Crystal Bernard credited as playing...
Helen Chapel • Helen Chapel Hackett
- [hitting on Helen at the lunch counter]
- Lewis Blanchard: Ya know, I have a video camera that shoots in the dark.
- Helen: Yeah, I got a gun that does the same thing.
- Helen: You care more about this *stupid* plane than you do about me!
- Joe Hackett: Me? You're the one with the cello between her legs eight hours a day!
- Helen: Well, at least that gives me some satisfaction!
- Joe Hackett: Yeah, well, at least when I'm in the plane I get some sense of movement!
- Roy Biggins: I'm going to teach that kid everything I know.
- Helen: What's he going to do the second half of the day?
- Roy Biggins: I've never minded staying up all night because of a woman.
- Helen: Well, you don't have a choice. If you dozed off, she'd escape.
- Helen: I thought Alex had better taste in men than to go out with you.
- Brian Hackett: Well, obviously, she doesn't.
- [describing Helen and Lowell's date]
- Helen: ...then he kissed my hand.
- Brian Hackett: Where was your hand?
- Joe Hackett: Hello!
- Antonio: [after Joe's Anxiety attack, Antonio walks in Joe's office to make sure he's alright. He finds him holding a squeezable doll in his hand] What's with the Dolly?
- Joe Hackett: The Doctor gave it to me. I'm supposed to squeeze "Mr. Googi" whenever I feel I might pinch over again.
- Antonio: So there's nothing physically wrong with you
- [then adds in a sarcastic subtle tone]
- Antonio: You're just a nut case.
- Joe Hackett: [In an angry provoked tone] Look I'm not...
- Helen: Calm Down honey, no body thinks you're crazy. Just squeeze Mr. Googi & visualize your happy place
- [after a two second pause]
- Helen: Don't get confused again and squeeze your happy place and visualize Mr. Googi!
- Helen: [Helen is leaving Lowell in charge of the restaurant counter as she heads out of work early] You sure you're gonna be okay with everything, Lowell?
- Lowell Mather: Aw, yeah. Don't you worry about a thing; you just go off and have a wonderful time. Where are you going, anyway?
- Helen: Uh, I would really rather not say.
- Lowell Mather: Aw, come on.
- Helen: Well, if you must know, I'm going to see my OB/GYN.
- Lowell Mather: Fine, be that way. I'm having dinner with my M-o-m-m-y.
- Helen: Oh Lowell, please tell me your brother didn't marry his sister.
- Roy Biggins: No. Cousin. The sister didn't work out.
- Helen: I got suckered into making the stupid welcoming speech at the reunion tonight.
- Fay Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran: Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Let me hear your opening line.
- Helen: That was it.