Robin Williams credited as playing...
Jack Moniker
- Phillipa Lloyd: What island are you from?
- Jack Moniker: Ellis, originally.
- Phillipa Lloyd: So, what do you do around here? After you left The Palms, they said you were a smuggler.
- Jack Moniker: No, I'm a snuggler.
- Jack Moniker: I heard about this guy in Cicero, well he stiffed a loanshark, so a couple of these guys got him, cut off his arm, beat him to death with the arm, and shoved it in a food processor and made a dip out of it. Then they served it to his family at his sister's wedding. And the sister loved it so much, she wanted the recipe. It's a crazy world, isn't it?
- Jack Moniker: Tree, what's happenin'?
- [Tree offers Jack marijuana]
- Jack Moniker: Oooooh, no thanks. Last time I smoked that stuff they found me on top of the Sears tower trying to build a nest.
- Jack Moniker: [takes a breath in the oxygen mask, then to Earnest, in a high voice] Now you stay here and honk if there's any troub...
- [realizes his voice is higher]
- Jack Moniker: Wait a minute!
- [takes another breath in the mask, then annoyed]
- Jack Moniker: This thing's helium. Goddamnit, I brought the wrong tank!
- Jack Moniker: You know, I knew another proud, young, black man, like yourself, once. And I gave him some advice too. I told him, wear one glove - just one glove. The rest was history.
- Ernest Reed: Who was that?
- Jack Moniker: Willie Mays.
- Jack Moniker: Your Excellency. You're looking elegant this evening. Why are we graced with your imperial presence?
- Governor Anthony Cloyden Hayes: The fact is, one can smell the suntan oil and the frying female flesh right across the island. I was curious to see what was going on at this perverted passion pit you're running here. This orgy bin. Whatever you call this drug-crazed nipple ranch.
- Jack Moniker: Check it out. What about those two?
- Barry Steinberg: Eh... I don't think they're interested.
- Barry Nye: Too tall.
- Jack Moniker: Come on. They were just talking to me about you.
- Barry Steinberg: No.
- [incredulously]
- Barry Nye: Really? Then what?
- Jack Moniker: They said you weren't fit to sleep with pigs, but I stood up for you. I said you were.
- Jack Moniker: Be careful. Someone on this island has a doll with your face on it. Voodoo, ta-ta. Take care.
- Jack Moniker: Toby here was just reminiscing about the good old days. Flogging. Slavery. Honest day's work, for an honest day's beating.
- Ernest Reed: Gone, but not forgotten.