Quotes

The Blues Brothers

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Elwood: [2:00:54] It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it.

Elwood: [50:30] Illinois Nazis.
Jake: I hate Illinois Nazis.

Mrs. Murphy: [1:00:21] May I help you boys?
Elwood: You got any white bread?
Mrs. Murphy: Yes.
Elwood: I'll have some toasted white bread please.
Mrs. Murphy: You want butter or jam on that toast, honey?
Elwood: No ma'am, dry.
[Mrs. Murphy gives him a look, then turns to Jake]
Jake: Got any fried chicken?
Mrs. Murphy: Best damn chicken in the state
Jake: Bring me four fried chickens and a Coke
Mrs. Murphy: You want chicken wings or chicken legs?
Jake: Four fried chickens and a Coke
Elwood: And some dry white toast please
Mrs. Murphy: Y'all want anything to drink with that?
Elwood: No ma'am
Jake: A Coke
Mrs. Murphy: Be up in a minute
Mrs. Murphy: We got two honkies out there dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants
Matt Murphy: Say what?
Mrs. Murphy: They look like they're from the CIA, or somethin'
Matt Murphy: What they want to eat?
Mrs. Murphy: The tall one wants white bread, toasted, dry, with nothin' on it.
Matt Murphy: Elwood
Mrs. Murphy: And the other one wants four whole fried chickens and a Coke
Matt Murphy: And Jake. Shit, the Blues Brothers!

[repeated line]
Elwood: We're on a mission from God.

Police Dispatcher: Use of unnecessary violence in the apprehension of the Blues Brothers HAS been approved.

Elwood: [1:17:20] What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire: Oh, we got both kinds. We got country *and* western.

Jake: [37:01] How often does the train go by?
Elwood: So often that you won't even notice it.

Elwood: We're so glad to see so many of you lovely people here tonight. And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community that have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time. We certainly hope you all enjoy the show. And remember, people, that no matter who you are and what you do to live, thrive and survive, there're still some things that makes us all the same. You. Me. Them. Everybody. Everybody.
Jake: [singing] Everybody, Needs somebody, Everybody, Needs somebody to love, Someone to love
Elwood: Someone to love
Jake: Sweetheart to miss
Elwood: Sweetheart to miss
Jake: Sugar to kiss
Elwood: Sugar to kiss
Jake: I need you you you, I need
Elwood, Jake: You you you
Jake: I need
Elwood, Jake: You you you...

[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone]
Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open drawbridge]
Jake: Car's got a lot of pickup.
Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
[a brief thinking pause while Jake attempts to light a cigarette]
Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter.

Jake: [13:42] Forget it! Five grand? No problem, we'll have it for you in the morning. Let's go, Elwood.
Sister Mary Stigmata: No, no! I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake: Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of language]
Sister Mary Stigmata: I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake: I offered to help you... You refused to take our money. Then I said: I guess you're really up Shit Creek!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]
Elwood: Christ, Jake. Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake: Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]
Elwood: Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake: Shit!

[while standing at the entrance to the Triple Rock church watching the service with much dancing and Hallelujah choruses, a heavenly light shines down on Jake and he has an epiphany]
Jake: [21:29] The band. The band.
Reverend Cleophus James: Do you see the light?
Jake: The band!
Reverend Cleophus James: Do you see the light?
Elwood: What light?
Reverend Cleophus James: Have you seeeen the light?
Jake: Yes! Yes! Jesus H. Tap-Dancing Christ! I have seen the light! The band, Elwood! The band!
Elwood: The band? The band. The band? The band!
Reverend Cleophus James: Praise God!
Elwood: And God bless the United States of America!

Jake: [8:00] What's this?
Elwood: What?
Jake: This car. This stupid car! Where's the Cadillac?
[Elwood doesn't answer]
Jake: The Caddy! Where's the Caddy?
Elwood: The what?
Jake: The Cadillac we used to have. The Bluesmobile!
Elwood: I traded it.
Jake: You traded the Bluesmobile for this?
Elwood: No, for a microphone.
Jake: A microphone?
[pause]
Jake: Okay I can see that. What the hell is this?
Elwood: This was a bargain. I picked it up at the Mount Prospect city police auction last spring. It's an old Mount Prospect police car. They were practically giving 'em away.
Jake: Well thank you, pal. The day I get outta prison, my own brother picks me up in a police car!
Elwood: You don't like it?
Jake: No I don't like it...
Jake: Car's got a lot of pickup
Elwood: It's got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it's got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It's a model made before catalytic converters so it'll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?
Jake: Fix the cigarette lighter

[to man in restaurant]
Jake: [53:19] How much for the little girl? The women. How much for the women?
Father: What?
Jake: Your women. I want to buy your women. The little girl, your daughters... sell them to me. Sell me your children!

Jake: [51:28] We're putting the band back together.
Mr. Fabulous: Forget it. No way.
Elwood: We're on a mission from God.

