Death by Dialogue

Death By Dialogue. What a title. What an amazingly rubbish title. I am stunned that there are no alternative names that this film went out under. But, then again, this film is something else.

Synopsis: This film is about an evil film script. Its horrific contents come to life and terrorise a group of teenagers.

I have seen some rubbish in my time but this movie possesses moments of such stunningly memorable idiocy that I was somewhat taken aback. The very idea of a film script that is possessed by an evil spirit is hilariously silly. The script was for a film called 'Victims' and it was clearly written by a thirteen year old boy. The horrors that are unleashed by the script include a killer poodle-permed rock band, a seven-foot tall sword-wielding madman and two motor-cycle morons. I don't know about 'Victims', I would have thought that a better name would've been 'Eighties Cheese'.

This is one of those bad movies that contains moments of laugh-out-loud hilarity but also is hindered by atrocious pacing. Some scenes just go on and on and we do have to wait for the funny bits. But when those funny bits appear they are pretty much top-drawer, i.e. I challenge anyone not to laugh when the hair metal band pitches up in the woods. Too funny. At another time the protagonists decide that the best way to defeat the evil in the script would be to simply re-write it with happy stuff. Seems reasonable? Incredibly they mess up this very straightforward task by rewriting the script with one of the daftest non-escape plans ever conceived. In yet another random event – this film is a series of random events – we have a dream sequence involving a woman in a gown kneeling by a pool who meets an idiot in a racing car by a tree. Go figure.

It's all senseless and very haphazardly put together. But it's worth one viewing, if only to be stunned by it's monumental daftness. It does have moments of anti-genius. It's like a cross between The Evil Dead, The Edge of Hell and an episode of Scooby Doo. Although, much worse than all of those. Venture at your peril.

Only in the 1980's, those gloriously dim-witted 1980's, it was possible for an over-enthusiast young writer/director to present a concept about a murderous horror movie screenplay and actually find the necessary financial means to make the film! "Death by Dialogue" is bottom-of-the-barrel 80's guff, complete with insufferable lead characters, zero tension building and a fairly high number of WTF-moments. The film is an attempt to amalgamate a typical slasher plot with an edge of supernaturalism, but the result is beyond retarded. The first half hour is still okay, albeit full of clichéd situations and hilariously inept 80's characteristics. The opening sequence, for example, is quite funny when a caretaker mistakes a hideous demon for his employer and yells at her: "Why don't you fire me!". The demon then literally sets him on fire, ha ha! Then there's a the exemplary credits sequence, depicting five stupid twenty-something losers driving up to a remote holiday destination in their convertible, guided by an atrociously cheesy 80's pop song. There's the hero and his girlfriend, the wannabe James Dean cool dude and the token black guy (Ken Sagoes from "Nightmare on Elm Street 3 & 4"). After the obligatory 'we-are-having-fun-playing-kids-games' montage, the dumb posse stumbles upon an ancient horror movie script that is possessed with the evil spirit of a murdered journalist. Yes, that's right! The script summons demons on motorcycles and heavy metal rock bands and actually causes people to die in various idiotic ways. "Death by Dialogue" is a really stupid film with tacky special effects and pathetic demon masks. The fog machines are working overtime and the barn love-making sequence has to be seen in order to be believed. The couple has steamy & passionate sex, although the girl never removes her panties, while the barn fills up with demonic forces until the girl literally blows out of her socks.

What a waste of time and celluloid. Production values were simply substandard even for a type movie. 1/3 in and I can barely stay focused, sub standard and sub par in every aspect.

A friend of mine told me about Death by Dialogue about a year ago. I would have sworn he was trying to screw with me given his description of the film, however a few days later, he and I went to our local video store and there, resting proudly on the shelf, was Death by Dialogue. If I were to get technical, this is an awful movie, easily one of the worst ever made, however, I won't get technical. Despite it's movie-making flaws [which are blatently obvious to even the untrained eye] this is a film full of some of the cheesiest humour and corniest dialogue of all time. If you like bad horror movies, then Death by Dialogue is a must see.

Cary (Lenny Delducca) and four of his friends (including A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3's Ken "Kincaid" Sagoes) go to visit his crippled Uncle I've, who lives on a sprawling ranch that used to be a movie location in the 1950s. Trouble starts when Shelly (Kelly Sullivan) finds an old script for a film titled VICTIM 67. The kids start getting offed and the script title and plot line keeps changing with each victim. So how did the script get possessed? Seems an ancient tribe the Uncle was friendly with in South America had put the soul of a nosy reporter they killed into an ancient urn and it got loose on a film set in the 1950s and entered a script. Makes perfect sense, right?

This little horror flick was from City Lights, the earlier company from PM Entertainment producers Joseph Merhi and Richard Pepin. It is like a lot of their early stuff, flatly shot but with enough technical sheen to put it above most horror muck. Director Tom DeWier is primarily a stuntman in Hollywood and gets a few cool stunt bits in here, including a girl being blown out of a barn mid-sex. The film's biggest attribute is its M.S.U. (Makin' Sh*t Up) quality like when one victim wanders into the woods only to see an 80s metal band jamming out before they make his head explode with a guitar to the cranium. Co-star Sagoes must have hated his agent, thinking, "This is the best you could do for me after ELM STREET 3?" Even worse, the filmmakers have him dress exactly the same as his earlier, popular character so audiences know he is "the kid who survived A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 3" (as the VHS box proudly proclaims).