- Foul Phil - Suit: My tummy hurts!
- Greaser Greg - Suit: What did you eat?
- Foul Phil - Suit: Everything!
- Greaser Greg - Suit: That makes sense!
- Valerie Vomit: [Valerie Vomit, finds her hamburger wrapper empty] Ali, you ate my burger!
- Ali Gator: Oh, yeah? Prove it.
- Valerie Vomit: I can't, you ate the evidence.
- [last lines]
- Captain Manzini: [to Dodger, as the kids leave] Perhaps it would have been safer to lock them away from the world. But as you've taught me, Dodger, you can't change the world by locking yourself away from it.
- Captain Manzini: Did you get the blood of a toad and the eye of a newt?
- Dodger: Nope. The pet shop's out of unicorns, too.
- Captain Manzini: No wonder there's no magic in the world today. You can't get the ingredients.
- Dodger: [starting work unloading a crate] Do you sell much of this stuff? We've only had two customers and they didn't buy anything.
- Captain Manzini: Patience is a bitter vine, dear Dodger, but it bears sweet fruit.
- Dodger: Huh?
- Captain Manzini: That's from the Greek. It loses a little something in translation. Now, let's add a little sparkle to our merchandise.
- [hands Dodger a feather duster]
- Captain Manzini: Funny people should call this junk, isn't it? When every piece is a diary of the human spirit.
- [holds book, looks at inside cover]
- Captain Manzini: Take this, for instance. "To my darling Mary, from Herbert." This is more than a book. It's a testimony to love.
- Dodger: [holds up teddy bear] And this?
- Captain Manzini: Ah, did the child who slept with this grow up to shake the world?
- Dodger: [hands Manzini a fold-out fan] Tell me about this, Captain Manzini
- Captain Manzini: Ah, an early form of air conditioning.
- [waves folded-out fan in Dodger's face]
- Captain Manzini: Also, a tool of romance. It could beckon...
- [holds fan up to own face and waves toward it]
- Captain Manzini: ... or rebuff.
- [folds up fan, taps Dodger on the shoulder with it]
- Dodger: Did you ever get beckoned?
- Captain Manzini: Yes. I also got rebuffed. But like me, this is a relic from a simpler age, when good and bad was black-and-white. And a man could settle all his differences with one of these.
- [holds up fencing sword, hands it to Dodger]
- Captain Manzini: Then some damn fool invented gunpowder, and a bigger damn fool split the atom. That's when I decided to leave mankind to it's folly and retire here. Into this world of memories
- Captain Manzini: [handing Dodger something to replace his dirty clothes] Here, try this on.
- Dodger: A dress?
- Captain Manzini: Only to western eyes. This is a dashiki, given to me by the great African leader Um-Tuh-Tuh, in gratitude for making his mother-in-law disappear.
- Dodger: You were in Africa?
- Captain Manzini: Actually, I was on my way back from Egypt. I was doing a split week, Cleveland and Cairo. But that's a long story.
- Dodger: [to the Garbage Pail Kids] I don't think you're ugly, exactly.
- Valerie Vomit: You wanna suck face?
- Captain Manzini: [coming up with a spell to get the kids back in the garbage pail] "Rats and thunder, wind and hail \ Send the kids back in the pail."
- [it fails to work]
- Captain Manzini: I don't understand it. It's your basic Mary Poppins and it's not working.
- [Greaser Greg and Valerie Vomit ran over Juice's car and flattened it with their stolen Pepsi truck]
- Greaser Greg - Suit: What the heck was that?
- Valerie Vomit: Ohhhh! Yo! I think we hit a bump.
- Juice: [standing over his flattened car] Look what you've done to my car! What are you, crazy?
- [angrily pounds his fists on flattened car]
- Juice: Hey!