José Ferrer: Badger

The Wind in the Willows

Badger

Badger: [during his confrontation with Toad] You *know* we must come to this sooner or later. You've disregarded all the warnings we've given you, and you've gone on squandering the money your father left you. You're a disgrace to all of us and to your family. You're giving us animals a bad name in the district by your furious driving, and smashes, and rivals with the police. We animals *never* allow our friends to make fools of themselves beyond a certain limit. This is our last effort that will bring you to reason. Change your ways now, or face the consequences, which I promise you will *not* be pleasant!

[repeated line]
Badger: Some say there is a being, kindly, benevolent, whose heartbeat is all nature, and whose embrace protects small animals everywhere. Piper, Pan, call him what you will.

Badger: We're attacking Toad Hall tonight.
Mr. Toad: Right! Oh! Oh, with armies, and navies, and...
Badger: No, no, no, just *ourselves*.
Mr. Toad: [sadly] A bit of a comedown on that. Hmm. We'll never get past the sentries.
Ratty: We are *not* going PAST them! We are going unnnnnder them.
Moley: Gonna use the secret tunnel to Toad Hall.
Mr. Toad: Splendid idea!

Badger: Toad, you should be delighted - that I'll have three permanent house guests who'll take turns being with you night and day.

Badger: Tonight, we'll make our way throught the tunnel, bypass the sentries, and come up on the pantry next to the dining hall.
Mr. Toad: The squeaky board in the pantry.
Badger: Right. And thanks to Mole, they'll be thinking that *hundreds* are attacking. We'll clear them out of Toad Hall in five minutes.

Mr. Toad: Is something bothering you chaps?
Badger: You will come with me into the library. You will hear the hard facts about yourself.
[grabs Toad in one arm, then advances toward the library door and opens it]
Badger: We'll see if you come out of that room in the same Toad as you went in. Brother Toad, sit down.
[tosses Toad onto a chair]
Mr. Toad: Ow!
Badger: Prepare to repent for your follies.

Ratty: [as he and Moley stare at the bed sheets hanging from the window that Toad used to escape from Toad Hall] He did awfully well.
Badger: He did *you* awfully well. Well - we'd better stay here for a while. Toad may be brought back at any moment, on a stretcher or between two policemen.

Badger: [singing] I hate company. If you're company, I'll hate you with the rest.
Moley, Ratty: [singing] He hates company.
Badger: I hate company.
Moley, Ratty: Don't invite him, he's a certifiable pest.
Badger: I hate company!
Moley, Ratty: He hates company.
Badger: Being alone is best.

Ratty: [to Badger] Do you suppose we're being too hard on Toad? He's been locked up in that room for weeks. And now he's taken to his bed; he won't eat, hardly says a word...
Badger: He's weakening. In a few more weeks, he'll be reformed. Keep a keen eye on him, Ratty, while we do the marketing. Come along, Moley.

Ratty: [about Toad] He'll end up killed or bankrupt. We're his friends. Shouldn't we do something?
Badger: [yawning] Of course. I can't do anything now. It's winter.
[yawns]
Moley: Dozing? Badger, too?
Ratty: [almost whispering] No animal is ever expected to do anything strenuous, heroic, or even moderately active during winter.
Badger: When winter's over, we'll take Toad seriously into hand. We'll stand no nonsense. We'll bring him back to his senses even if force is needed. We'll make him a sensible Toad. But now...
[yawns]
Badger: It's time for bed.
Ratty: Yes... we've got a long journey home tomorrow.
Moley: Not the Wild Wood again.

Badger: [to the weasels, who are mopping the banquet hall to prepare for Toad's victory banquet] And make sure you get it spotless; everything must be just so for Toad's victory banquet.
Mr. Toad: But why must I have a banquet?
Badger: It's expected of you; it's the rule!
Mr. Toad: It's short-noticed. But I can whip up an interesting program, I'm sure.
[chuckles briefly]
Mr. Toad: I could give several speeches, of course.
Moley: [as he and Badger shake their heads] No.
Mr. Toad: An address on our prison system?
[Ratty shakes his head]
Mr. Toad: A lecture on the techniques of escaping?
Badger: No speeches.
Mr. Toad: Just one little speech?
Ratty: *No*! Your speeches are all conceit and *boasting*, and...
Badger: And gas.
Mr. Toad: Oh, I know then, a short song.
[Badger, Ratty, and Moley shake their heads in unison]
Mr. Toad: Ah, very well. In sport, I - I will be a very different toad. But oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, oh, this is a haaaard world...

[telephone rings during Badger's "I Hate Company" number]
Badger: Yes, yes, yes? How delightful. How terribly kind. How thoughtful. Dinner Friday? No, I have previous plans. On Friday, I'm dining ALONE!
[hangs up with a slam]