never did it either. I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar.
- Claire Standish: You know why guys like you knock everything?
- John Bender: Oh, this should be stunning.
- Claire Standish: It's because you're afraid.
- John Bender: Oh God, you richies are so smart, that's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.
- Claire Standish: You're a big coward.
- Brian Johnson: I'm in the math club.
- Claire Standish: See, you're afraid that they won't take you, you don't belong, so you have to just dump all over it.
- John Bender: Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?
- Claire Standish: Well, you wouldn't know, you don't even know any of us.
- John Bender: Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not going to run out and join one of their fucking clubs.
- Andrew Clark: Hey! Let's watch the mouth, huh?
- Brian Johnson: I'm in the physics club too.
- John Bender: Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?
- Brian Johnson: Well, what I had said was I'm in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club... physics club.
- John Bender: Hey, Cherry. Do you belong to the physics club?
- Claire Standish: That's an academic club.
- John Bender: So?
- Claire Standish: So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.
- John Bender: Ah... but to dorks like him, they are. What do you guys do in your club?
- Brian Johnson: Well, in physics we... we talk about physics, properties of physics.
- John Bender: So it's sorta social, demented and sad, but social. Right?
- Richard Vernon: What if your home... what if your family... what if your *dope* was on fire?
- John Bender: [truthfully] Impossible, sir. It's in Johnson's underwear.
- Andrew Clark: I taped Larry Lester's buns together.
- Brian Johnson: That was you?
- Andrew Clark: Yeah, you know him?
- Brian Johnson: Yeah, I know him.
- Andrew Clark: Well, then you know how hairy he is. And when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some - some skin, too.
- Claire Standish: Oh my God.
- Andrew Clark: And the bizarre thing is that I did it for my old man. I tortured this poor kid because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He's always going off about how when he was in school and all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right? So I'm sitting in the locker room and I'm taping up my knee, and Larry's undressing a couple lockers down from me. And he's kinda, he's kinda skinny. Weak. And I started thinkin' about my father, and his attitude about, about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I jumped on top of him and started whaling on him. And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I'm sitting in Vernon's office, all I could think about was Larry's father and Larry having to go home and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation - the fucking humiliation he must have felt. It must have been unreal. I mean, how... how do you apologize for something like that? There's no way. It's all because of me and my old man. God, I fucking hate him. He's like this mindless machine that I can't even relate to anymore.
- [crying, imitating his father]
- Andrew Clark: 'Andrew! You've got to be number one! I won't tolerate any losers in this family! Your intensity is for shit! Win! Win! Win!' You son of a bitch. You know, sometimes I wish my knee would give. And I wouldn't be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me.
- John Bender: Uh, Dick? Excuse me; Rich. Will milk be made available to us?
- Andrew Clark: We're extremely thirsty, sir.
- Claire Standish: I have a really low tolerance for dehydration.
- Andrew Clark: I've seen her dehydrate, sir. It's pretty gross.
- John Bender: [after Claire performs her lipstick trick, claps sarcastically] Wow, Claire. That was great. My image of you is totally blown.
- Allison Reynolds: You're a shit. Don't do that to her, you swore to God you wouldn't laugh.
- John Bender: Am I laughing?
- Andrew Clark: [shouts angrily] You fuckin' prick!
- John Bender: What do you care what I think anyway? I don't even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference. I might as well not even exist at this school, remember?
- [turns to Claire]
- John Bender: And you... don't like me anyway.
- Claire Standish: You know, I have just as, many feelings as you do and it hurts so much when someone steps all over them.
- John Bender: God! You're so pathetic. Don't you ever, *ever* compare yourself to me, okay. You got everything, and I got shit. Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? School would probably fuckin' shut down if you didn't show up. Queenie isn't here. I like those earrings, Claire.
- Claire Standish: Shut up.
- John Bender: Are those real diamonds Claire?
- Claire Standish: Shut up.
- John Bender: I bet they are. Did you work for the money for those earrings?
- Claire Standish: Shut your mouth.
- John Bender: Or did your daddy buy those for you?
- Claire Standish: [shouts] SHUT UP!
- John Bender: I'll bet he bought those for you. I bet those were a Christmas gift. Right? You know what I got for Christmas? Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the old Bender family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up Johnny." All right? So go home and cry to your Daddy. Don't cry here, okay?
- Andrew Clark: My God, are we gonna be like our parents?
- Claire Standish: Not me. Ever.
- [Bender nods]
- Allison Reynolds: It's unavoidable. It just happens.