Murph: Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
Ray: Ah, you have a good eye, my man. That's the best in the city Chicago.
Jake: How much?
Ray: 2000 bucks and it's yours. You can take it home with you. As a matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for free.

Willie 'Too Big' Hall: So, Jake, you're out, you're free, you're rehabilitated. What's next? What's happenin'? What you gonna do? You got the money you owe us, motherfucker?

Jake: First you traded the Cadillac in for a microphone. Then you lied to me about the band. And now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood: They're not gonna catch us. We're on a mission from God.

[after a burst of gunfire from the Mystery Woman, Jake climbs to his feet, covered in mud from the tunnel floor]
Jake: It's good to see you, sweetheart.
Mystery Woman: You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.
[Jake falls to his knees]
Jake: Oh, please, don't kill us! Please, please don't kill us! You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault!
Mystery Woman: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.
Jake: No I didn't. Honest! I ran outta gas. I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from outta town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake, a terrible flood, locusts! It wasn't my fault! I swear to God!
[Elwood covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Jake removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the Mystery Woman visibly softens]
Mystery Woman: Oh, Jake. Jake, honey.
[Jake embraces the Mystery Woman and they kiss]
Jake: [to Elwood] Let's go.
[He drops the Mystery Woman and walks off]
Elwood: [to the Mystery Woman as he steps past her] Take it easy.

Mrs. Tarantino: [45:22] Are you the police?
Elwood: No, ma'am. We're musicians.
Mrs. Tarantino: Mister Man! Mister Man! Mister Man. They left this card.

Jake: [37:48] How are you gonna get the band back together, Mr. Hot Rodder, Mister Motorhead? Those cops have your name, your address...
Elwood: They don't have my address. I falsified my renewal. I put down 1060 West Addison.
Jake: 1060 West Addison? That's Wrigley Field.

Matt Murphy: [1:01:52] Ah. Don't get riled, sugar.
Mrs. Murphy: Don't you "Don't get riled, sugar" me! You ain't goin' back on the road no more, and you ain't playin' them ol' two-bit sleazy dives. You're livin' with me now, and you not gonna go slidin' around witcho ol' white hoodlum friends.
Matt Murphy: But babes, this is Jake and Elwood, the Blues Brothers!
Mrs. Murphy: The Blues Brothers? Shit! They still owe you money, fool.
Jake: Ma'am, would it make you feel any better if you knew that what we're asking Matt here to do is a holy thing?
Elwood: You see, we're on a mission from God.
Mrs. Murphy: Don't you blaspheme in here. Don't you blaspheme in here! This is my man, this is my restaurant, and you two are just gonna walk right out that door without your dry white toast, without your four fried chickens, and without Matt "Guitar" Murphy!

Elwood: [1:44:58] This is glue. Strong stuff.

Gruppenfuehrer: [to Head Nazi, as they plummet off the bridge] I've always loved you.

The Cheese Whiz: Did you get me my Cheez Wiz, boy?

Jake: [24:18] We'll put the band back together, do a few gigs, we get some bread. Bang! Five thousand bucks.
Elwood: Yeah, well, getting the band back together might not that be that easy, Jake.
Jake: What are you talking about?
Elwood: They split, they all took straight jobs.
Jake: Yeah, so you know where they are. You said you were gonna keep in touch with them.
Elwood: Well... I got a couple of leads, a few phone numbers, but I mean, how many of them visited or even wrote you, huh?
Jake: They're not the kinda guys who write letters. You were outside, I was inside. You were supposed to keep in touch with the band. I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood: Well, what was I gonna do? Take away your only hope? Take away the very thing that kept you going in there? I took the liberty of bullshitting you, okay?
Jake: You lied to me.
Elwood: It wasn't a lie, it was just bullshit.

Elwood: [Police have surrounded the Blues Brothers concert] ... And we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community that have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time...

Burton Mercer: [1:47:15] Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips.

[Jake Blues is released on parole and gets back all the things he wore when he was arrested]
Corrections Officer: [4:49] One Timex digital watch, broken. One unused prophylactic.
[looks disgusted, picks something up with his pen]
Corrections Officer: One soiled. One black suit jacket, one pair black suit pants. One hat
[punches it back out to full]
Corrections Officer: black. One pair of sunglasses. $23.07. Sign here.

[10:43]
Jake: What are we doing here?
Elwood: You promised you'd visit the penguin the day you got out.
Jake: Yeah? So I lied to her.
Elwood: You can't lie to a nun. We got to go in and visit the penguin.
Jake: No... fucking... way.

Mrs. Murphy: We got two honkies out there dressed like Hasidic diamond merchants.
Matt Murphy: Say what?
Mrs. Murphy: They look like they're from the CIA, or somethin'.
Matt Murphy: What they want to eat?
Mrs. Murphy: The tall one wants white bread, toasted, dry, with nothin' on it.
Matt Murphy: Elwood.
Mrs. Murphy: And the other one wants four whole fried chickens and a Coke.
Matt Murphy: And Jake. Shit, the Blues Brothers!

