- Mel Arons: What is it with these clothes? It looks like the cast of Miami Vice crawled into your closet and died.
- Suitor #1: I have always been interested in soft drinks. They're unique, they are clean, you don't need a showroom, they repeat... They are an ideal product.
- Steve Giardino: [considering divorce papers] This isn't about money. What do you want from me, just tell me what you want?
- Steve Giardino: I come home late, what is that, a crime? I don't answer questions while I'm reading the paper. Well, I'm sorry, I can't talk and read at the same time! I'm not a ventriloquist.
- Steve Giardino: Why didn't you tell me you were a man?
- Sybil: What, do you expect me to blurt it out all at once?
- Suitor #3: While we've gotten personal like this, I have a list of all the people that I've been intimate with over the past 10 years. Can I ask to see you list the next time we meet?
- Mel Arons: Don't ruin this. These girls are open-minded and convivial. Modern progressive women. Sluts. Don't get ethical, it inhibits their sexual creativity.
- Steve Giardino: You're a very shallow person, do you know that?
- Mel Arons: What, having some woman make fried bread for you is deep?
- Steve Giardino: Ah, damn it, I'm not happy. I want to get happy.
- Mel Arons: What are you making such a big deal about happiness for? Look at me. I trade all day against guys who would cut my heart out of an eighth. I drink too much, I eat rich food, I make love to women half my age. You think I'm happy?
- [big smile]
- Mel Arons: That's the advantage of being shallow.
- Jackie Jardino: Something's bothering you, isn't it?
- Steve Giardino: Something's bothering me? You watch every move that I make, and you haven't noticed that I'm going crazy? I can't breathe! You're constantly watching me, and questioning me, and examining me.
- Jackie Jardino: That's what you do when you care about someone.
- Steve Giardino: No, that's what you do when you take a hostage.