- Allison Reynolds: When you grow up, your heart dies.
- John Bender: So, who cares?
- Allison Reynolds: I care.
- John Bender: [after Claire kisses his neck] Why'd you do that?
- Claire Standish: 'Cause I knew you wouldn't.
- Claire Standish: [pause] Were you truly disgusted with what I did with my lipstick?
- John Bender: The truth?
- Claire Standish: Yeah.
- John Bender: [nods] No.
- John Bender: Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other?
- [Claire nods agreeingly]
- John Bender: Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?
- [Claire is doing Allison's make-up]
- Claire Standish: You know, you look a lot better without all that black shit under your eyes.
- Allison Reynolds: Hey, I like all that black shit... Why are you being so nice to me?
- Claire Standish: Because you're letting me.
- John Bender: What's in there?
- Claire Standish: Guess? Where's your lunch?
- John Bender: You're wearing it.
- Claire Standish: You're nauseating.
- John Bender: [pointing to Claire's lunch] What's that?
- Claire Standish: Sushi.
- John Bender: Sushi?
- Claire Standish: Rice, raw fish, and seaweed.
- John Bender: You won't accept a guy's tongue in your mouth, and you're going to eat that?
- Claire Standish: Can I eat?
- John Bender: I don't know. Give it a try.
- John Bender: YOU ARE A BITCH.
- Claire Standish: Why? 'Cause I'm telling the truth, that makes me a bitch?
- John Bender: NO. 'Cause you know how shitty that is to do someone, and you don't got the balls to stand up to your friends and tell them you're gonna like who you wanna like.
- John Bender: Sporto.
- Andrew Clark: What?
- John Bender: You get along with your parents?
- Andrew Clark: Well, if I say yes I'm an idiot, right?
- John Bender: You're an idiot anyway. But if you say you get along with your parents, well, you're a liar too.
- Allison Reynolds: You have problems.
- Andrew Clark: Oh, I have problems?
- Allison Reynolds: You do everything everyone tells you to do and that is a problem.
- Andrew Clark: Okay, fine, but I didn't dump my purse out on the couch and invite everyone into my problems.
- [Richard Vernon places magazine rack in front of door to hold it open]
- John Bender: That's very clever, sir. But what if there's a fire? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture in your career, sir.
- Andrew Clark: Why do you have to insult everybody?
- John Bender: I'm being honest, asshole. I would expect you to know the difference.
- John Bender: What're we having?
- Brian Johnson: Uh, it's your standard, regular lunch I guess...
- [Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos. He sets it on the table and points at it]
- John Bender: Milk?
- Brian Johnson: Uh, soup.
- John Bender: Ah.
- [Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box. Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand]
- Brian Johnson: That's apple juice...
- John Bender: I *can* read. PB & J with the crusts cut off... Well, Brian, this is a very nutritious lunch. All the food groups are represented. Did your mom marry Mr. Rogers?
- Brian Johnson: Uh, no, Mr. Johnson.
- Andrew Clark: So what's wrong? What is it? Is it bad? Real bad? Parents?
- Allison Reynolds: Yeah.
- Andrew Clark: What did they do to you?
- Allison Reynolds: They ignore me.
- Andrew Clark: Yeah.
- Andrew Clark: Speak for yourself.
- John Bender: Do you think I'd speak for you? I don't even know your language.
- John Bender: [crawling above the ceiling] A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm, and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. The bartender says, "I suppose you won't be needing a drink." Naked lady says...
- [the ceiling breaks, and he falls through]
- John Bender: Oh, *shit*!
- Richard Vernon: [hearing the crash from his office] Jesus Christ Almighty!
- [John sees Andrew and Claire angrily stunned]
- John Bender: [to the other students] Forgot my pencil.
- Richard Vernon: [enters the library] Goddamn it! What in God's name is going on in here? What was that ruckus?
- Andrew Clark: Uh, what ruckus?
- Richard Vernon: I was just in my office and I heard a ruckus.
- Brian Johnson: Could you describe the ruckus, sir?
- Richard Vernon: Watch your tongue, young man, watch it.
- Andrew Clark: Look, you guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here. I got a meet this Saturday and I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.
- John Bender: Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet!
- Andrew Clark: You wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! You never competed in your whole life!
- John Bender: Oh, I know. I feel all empty inside because of it. I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.
- Andrew Clark: Ah, you'd never make it. You don't have any goals.
- John Bender: Oh, but I do!
- Andrew Clark: Yeah?