Elwood: Our Lady of Blessed Acceleration, don't fail me now.

[Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up behind them. The words are said in the same rhythm as a blues song ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo]
Elwood: Shit.
Jake: What?
Elwood: Rollers...
Jake: No.
Elwood: Yeah.
Jake: Shit.

Jake: Book us for tomorrow night.
Maury Sline: Hold it, hold it. Tomorrow night? What are you talking about? A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.
Elwood: I know all about that stuff. I have been exploited all my life.

[the brothers race around the mall parking lot]
Elwood: [28:38] We'll be all right if we can just get back on the expressway.
Jake: This don't look like no expressway to me!
Elwood: Don't yell at me.
Jake: Well what the hell you want me to do, Motorhead?
Elwood: Try not to be so negative all the time. Why don't you offer a little... constructive criticism?
Jake: You got us into to this parking lot, pal. Now you get us out!
Elwood: You want outta this parking lot?... O.K.

Mr. Fabulous: [49:35] No, sir, Mayor Daley no longer dines here. He's dead, sir.

Elwood: [14:28] Ow, you fat penguin!

Jake: Uh, Bob, about the money for tonight.
Bob: Oh, yeah, $200, and you boys drank $300 worth of beer.

[while they are driving around in the shopping mall with 2 police cars on their tail]
Elwood: Baby clothes...
Jake: This place has got everything.

Jake: [about the electric piano] $2,000 for this chunk of shit? C'mon, Ray.
Murph: [tests the piano] I mean really, Ray, it's used. There's no action left in this keyboard.
Ray: [smiles, comes out to the piano] E-excuse me, uh, I don't think there's anything wrong with the action on this piano.
[plays and sings]
Ray: Well, I heard about the fellow you've been dancin' with, All over the neighborhood, So why didn't you ask me baby? Didn't you think I could? Well I know that the boogaloo is outta sight, But the shingaling's the thing tonight, But if that was you and me a now baby, I would have shown you how to do it right, Do it right
Jake, Elwood: Uh-huh!
Ray: Do it right
Jake: Do it right
Elwood: Do it right
Ray, Jake, Elwood: Do it right!

Donald 'Duck' Dunn: [48:35] Jake ain't lying, though. We had a band powerful enough to turn goat piss into gasoline.

[Carrie flame throws a propane tank next to a phone booth they are in - it blows sky high and crashes down to earth - the phone breaking in half]
Elwood: Hey, Jake. Gotta be at least seven dollars worth of change here.

[the Good Ole Boys arrive late]
Jake: My name is Jacob Stein. I'm from the American Federation of Music. I've been sent to see if you gentlemen are carrying your permits.
Tucker McElroy: Our what?
Jake: Your union cards. May I see your cards please?
Tucker McElroy: Well, suppose we ain't got no union cards and go in there and start playin' anyway? Whatcha gonna do about that? You gonna stop us, Stein? Ha. You're gonna look pretty funny tryin' to eat corn on the cob with no fuckin' teeth!

[as the Blues Brothers are trying to haggle the price of a piano, a little boy is in the back trying to steal a guitar. Suddenly, Ray whips out a gun and -- despite being blind -- nearly misses hitting the boy]
Ray: Now, go on! Get!
[the little boy scurries away]
Ray: [sadly] Breaks my heart to see a boy that young goin' bad.

[repeated line]
Trooper La Fong: They broke my watch!

[Camille has fired a machine gun at Jake and Elwood]
Elwood: Who *is* that girl?

Elwood: [14:35] Fuck this noise, man!

Officer Mount: I don't believe it. It's that shitbox Dodge again!
Trooper Daniel: Those bastards are ours now!

Maury Sline: What are you guys gonna do? The same act? You wear the same verkakte suits?

Elwood: [16:18] The light was yellow, sir.

Reverend Cleophus James: And now, people... And now, people... When I woke up this mornin', I heard a distubin' sound. I said When I woke up this mornin', I heard a disturbin' sound! What I heard was the jingle-jangle of a thousand lost souls! I'm talkin' 'bout the souls of mortal men and women, departed from this life. Wait a minute! Those lost angry souls roamin' unseen on the earth, seekin' to find life they'll not find, because it's too late! Tooooo late, yeah! Too late for they'll never see again the life they choose not to follow. Alright! Alright! Don't be lost when your time comes! For the day of the Lord cometh as a thief in the night!
[singing]
Reverend Cleophus James: YEEEEEEEEEEEEAH! Can I get an AMEN?
[congregation shouts "AMEN!"]
Reverend Cleophus James: Can I get an AMEN?
[congregation shouts "AMEN!" again]
Reverend Cleophus James: Well Well Well!
[breaks into "The Old Landmark"]

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The Blues Brothers

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