- Narrator: There's a legend around here. A killer buried, but not dead. A curse on Crystal Lake, a death curse: Jason Voorhees' curse. They say he died as a boy, but he keeps coming back. Few have seen him and lived. Some have even tried to stop him. No one can.
- Melissa: You are nuts!
- Nick: Shut up, Melissa.
- Melissa: I don't believe you. You people give me the creeps.
- [walks away]
- Nick: Hey, where do you think you're going?
- Melissa: I'm going back to bed. You wanna come?
- Nick: Look, Melissa, just stay here with us.
- Melissa: It's not my style.
- Nick: Don't go out there!
- Melissa: Fuck you. And fuck you both!
- [opens the door to see Jason standing there; he bludgeons her head with an axe]
- Melissa: Eddie... Eddie! This isn't going to work out.
- Eddie: What's the matter?
- Melissa: I lied.
- Eddie: Lied about what?
- Melissa: About everything. You just don't turn me on, really. But c'mon, at least I gave you a chance. You just didn't come through. Anyway, I was kind of hoping Nick would come back and find you with me.
- Eddie: Why'd you lie?
- Melissa: You know, make him jealous.
- Eddie: Rejection. Okay, fine. I can take it. I've been rejected by some of the finest science fiction magazines in the continental United States!
- Melissa: Eddie, where are you going?
- Eddie: To take a cold shower. I got a date with a soap on a rope.
- Eddie: [opening Michael's presents and reading the box] "Personal Penis Enlarger."
- [pulls out a magnifying glass]
- Robin: So he says, "Let me see your I.D." and I'm like, "I left it at home." And he goes, "You have to go and get it." So I said, "Okay," and I left.
- Melissa: Hi, I'm Melissa.
- Tina: I'm Tina from next door.
- Melissa: [snottily] I know!
- Russell: Maddy, who's friend is that scuzball dope head?
- Melissa: Only the birthday boy's best friend!
- Maddy: [grabbing Melissa's necklace] Melissa, those are so pretty. They are absolutely gorgeous. Are they real?
- David: [enters kitchen] What a stupid place to put a lamp.
- Melissa: There real! On my birthday, my daddy says to me, "Melissa, you are the perfect daughter," and he gives me these and says, "To the best little girl in the whole world!"
- Sandra: [while skinny-dipping] You need a formal invitation? Russell party for two, right this way please.
- Mrs. Shepard: What is it? What aren't you telling me?
- Dr. Crews: I'm gonna leave. You can find your own way back.
- Mrs. Shepard: You're not just a lousy doctor. You're a fucking coward!
- Kate: [having sex in their van] What was that?
- Ben: What was what?
- Kate: [van shakes] That!
- Ben: God, it's probably Michael.
- Kate: Oh, what timing.
- Ben: [van continues to shake] Okay, okay buddy, you hear us in here; stop shaking the van!
- Kate: Quick, grab a balloon.
- Ben: Yeah, right! Happy fucking Birthday!
- Nick: i see you meet our resident writer eddie. eddies a little out there. but dont worry the rest of us or perfectly normal,