- Kirsten's Mother: Your father's in the study.
- Kirsten: What? No. Grandfather's in the study. Dad is dead.
- Kirsten's Mother: Your grandfather is your grandfather AND your father!
- Kirsten's Mother: You look terrible.
- Kirsten: Yeah, well, I had a rough day at work... Santa got murdered.
- Kirsten's Grandfather: What I was, what I am now... has no importance. I have paid the price for what I have done.
- Mike McGavin: What the hell have you done?
- Kirsten's Grandfather: I have impregnated my own daughter to produce an offspring that will be suitable to produce... Elves.
- Mike McGavin: Well, I think I've seen an elf. Do you think I'm a crackpot?
- Librarian: Are you asking if I believe in Elves? No, I don't... but God did!
- Mike McGavin: Do you think there can be an elf cult or a sect crazy enough to kill people?
- Librarian: Oh, no! But about 50 years ago there was a group that believed in Elves that did one hell of a lot of killing: the Nazis!
- Mike McGavin: Nazis? They believed in Elves?
- Librarian: Oh, yes! They believed in a lot of things! You know, if you could ignore their brutality, you'd have to say they were just a bunch of crackpots!
- Kirsten's Grandfather: If you are alive tomorrow, read the last book of the Bible, Revelations! Is a very frightening story that comences tonight at midnight if we do not stop them!
- Kirsten: Why you still listening to him, he's crazy!
- Kirsten's Grandfather: She is the daughter of Elysium, chosen to give birth to the son of Elysium: he's the Antichrist!
- [Kirsten crawls near the elf and stabs the ground from which it was born]
- Kirsten: Die, you little faggot!
- Dead Santa: Ho-ho-ho, and what do you want for Christmas this year, my young lad?
- Boy on Santa's Lap: I want a Nintendo!
- Dead Santa: Nintendo? That's great! They're on sale today in the basement, today only! Meeerrrrry Christmas!
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