Jack Nicholson credited as playing...
Joker • Jack Napier
- The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
- Bruce Wayne: What?
- The Joker: I always ask that of all my prey. I just... like the sound of it.
- [shoots him]
- Vicki Vale: What do you want?
- The Joker: My face on the one dollar bill.
- Vicki Vale: You must be joking.
- The Joker: Do I look like I'm joking?
- Bruce Wayne: I know who you are. Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
- The Joker: I like him already.
- [laughs]
- Bruce Wayne: Now you know the problem was... he got sloppy. You know? Crazy. He started to lose it. He had a head full of bad wiring, I guess.
- [Walks towards the fireplace]
- Bruce Wayne: Couldn't keep it straight up here.
- [Points to his head]
- Bruce Wayne: He was the kind of guy who couldn't hear the train until it was 2 feet from him.
- The Joker: Hmm.
- [Smiles and nods his head]
- Bruce Wayne: You know what happened to this guy, Jack?
- The Joker: [Shakes his head]
- Bruce Wayne: Well... he made mistakes. Then he had his
- [grabs a poker and smashes a vase]
- Bruce Wayne: LIGHTS OUT! Now you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.
- The Joker: [fuming] Batman... Batman... Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a *bat* gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!
- The Joker: [reciting his poem to Vicki] I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.
- The Joker: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.
- Grissom: That you, sugar bumps?
- [turns around to see a man]
- Grissom: Who the hell are you?
- Joker: It's me, Sugar bumps.
- Grissom: Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been...
- Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A *woman*! You must be insane.
- [Grissom goes for his gun]
- Joker: Don't bother.
- Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
- Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.
- Grissom: Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
- Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend.
- [steps into the light]
- Joker: You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
- [laughs, and then proceeds to kill Grissom]
- Joker: As though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.
- Joker: I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
- The Joker: And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!