Dave Goelz credited as playing...
The Great Gonzo • Beauregard • Zoot • Dr. Bunsen Honeydew • Lobbuck Lou • Singing Food
- Kermit: Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're gonna have to catch those thieves red-handed.
- [Beauregard raises his hand]
- Kermit: Yes, Beau?
- Beauregard: What color are their hands now?
- [First lines]
- Kermit: [In a hot air balloon] Pretty nice up here, isn't it?
- Fozzie: Kermit? What if we drift out to sea? What if we're never heard from again? What if there's a storm? Or - we get struck by lightning?
- Gonzo: That'd be neat.
- Kermit: Listen, nothing's gonna happen. These are just the opening credits.
- Fozzie: Oh. Where are they?
- [Title card appears]
- Fozzie: Wow!
- Kermit: The Great Muppet Caper.
- Fozzie: Nice title.
- Gonzo: Stop the presses!
- News Editor: Why? What happened?
- Gonzo: I don't know. I just always wanted to say that.
- Kermit: We were wondering if you could recommend a nice hotel. Actually, a cheap hotel.
- British Gentleman: How cheap?
- Fozzie: Free.
- British Gentleman: Well, that narrows the field a bit.
- [reading from his guide]
- British Gentleman: Let's see. "Places where you can park your carcasses." Bus terminals... River banks... The Happiness Hotel...
- Kermit: Happiness Hotel? That sounds great.
- Gonzo: What's wrong with bus terminals?
- British Gentleman: For once the forecast was right. It said it was going to rain cats and dogs.
- Kermit: No, no. We're bears and frogs.
- Gonzo: And Gonzos.
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: I suggest we jump.
- Fozzie: Are you crazy? That's at least a hundred feet!
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: I didn't say it was a *good* suggestion.
- Beauregard: Maybe we could jump part-way.
- Fozzie: Hey, Kermit, I'm getting hungry.
- Gonzo: Call room service.
- Kermit: There's no phone.
- Rizzo the Rat: That's OK, there's no food, either.
- Fozzie: [shouting] Hold it!
- Fozzie: [the room grows quiet] Sha-ame on you! I thought we were in this thing together. I'm just as scared as you are, but this has to be done! We don't want the bad guys to win. We gotta do this,. for- for- for justice! For freedom! For honesty!
- Scooter: Boy, do I feel ashamed.
- Pops: Me, too. I feel like two cents.
- Rowlf: I'm back in.
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: You can count on me!
- Floyd: [with a mix of sarcasm and sincerity] Oh, hey, I was only joking. Yeah, it'll be a lot of fun to go out there and risk our lives.
- Dr. Teeth: [everybody says "Yeah"] All for one, and one for all.
- Janice: Yeah!
- Sam the Eagle: At times like this, I am proud to be an American.
- [Sam harrumphs as he leaves the doorway]
- Beauregard: Takes awhile to get to know the town.
- Fozzie: How long have you lived in London?
- Beauregard: All my life.
- Kermit: How come you don't have an English accent?
- Beauregard: Hey, I'm lucky to have a driver's license!
- Kermit: Now, we're about to embark on a potentially dangerous mission. There could be physical violence, there could be gunplay, and there is the slightest chance that somebody might even get killed. So if anybody wants out, now is the time to say it.
- Floyd: I'm out.
- Rowlf: Me too.
- Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Ditto.
- Beaker: Meep meep.
- Zoot: Hey, don't we have a gig around here, or something, or somewhere?
- Pops: Sorry, I got a dental appointment.
- Janice: It's like this, Kermit, I have to go to work all day...
- [everyone starts talking at once]
- Fozzie: [shouting] Hold it!
- [everyone stops talking]
- Fozzie: Shame on you! I thought we were in this thing together. I'm just as scared as you are, but this has to be done! We don't want the bad guys to win. We gotta do this f-f-for justice! For freedom! For honesty!
- Gonzo: [to a couple] How about you folks? Souvenir photograph?
- Annoyed Restaurant Diner: No thanks. No pictures.
- Gonzo: Oh, come on! It'll be a great memento for you and your wife.
- Annoyed Restaurant Diner: My wife isn't feeling very well.
- Gonzo: Oh, that's too bad. Maybe she should be at home.
- Annoyed Restaurant Diner: My wife IS at home!
- Gonzo: [stammering nervously] Yes, uh... NEXT TABLE!