- Stan: You don't take care of bills by stuffing them in a shoebox!... We'll do less entertaining! And there is no reason on God's green earth that we have to have chocolate milk in the fridge at all times! Or French goddamn roast goddamn coffee, with goddamn cinnamon!
- Darcy: Oh my God! My God, it's huge, it's a monster! It's a giant boa-constrictor, get that thing away from me, get it away, put it aways before it kills somebody!
- Darcy: I tried on my dress, for the prom, I look like a Thanksgiving Day float. I'm also itchy everywhere, my ankles are fat, there's something hanging out of my butt, the article's not going well and now I have to get a haircut.
- Stan: There's something hanging out of your what?
- Darcy: Well, when you're pregnant, sometimes you get hemorroids, okay?
- Stan: Bummer.
- Mr. Babrucz: You know what your cousin Jimmy says about that Cal Tech place? He says everyone of those architect students has his own computer. You believe that? Boy, it sure wasn't like that when I didn't go to school.
- Miss Giles: This is a small town. You are editor of the school paper. You are popular. I see girls every day who wanna be like you. I've seen it happen, Darcy. Pregnancy is contagious, like suicide.
- Darcy: God, why can't you just be my mother? Why can't you just crawl in bed with me right now and put your arms around me?
- Donna Elliot: Well, just what is it you want?
- Darcy: Just don't be my friend, okay?
- Donna Elliot: But I am your friend.
- Darcy: No, I don't want that. I can't. It comes with all these strings. When you're a mother, you just love somebody. That's it!
- Darcy: I'll worry about that, okay? You just worry about making sure he gets on a plane by Thursday. Oh, and make sure that he gets enough underwear. Okay?
- Donna Elliot: Abortion is not a dirty word. It's a simple medical solution.
- Mr. Babrucz: Hey, you can just forget about abortion! Because, this kid's going up for adoption and that's that!
- Donna Elliot: Well, obviously you never heard of the word: choice. But, then, why would you? It's not a four letter word.
- Stan: Why don't we just keep it.
- Mr. Babrucz: Grow up! You had a gerbil last year, you forgot to feed it, it died. This baby is going up for adoption, period.
- Donna Elliot: No. Darcy is not going to lug this baby around for nine months and get stretch marks so you could give it up to Catholic charities.
- Mary Bobrucz: Mom, what are stretch marks?
- Mr. Babrucz: Stretch marks are the badge of a real woman.
- [Mrs. Babrucz covers her face, embarrassed]
- Darcy: These frogs are very big news at my school and very big news in Kenosha - which is where I live and where I find my stories. Do you know Mike Royko? He writes about Chicago. Fran Lebowitz writes about New York. I write about Kenosha!
- Mr. Babrucz: Where does she get that stuff?
- Mrs. Bobrucz: Dr. Ruth.
- Mr. Babrucz: What? Why do you let her watch Dr. Ruth?
- Mrs. Bobrucz: I don't let her watch. You let her watch.
- Mrs. Bobrucz: Stay for dinner, Darcy. We have glumpkies.
- Darcy: I'd love to, but it's Thursday.
- Lou Bobrucz: Oh, yeah. French night.
- Mr. Babrucz, Stan: French night! Ooh-la-la!
- Mr. Babrucz: Come wit me to zee Casbah.
- Mary Bobrucz: What's a Casbah?
- Mrs. Bobrucz: We have French fries!
- Stan: French dressing.
- Mr. Babrucz: Ooh! Zee french toast.
- Mrs. Bobrucz: And for dessert - we've got ice cream.
- Lou Bobrucz: French vanilla.
- Mary Bobrucz: And french kissing. With gum!
- [Stan and Darcy stop chewing their gum]
- Donna Elliot: [to Darcy] Honey, promise me you're not gonna have this baby! Right now, the whole world is your oyster!
- Mr. Babrucz: Oh yeah? What about my son's oysters? Huh? He's got this brilliant career ahead of him, designing schools and churches and shit!
- Stan: [interrupts] Look, if we could just discuss...
- Mr. Bobrucz: Butt out! We're trying to decide your future here!
- Stan: We haven't worked out all the details yet.
- Mr. Babrucz: Work out this detail! Your whole future's going right in the toilet!
- Stan: What's wrong? What's the matter?
- Darcy: Nothing. Nothing. It's just that I've never seen you - naked.
- Stan: Naked.
- Darcy: Well, you know, I mean, we did it - but I - I just never actually looked at it.
- Stan: Come on, we did it six times.
- Darcy: Five times. The car, the car, the garage, the tent, the basement. Does that count?
- Stan: Of course it counts.
- Darcy: Okay. Well, still, that's only five times.
- Stan: The rain?
- Darcy: Oh, yeah. Still - I never actually checked it out.
- Stan: Oh, well, you don't have to look.
- Darcy: No, I want to!
- Stan: Well?
- Darcy: It's cute.
- Roofer: It's steady work and it cleans all the snot out of your nose. I've been doing this for 20 years - and I still love the smell of tar on a hot roof.