Quotes

Maid Marian and Her Merry Men

The Sheriff: For goodness sake, Guy, we are trying to raise money for the Royal Arsenal.
Guy of Gisborne: Well I'm not helping! I hate football!

Marian: But you made a mistake, Robin. It's not easy you know. They've got the power, they've got the weapons. All we've got is a Raster, a Wally and a Bearded Avocado.

Marian: [Robin's in prison, and he thinks Marian is a traitor. Marian has got the key to open the cell door and she is outside trying to save him] Robin, Robin where are you?
Robin: That's *my* business, I think.
Marian: It's me, Marian.
Robin: What do you want? Got bored canoodling with our deadly enemies, have you? Snogged so many Normans you've run out of lipsil?
Marian: What are you talking about? I've got the key! I've come to set you free!
Robin: I'd rather stay in here, thank you, Miss Traitor.
Marian: Don't be silly.
[she proceeds to open the door]
Robin: Don't touch that door! Guards! Guards! Help! There's a woman trying to set me free!
Marian: Robin, do you really want to have your head chopped off?
Robin: Yes, if it means I don't have to look at your double-crossing face again, yes, I certainly do.
[she proceeds to open the door again]
Robin: Guards, guards, quick! She's got the key in the door!
Marian: [she enters the cell] Robin, do you really want to be sliced into more pieces than a package of garlic sausage?
The Sheriff: [sneaking up from behind] Apparently, he does, my little vixen.

Barrington: [playing trivial pursuit] What are there 12 of, on the face of a clock?
Little Ron: Cuckoos!
Barrington: No.
[puts card back]
Little Ron: Pheasants!

Gary: [as he's picking up things that can't be seen] Bye-bye! Bye-bye! Bye-bye!
The Sheriff: Gary, what are you doing?
Gary: Oh, I'm saying goodbye to the germs, sir. They're going out of the bin, and into the rubbish tip where they can make new friends in a totally different environment.
The Sheriff: So it's more of a club 18-30s than a rubbish tip, is it, Gary?
Gary: Yes, sir.
The Sheriff: Wrong!
[sprays a can of disinfectant]
The Sheriff: It's a funeral parlour! Gary, sometimes you're as stupidly sentimental as an Australian Soap Opera. Now get this place tidied up before we all die of the bubonic plague. And Graeme?
Graeme: Yes, sir?
The Sheriff: Get this old tin of paint out of here by 12 o'clock. Otherwise I'll chop you into a rather easy two-piece jigsaw.

Marian: [hanging in shackles in the dungeon] Let me out! Let me out!
[calms down]
Marian: Well, that's it, then. I'm doomed. Someday, a handsome traveller will come passing by this place, and he'll see me, all thin and starved to death. Well. Not *too* thin, just a little weight off the hips. And he'll say: "Here lies the fair Marian. She was the people's friend. She loved little children and was always kind to animals! Well, except for that stupid little Pekinese she accidentally trod on. Her only crime, was to trust a *friend*."
[gets angry]
Marian: Ooooh, just *wait* until I get my hands on her! One trusty arrow and I'll pierce both her ears for her at the same time!

Marian: [hanging in the dungeon] Help! Help!
[gives up]
Marian: Well, this is it I suppose. Oooh, how embarrassing to be put to death when your mother's staying! Why couldn't someone save me? Anyone'd do! As long as he was good looking, and a bit, you know, sulky, with a couple of day's stubble and a pair of really tight-
Robin: [bursts through the door] Don't worry! I, Robin of Kensington, will save you!
Marian: Oh, Blimey, not *you*! I'd rather stay up *here*, thanks!
Robin: But you were shouting for help!
Marian: No I *wasn't* !
Robin: You *were*!
Marian: I was not so!

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