- Trevor: All right, you fat slag! Move your ass!
- Heidi: How dare you speak to me like that! You horrible, spiteful little rat!
- Trevor: I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer!
- Heidi: I won't stand for this treatment any longer. I'm an artiste. I demand respect.
- Trevor: Artiste, that's a good one.
- Heidi: That's it! I've had enough! I'm going straight to Bletch
- [runs off to Bletch's office]
- Trevor: You do that, darling!
- Sebastian: [singing] Sodomy, you make think it really odd of me/ But I enjoy the act of sodomy/You may call the wrath of God on me/ But if you tried it then you might agree/ That you enjoy the act of sodomy.
- Sebastian: Don't worry if you feel ashamed / It's been around for years / And thousands more that can't be named / Are interested in rears / Don't worry about hell / No harm will come to your soul / We're not a Pentecostal / And everybody's got an asshole / SODOMY!
- Bletch: Trevor...
- Trevor: Yeah boss?
- Bletch: I want that fudge packer eliminated!
- Heidi: [Heidi destroys the "Garden of Love" set due to her overeating and clumsiness] It wasn't my fault!
- Sebastian: You've been overeating again!
- Heidi: [lying] No I haven't.
- [Sebastian picks up cake wedge]
- Sebastian: There is Black Forest Cherry Cake in your cleavage.
- Heidi: [sheepishly] Oh. How did that get there?
- Sebastian: You know what chocolate does to your system.
- Heidi: [protesting] It was only a small wedge.
- Sebastian: [angrily] Your contract specifically states you are forbidden to eat gateaux on the day of a performance.
- Heidi: I was depressed.
- Sebastian: [livid] You're depressed? We're going out live in three hours, for God's sake!
- Heidi: Don't speak to me like that!
- [throws Sebastian off her]
- Heidi: You don't understand! None of you understand! Bletch! Bletch!
- [runs off to Bletch's office]
- Sebastian: [sadly] Suddenly, I feel very, very old.
- [behind him, a patio collapses]
- [first lines]
- anouncer: Ladies and gentlemen. Your attention please. Welcome to the newest, the greatest, the most spectacular in entertainment history. Put your hands together for the fabulous Feebles variety hour.
- Bletch: [Heading to the golf course] Hey Barry, how's your handicap?
- Barry the Bulldog: She's at home boss. Baking a cake.
- [All laugh]
- Trevor: Didn't you notice you were sitting on his face!
- Madame Udder: Well, it was a bit uncomfortable but I thought it was my hemorrhoids.
- Bletch: Have you thought of a name for it, yet?
- Trevor: I was thinking along the lines of..."Dennis does Daisy".
- Bletch: No. That's lousy.
- Trevor: How about..."Anal Antics"?
- Bletch: "Anal Antics"... yes. It will appeal to the intellectuals. Do you think it will do as well as our last release and win the Hooker Prize?
- [last lines]
- Arthur the worm: Miss Heidi. I know you're a real star and all that. But I'm afraid I'm gonna have to dob you in.
- Heidi: Could you do one last thing Arthur?
- Arthur the worm: Anything, Miss Heidi.
- Heidi: Play the Garden of Love.
- Trevor: [to everyone in dressing room] I say, everyone! Who's the dirty person who did the great, big, stinky poo that's blocking up the toilet?
- The Sheep: [disgusted] God, Trevor! Must you be so disgusting?
- F. W. Fly: [overhearing] Oh, choice!
- [flies off to the bathroom. As Fly enters the bathroom, Bletch grabs him]
- F. W. Fly: Hey! What are you doing? Let me go!
- Bletch: You've been telling stories again, haven't you?
- F. W. Fly: [frightened] You've got a problem with the article? Write to the editor.
- Bletch: That won't be necessary.
- F. W. Fly: Help me!
- [Bletch rips his right wing off, Fly screams]
- Trevor: [watching with interest] Well, what do you know, boss? A left winged reporter.
- Bletch: We can't have a biased press, can we Trevor?
- Trevor: No, boss.
- [Bletch rips Fly's other wing off, Fly screams, Bletch flushes Fly down toilet]
- Bletch: Now that's what I call an impartial journalist.
- [he and Trevor laugh and left the bathroom]
- Heidi: [as Bletch prepares himself a glass of champagne, Heidi appears in his office] Hello, Bletch.
- [turns on lamp]
- Bletch: Heidi, what the hell are you doing here?
- Heidi: Congratulations. The show was a wonderful success.
- Bletch: What do you want?
- Heidi: Our encounter this afternoon was so brief! I thought you might like a second helping.
- [takes her dress off]
- Bletch: Heidi! For Christ's sake, put your dress back on!
- Heidi: Come and sit next to me.
- Bletch: If it's too hot for you, I can turn on the air conditioning!
- Heidi: I'm hot Bletch, but not the way you think.
- [wiggles her body on couch, Bletch looks away in disgust]
- Heidi: You're not feeling shy, are you Bletch?
- [takes her bras off and approaches Bletch]
- Heidi: Do you remember that time in Paris? We didn't leave the hotel for three whole days!
- Bletch: I remember all right. I had to go to the hospital with severe chafing.
- Heidi: Kiss me, Bletch.
- [Bletch slaps her away from him]
- Bletch: Get away from me, you shuddering, mound of blubber! Have you any idea how revolting you look?
- Heidi: [shocked] Bletch! No!
- Bletch: You disgust me! Look at you! You're old and you're fat, and you smell... BAD!
- Heidi: No!
- [collapses at the door]
- Bletch: I was going to wait till after the show, but I might as well tell you now. You through with the Feebles! I don't need you! I've got a syndicated series... and I'm grooming Samantha to be the star.
- Heidi: [heartbroken] No.
- Bletch: I hope you enjoyed tonight. That was your last performance!
- [throws Heidi's dress in her face]
- Bletch: Now get out of here!
- [Heidi runs out of the office in tears]
- Trevor: [sees Mr. Big rise from the water in front of Bletch's limo] Christ! It's Mr. Big!
- Mr. Big the Whale: Hello, Bletch. Where are you going?
- Bletch: I'm taking what's mine. Don't try to stop us!
- Mr. Big the Whale: You're out of your league, little fella! Kiss your arse goodbye!
- [laughs maniacally]
- Bletch: [to Trevor] Take him out, Trevor.
- [Trevor drives the limo through Mr. Big's mouth and down his throat, making him choke]
- Bletch: Change down Trevor, the duodenum's pretty steep.
- [Trevor continues to drive the limo through Mr. Big's stomach, some goo splashes on Bletch]
- Trevor: Which way, boss? Left or right?
- Bletch: Follow the light.
- [Trevor drives the limo towards the light and out through Mr. Big's rectum. Mr. Big groans and dies]
- Bletch: Get me back to the theater double quick!
- Trevor: Sure thing, boss.
- Bletch: I'll have to change my suit. I'm covered in ambergris.