Joel Hodgson credited as playing...
Joel Robinson • Joel Hodgson • Joel
- Crow T. Robot: Well, a good thing about the movie was it wasn't any longer.
- Joel: And a bad thing?
- Crow T. Robot: It was this long.
- Doomsday Satellite: Welcome! You have passed through the first three thresholds of the Isaac Asimov Literary Satellite! Enter the disarm code or enjoy the consequences. Remember, this and all literary works of the last century are the sole property of Isaac Asimov and his many affiliates. Thank you for intruding, you have five seconds.
- Crow T. Robot: Quick Joel, cut EVERY wire!
- Joel: It's not gonna work, it needs an access code.
- Tom Servo: Try ego!
- Crow T. Robot: Sideburns!
- Joel: I'll try "I, Robot."
- Doomsday Satellite: [buzz] I'm sorry, the correct entry would have been "copyright" you now have six nanoseconds to realize the consequences.
- Joel, Tom Servo, Crow T. Robot: [there is a cloud of smoke, when it clears Joel and the bots are babbling and have sideburns - they stop] Huh?
- Joel: This cockamamie satellite's turned us all into duplicate Isaac Asimovs!
- Crow T. Robot: Hey, do you think it's a conspiracy?
- Tom Servo: Oh, no, I covered the conspiracy topic in my ten-volume history of assassinations and coups!
- Joel: This is TERRIBLE guys.
- Crow T. Robot: Oh, I don't know, at least now I'll have something to write about. You know, I've been thinking about annotating the Manhattan phone directory.
- Tom Servo: Oh, look, it's Commercial Sign. That'll fit nicely into my volume on the effects of advertising on the human psyche.
- Son: I thought he had more of a personal interest in me because he knew you.
- Dad: Nonsense.
- Joel: He hated you.
- Dad: Harry worked that hard with every man he ever hired.
- Crow T. Robot: He got sent to jail for it.
- Dr. Forrester: This is our invention, Joel. Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank will now fulfill our destiny. The teasing jibes of classmates. The book-dumping after typing class. The shameful expulsion from Chess Club! These are only a...
- TV's Frank: Don't forget all the power sit-ups they made you do.
- Dr. Forrester: Yes, exactly. They will bow down be...
- TV's Frank: The revulsion, scorn, and rejection of all the pretty girls?
- Dr. Forrester: Yes, exactly. They shall pay for...
- TV's Frank: Sophomore year and the shameful shower incident?
- Dr. Forrester: Uh yes, thank you, Frank. The point is that we shall cleave into this puny planet. We will crack the Earth as though it were a China cup, sending entire continents plummeting into the unforgiving sea! Prepare yoursel...
- Joel: Hey, may I ask a stupid question? Why are you guys doing this?
- Tom Servo: Yeah, what do you get out of it?
- TV's Frank: Well, you know, it's kind of a weird, you know, sort of umm... "Omega Man" kind of thing?
- Dr. Forrester: No, no, it's more of a... duh... why don't you go on with your invention, Joel?
- Joel: Hey sirs, what's up?
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: Our income if this new gig works out. Hehehe.
- Dr. Forrester: Yes. Larry and I have developed a new chain of fast food restaurants with very low overhead because we don't cook our food.
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: 'Cause frying and broiling takes out alot of the nutrients.
- Dr. Forrester: Yes. Uh, if your body likes another body, why don't you try one of our burgers au naturale? It's uh, ripped from the bone to your plate in seconds. It's Clay and Lar's Flesh Barn. Haha. Uh, make with the lyrics, Larry.
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: [singing] If you're tired of the same old fare, you've got a friend in Clay and Lar. All our meat is guaranteed rare, 'cause we don't cook it!
- Dr. Forrester: You see, cooking takes out all the flavor.
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: If you're tired of cookin' at home, try our meat right off the bone. If you listen, you can hear it moan, because we don't cook it!
- Dr. Forrester: Stunned, killed right at your table, eviscerated, very fresh.
- Dr. Lawrence Erhardt: Now, there's no need for you to drive through. Our fresh meat will walk out to you. You'll say hi, you'll say moo. It's Clay and Lar's Flesh Barn.
- Dr. Forrester: Fifteen locations to serve you, now in Altoona.
- Joel: [exasperated] Cambot, I want you to remind me of something. Next time I make a robot, no more free will, okay?