- Decola: [Looks straight at the camera, preparing to test if farts are flammable] "Kids, don't try this at home we're trained professionals!"
- [winks at the camera, pulls his welding mask down then turns on the flame-thrower]
- Romanian Ambassador: She's prettier than my wife.
- Romanian Aide: [under his breath] I'm prettier than your wife.
- Decola: This woman has twin sons and they've got mouths like sailors. They're always swearin', always swearin'. She can't take it anymore. One night she says to her husband, "If these kids swear one more time... I'm gonna punch 'em out". He says, "Hey, go ahead and do what you're gonna do, they're your kids." So the next morning, the two twins come down for breakfast. She says to the first twin, "What'd you want for breakfast?" Kid says, "Umm... I'll have some fucking pancakes". BOOM! She hits him. He goes down. He's on the ground. His jaw is all messed up. He's all bloody and stuff. She looks at the 2nd son. She says, "Now you. What you want for breakfast?" So he looks at his brother all bloody on the ground, looks back up at his mom, looks at his brother again, and he says, "A sure as hell don't want any fucking pancakes".