- John Bender: I wanna be just... like... you. I figure all I need is a lobotomy and some tights!
- Brian Johnson: You wear tights?
- Andrew Clark: No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.
- Brian Johnson: Tights.
- Andrew Clark: [short pause] Shut up!
- John Bender: [running through the halls singing] I wanna be an airborne ranger / I wanna lead a life of danger / Before the day I die / There's five things I wanna ride / Bicycle, tricycle, automobile / Virgin's mother and a ferris wheel...
- Brian Johnson: [after Brian explains his F in shop] Did you know without trigonometry, there'd be no engineering?
- John Bender: Without lamps, there'd be no light.
- Andrew: [after Claire has given Allison a makeover] What happened to you?
- Allison Reynolds: Why? Claire did it... What's wrong?
- Andrew: Nothing's wrong... it's just so different, you know? I can see your face.
- Allison Reynolds: Is that good or bad?
- Andrew: It's good.
- [as Bender prepares to urinate under his desk]
- Andrew Clark: Hey, you're not urinating in here, man.
- John Bender: Don't talk. Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.
- [Vernon catches Bender playing basketball in the gym]
- John Bender: Don't you want to hear my excuse?
- Richard Vernon: Out.
- John Bender: I'm thinkin' of tryin' out for a scholarship.
- John Bender: My impression of life at Big Bri's house, "Son?" "Yeah, Dad?" "How was your day, son?" "Great, Dad. How's yours?" "Super. Say, how would like to go fishing this weekend?" "Great, Dad. But I got homework to do." "That's okay, son. You can do it on the boat." "Gee." "Hon, isn't our son swell?" "Yes, dear. Isn't life swell?"
- [kiss]
- Claire Standish: Why didn't you want me to know that you are a virgin?
- Brian Johnson: Because it's personal business. It's my personal, private business.
- John Bender: Well, Brian, it doesn't sound like you're doing any business.
- Claire Standish: Do you know how popular I am? I am so popular. Everybody loves me so much at this school.
- John Bender: Poor baby.
- Claire Standish: [about her parents] I don't think either one of them gives a shit about me. It's like they use me just to get back at each other.
- Allison Reynolds: [her first word of dialogue so far] Ha!
- Claire Standish: [long pause] Shut up!
- Claire Standish: What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together. They'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you were doing it with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me.
- John Bender: Don't you ever talk about my friends. You don't know any of my friends. You don't look at any of my friends. And you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends. So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's BMW, and your poor, rich drunk mother in the Caribbean.
- Claire Standish: SHUT UP!
- John Bender: And as far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the hallways of school together, you can forget it cuz it's never gonna happen. Just bury your head in the sand and wait for your fuckin' prom.
- Claire Standish: [Crying] I hate you!
- John Bender: Yeah? Good!
- Allison Reynolds: I don't have to run away and live in the street. I can run away and I can go to the ocean, I can go to the country, I can go to the mountains. I could go to Israel, Africa, Afghanistan.
- Andrew Clark: So... what's your poison?
- [Allison says nothing]
- Andrew Clark: ... Ok, forget I asked.
- Allison Reynolds: Vodka.
- Andrew Clark: Vodka? When do you drink vodka.
- Allison Reynolds: Whenever.
- Andrew Clark: How much?
- Allison Reynolds: Tons.
- Allison Reynolds: Your middle name is Ralph, as in puke, your birth date's March 12th, you're 5'9 and a half, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 049380913.
- Andrew Clark: Wow. Are you psychic?
- Allison Reynolds: No.
- Brian Johnson: Well, would you mind telling me how you know all this about me?
- Allison Reynolds: I stole your wallet.
- John Bender: How does one become a janitor?
- Carl: You wanna be a janitor?
- John Bender: No, I just want to know how one becomes a janitor. Because Andrew here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts.
- Carl: Oh really? You guys think I'm just some untouchable peasant? Serf? Peon? Well, maybe so. But following a broom around after shitheads like you for the last 8 years, I've learned a couple of things. I look through your letters. I look through your lockers. I listen to your conversations, you don't know that but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends.
- [Carl looks up at the clock and looks at his watch]
- Carl: By the way, that clock's 20 minutes fast.
- Andrew Clark: I said, leave her alone.
- John Bender: You gonna make me?
- Andrew Clark: Yeah.
- John Bender: You and how many of your friends?
- Andrew Clark: Just me. Just you and me. Two hits. Me hitting you. You hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready, pal.
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