- Paula McCullen: Breasts too large, Richard? Every female character you create has breasts too large.
- Richard Babson: Mmm... but I make them suffer for it.
- Paula McCullen: [Giggling] I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I always laugh when I get nervous.
- Jorge Medina: [Heavily accented Spanish occurs throughout] That's alright. It is to be understood. Now, will you please repeat after me... I, Paula McCullen...
- Paula McCullen: I, Paula McCullen
- Jorge Medina: Take thee, Richard Babson...
- Paula McCullen: Take thee, Richard Babson
- Jorge Medina: to be my lawful wedded husband...
- Paula McCullen: to be my lawful wedded husband
- Jorge Medina: for better or for worse...
- Paula McCullen: for better or for worse
- Jorge Medina: in sickness and in health...
- Paula McCullen: in sickness and in health
- Jorge Medina: with love and affection...
- Paula McCullen: with love and affection
- Jorge Medina: I dee endo
- [Heavily accented Spanish]
- Paula McCullen: What? I don't understand that.
- Jorge Medina: I dee endo.
- [I thee endow, through a shot at the written vows]
- Paula McCullen: I dee endo
- [Giggling]
- Paula McCullen: [Richard Giggling]
- Jorge Medina: And by all the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you man and wife, and you may kiss the bride.
- Richard Babson: Paula, there's some statements I wanna' make with my life. You're one of 'em. Living with you just says that you're my lover and my friend. It doesn't state that you're the woman I intend to spend the rest of my life with. *Marriage* makes that statement... Marry me, Paula.
- Tom Babson: So, you're married, huh?
- Richard Babson: Mm hmm.
- Tom Babson: Guess you're too old for a father-and-son talk.
- Richard Babson: Try me.
- Tom Babson: Are you kind?
- Richard Babson: Yes, sir.
- Tom Babson: Patient and understanding?
- Richard Babson: Try to be.
- Tom Babson: Got your sense of humor?
- Richard Babson: Oh, thank God.
- Tom Babson: You know all about sex?
- Richard Babson: Ha ha, more than you.
- Tom Babson: Don't be so sure...
- Richard Babson: Ha. What do you think? Did I pass?
- Tom Babson: Nope. None of those things got a goddamned thing to do with makin' a marriage.
- Richard Babson: That's good. Because I was lying.
- [both start chuckling]
- Tom Babson: You know, the only important thing is, do you love her? You know, son, I was tuning your mother out for 42 years... but I still love her.
- Richard Babson: I know, dad.
- Eleanor McCullen: How do you think your father looks?
- Paula McCullen: He looks fine. Why, is there something wrong?
- Eleanor McCullen: Well, you know, since his stroke he's been a little strange. He hardly ever talks. I found some, um, pornographic magazines under his socks. Real beaver shots!
- Paula McCullen: Mother! Where did you know that word?
- Richard Babson: [shoveling snow] I can't take it anymore. I'm not used to this. I'm not used to the cold, and I'm not used to being sexually deprived. I'm standing before you with a frozen erection.
- Paula McCullen: Don't tell my mother - she'll put a mitten on it.
- Richard Babson: Look at you, trying to kill yourself in a tea room.
- Paula McCullen: I was not trying to kill myself!
- Richard Babson: Oh, no? You just had to take fourteen Valium to get through your pastrami on rye.
- Paula McCullen: I did not have pastrami on rye, I had chicken salad you asshole!