The Wildcats of St. Trinian's

"once you have paid him the Dane-geld you never get rid of the Dane." Rudyard Kipling

Well, well, well... St Trinians as political comment. Other reviewers have mentioned this, but it is little wonder that this film flopped in 1980 when it was released upon a trade-union obsessed UK public. The film sends up the trade union movement and strongly critiques any attempt to compromise with the "workers" and meet their demands... a lesson that the 1980's UK government took to heart after the appeasement tactics of the 1970's. Unlike most other reviewers I liked this film: it is a clear and obvious continuation of the original franchise with many character touches lifted directly from the first four films, much more-so than the remakes (updated versions) in 2007 and 2009.

I bought this film because of its reputation - here is a UK film so "appalingly bad" that you can't actually buy it in the UK (my copy had to be bought via the USA but from a UK based-supplier!) - and I was prepared to witness a truly atrocious piece of cinema... Perhaps that mindset helped me to see the good in it where others can only see the bad. This film is a product of its time - much as the originals were. Wildcats from 1980 is similar in style to the Carry On movies minus most (but not all) of the smuttiness and bawdy humour. It is still *very* much a children's film - for UK children.

To me, this film was truer to the original film than the remakes because the driving force behind the girl's mayhem was the "lower sixth form", still wearing silly hats and wielding hockey-sticks, and not the "upper sixth form" in their short skirts and bikinis (and for all those tut-tutting about that... the "sexy" schoolgirls were in the earlier films too... If you watch Wildcats and all you can see are the upper-sixth girls, pro or con, then I can guarantee that *you* are bringing that perspective with you to the film... that said, the opening credits' "dance number" was truly crass). The 2007 and 2009 remakes switched this "upper/lower" dynamic around and let the upper-sixth lead the action far too much - which was a mistake in my opinion.

This film fails - or is rather unintentionally funny - when it lurches over into bizarre racial and gender stereotypes - particularly Harry who is running a "legitimate" Chinese take-away actually disguised as a Chinese man (which he is not) in a truly this-could-only-be-the-70's-or-early-80s sort of way. Or the bimbo fitness instructor (was she actually Swedish or was that just a joke?), or the Dutch headmistress with her box of chocolates - although, to be fair, nobody can follow Alastair Sim as the headmistress and get away with it. Note the underlying theme here: foreigners - welcome to xenophobic England! The acting is more ham-fisted "TV comedy" than "film star" but then again that's also the case with the Carry On films... It is what it is.

Bottom line: slightly better than just "ok". If you like the more raucous UK comedies from the 1970's (and I do) then this will work for you. It is nowhere near as bad as other reviews are making out. I laughed with it and I laughed at it. It's a comedy. And a window into the attitudes of late 1970's UK.

Wildcats has the reputation of being the lost St Trinian's film, but it would be truer to call it purposely mislaid. The only real problem with it is that it is simply too busy at times: Sheila Hancock really struggles to get any laughs out of Olga Vandemeer because she is given too many riffs to juggle; it is awful to see an excellent and experienced actress left to flounder. Despite the big names in the cast, it is Veronica Quilligan as Lizzie who keeps everything moving, her energy and charisma lifting her scenes and the film as a whole. Wildcats is my favourite St Trinians, I appreciate that puts me in a minority of one, but I have an affection for things that still exist when the world has stopped looking.

Little known fifth entry in the St Trinian's series. The schoolgirl terrors come to the conclusion that they're given far too much schoolwork whilst having to endure poor surroundings and facilities. So, they decide to launch a trade union for British schoolgirls. Every British schoolgirl, at every British girls' school. But of course there's more to it than that. Their bonkers plan involves strike action, kidnapping, blackmail, criminal damage, assault, demanding money with menaces, and a potentially disastrous diplomatic incident. The cast includes several well-known names of UK TV and film at the time; Sheila Hancock, Michael Hordern, Thorley Walters, Joe Melia, Rodney Bewes, Maureen Lipman, and Julia McKenzie. The 6th form are led by the ill-fated Debbie Linden, and 'Real Housewife' Lisa Vanderpump(!).

The original four movies ran from 1954 - 1966. This entry - 14 years later - doesn't have the same charm. The tropes are there; the girls of the lower school all look like they've been pulled through a hedge backwards; the 6th form are all glamour, short skirts, and stockings; the head mistress has even less moral fibre than her pupils; and everyone, from local residents to the government's Department of Education, is terrified of the lot of them. But the whole thing feels out of its time (the 2007 film actually did a better job of reinvigorating the franchise). In truth, there's no denying it's the worst of the series (despite an early VHS release, it's the only one that's never been released on DVD in the UK). But I can't be too hard on it. I grew up with these films, like the Carry On films. And like the Carry Ons, I watched them with my parents, and my children have watched them with me. 6/10.

I've seen all the other St Trinians films, and the superb (and superior) forerunner The Happiest Days Of Their Lives, so I felt that I should watch the 1980 film, even though I'd read somewhere that it was poor.

Poor is an understatement. The script is awful. The acting is dreadful - doubtless the cast would blame the script but really they are equally at fault.

This is probably the worst British film that I've ever seen - certainly it's the worst portion of a franchise. If you think that some of the 1970s Bond films are bad - try watching The Wildcats of St Trinians.

Not one for a blu-ray release...

How many "St. Trinian's" films were made altogether (not counting the new 2007 version) ? If you said four, based on the fact that that is how they are packaged on DVD into a two-disc four-film box-set, then you would be mistaken - there were in fact FIVE films to this series, this last one coming fourteen years after the last effort, "The Great St. Trinian's Train Robbery". Like that film, it was also made in colour (the first three were in black and white), but the end product shares very little else in common with any of it's four predecessors. Claiming that George Cole was asked to reprise his role as "Flash" Harry cuts no ice with me - this film is such a mess casting-wise as to be unbelievable.

At the time this was made, in 1980, the trade union movement was a lot more militant in nature than they are today (the "Winter of Discontent" fresh in peoples minds), and it's true to say that the TUC card-carrying Sun-newspaper reading working-class audience this film aimed itself at probably didn't like to see their union movements mocked on the big screen.

"Carry On... At Your Convienence" was a huge loss-maker at the time of its cinematic release for mocking the unions, and this factor probably also had some effect on the success - or lack thereof - of "Wildcats". It's not a good idea to mock your key audience demographic by making fun of trade unions. All in all though, it wasn't really a good idea to make this film, and this is easily an entry that the "St. Trinian's" franchise could have done without. The fact that this fifth film is overlooked by the other four in the series is probably a good thing. This is an interesting curio for anyone who has ever seen and enjoyed the other four films in the series (or likes ogling actresses in school uniforms - gym-slips, stockings, suspenders, heels, etc.) but is nowhere near the quality of any of its predecessors. Very few people will ever get the chance to see this film. You should probably be grateful. Not that bad, but not that good either. 3/10