- Judy Benjamin: I think they sent me to the wrong place.
- Capt. Doreen Lewis: Uh-huh.
- Judy Benjamin: See, I did join the army, but I joined a *different* army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms.
- Sgt. L.C. Ross: Everybody up! Everybody, Benjamin!
- Judy Benjamin: Oh God, you can't mean me. I worked the night shift! Go check out the bathroom, it's FABULOUS.
- [after sex]
- Judy Benjamin: Now I know what I've been faking all these years.
- Henri Tremont: That was your first?
- Judy Benjamin: And second.
- Judy Benjamin: My husband had a heart attack and died on our wedding night, while we were making love.
- Pvt. Mary Lou Glass: Jesus! Benjamin! I don't get it, what do you do after a thing like that?
- Judy Benjamin: Join the Army!
- Mrs. Goodman: Judith. Just one thing. If you can remember. What were Yale's last words?
- Judy Benjamin: I'm coming.
- Judy Benjamin: [while she and Henri are standing at the altar] Henri, I know this is a really awkward time to do this, but I wanna break up.
- Judy Benjamin: What do you want from me? I didn't ask her to punish everybody! Do you think I like schlepping in the rain all day and all night?
- Pvt. Wanda Winter: Just keep marching, Benjamin.
- Judy Benjamin: My name is Judy! J-U-D-Y Judy and I'd like somebody to call me by my name! Oh, okay I took my life in my own hands, I made a mistake fine I'm sorry! I'll never do it again! I wanna wear my sandals... I wanna go out to lunch. I wanna be NORMAL again!
- Sgt. L.C. Ross: Beware, there are mine fields out there. Most of them are inert. However, some are ert.
- Judy Benjamin: To be truthful with you, I can't sleep in a room with 20 strangers.
- Capt. Doreen Lewis: Oh dear.
- Judy Benjamin: And I mean look at this place. The army couldn't afford drapes? I'll be up at the crack of dawn here!
- Aunt Kissy: I hope my coat's gonna be good enough. I had no idea it was gonna be so chilly.
- Harriet Benjamin: It's November here, Kissy.
- Teddy Benjamin: It's November everywhere, genius.
- Judy Benjamin: Have you seen the bathroom?
- Capt. Doreen Lewis: Do you think that the latrine... do you think that it's unsanitary?
- Judy Benjamin: It's disgusting! There are *urinals* in there!
- Capt. Doreen Lewis: I, for one, am not going to sit around with my thumb up my ass while you divulge classified information during the throes of passion.
- Judy Benjamin: Oh, please, I can barely speak during the throes of passion!
- Yale Goodman: [on the phone] How long you been married? All right, anything more than 15 years, you lose the house. It's not my rule, that's just the way it is. She won't get the boat. The boat's a male item.
- Yale Goodman: Wait, honey.
- Judy Benjamin: Yale.
- Yale Goodman: Wait, wait. Just wait.
- Judy Benjamin: Yale.
- Yale Goodman: Lift your back leg.
- Judy Benjamin: I don't have a back leg. Honey, it's our wedding night. You know, it's not real romantic making love in the sink.
- Sgt. L.C. Ross: The first thing we'll do is put you through your in-processing. While you are waiting in line for your processing, you will not, I repeat, you will not be flapping your lips.
- Capt. Doreen Lewis: This brassiere isn't regulation, Ross. And neither is this face. Now, you look like a clown, soldier. Clean up your act.
- Sgt. L.C. Ross: Give me 10 pushups! Start knockin' 'em out!
- Judy Benjamin: Do you mind if I check into my room first?
- Sgt. L.C. Ross: Assume the position and hit it! Now!
- Col. Clay Thornbush: Your ass is going to Greenland for a reason. I won't let you shoot your mouth off, blemishing my record with innuendo.
- Judy Benjamin: Innuendo? Try rape.
- Capt. Doreen Lewis: I know how all you ladies drool over this - this Fonzie character.
- [tears down a poster of Bob Dylan from a Private's locker]
- Capt. Doreen Lewis: Not in my outfit. Burn it, Ross.
- Judy Benjamin: There are two bids we recommend: Sergio Devoto's Driving Academy which teaches evasive driving to the chauffeurs of such dignitaries as General Alexander Haig, President Giscard d'Estaing, Mick Jagger.
- Judy Benjamin: Definitely the most exciting duty a soldier could pull. My M.O.S. is Purchasing Specialist - the one job I've trained for all my life.
- Henri Tremont: Stay. I want you to be here when I get back at three o'clock. I'm going to make love to you, and I'll take you to my favorite bistro. And we'll listen to some nice Italian jazz.