Ralph Macchio credited as playing...
Bill Gambini
- Bill Gambini: We think they're trying to set us up as patsies, Ma. You know how corrupt it is down here. They all know each other.
- Stan Rothenstein: The Klan's here. They're inbred. They sleep with their sisters.
- Stan Rothenstein: [as a deputy glares at him for the previous statement] Some of them do.
- Vinny Gambini: [Vinny is the lawyer, but Stan thinks he is there to sodomize him] Look, it's either me or them. You're gettin' fucked one way or the other. Hey, relax, I'm gonna help you.
- Stan Rothenstein: Gee thanks.
- Vinny Gambini: Excuse me, I think a modicum of gratitude would not be out of line here.
- Stan Rothenstein: You think I should be grateful?
- Vinny Gambini: Yeah, it's your ass, not mine. I think you should be grateful. I think you should be down on your fuckin' knees.
- Stan Rothenstein: I didn't know it was such an honor to get a visit from you.
- Vinny Gambini: I'm doing a favor, you know. You're gettin' me for nothing, you little fuck!
- Stan Rothenstein: That's one hell of an ego you got.
- Vinny Gambini: What the fuck is your problem? I did not come down here just to get jerked off.
- Stan Rothenstein: I'm not jerking you off. I'm not doing anything.
- Vinny Gambini: That's it. You're on your own. I'll just take care of Sleeping Beauty.
- Bill Gambini: [after Vinny wakes him up] Vinny. Vinny bag o' donuts.
- Vinny Gambini: Look, maybe I could have handled the preliminary a little better, okay? I admit it. But what's most important is winning the case. I could do it. I really could. Let me tell you how, okay? The D.A.'s got to build a case. Building a case is like building a house. Each piece of evidence is just another building block. He wants to make a brick bunker of a building. He wants to use serious, solid-looking bricks, like, like these, right?
- [Vinny puts his hand on the wall]
- Bill Gambini: Right.
- Vinny Gambini: [holding up a playing card, with the face toward Billy] Let me show you something. He's going to show you the bricks. He'll show you they got straight sides. He'll show you how they got the right shape. He'll show them to you in a very special way, so that they appear to have everything a brick should have. But there's one thing he's not gonna show you.
- Vinny Gambini: [turning the card, so that its edge is toward Billy] When you look at the bricks from the right angle, they're as thin as this playing card. His whole case is an illusion, a magic trick. It has to be an illusion, 'cause you're innocent. Nobody - I mean nobody - pulls the wool over the eyes of a Gambini, especially this one. Give me a chance, one chance. Let me question the first witness. If after that point, you don't think that I'm the best man for the job, fire me then and there. I'll leave quietly, no grudges. All I ask is for that one chance. I think you should give it to me.
- Bill Gambini: At my cousin Ruthie's wedding, the groom's brother was that guy Alakazam. You know who I'm talking about?
- Stan Rothenstein: The magician with the ponytail?
- Bill Gambini: Right. Well, he did his act, and every time he made something disappear, Vinny jumped on him. I mean, he nailed him! It was like, "it's in his pocket", or "he's palming it", you know? Or, "there's a mirror under the table." I mean, he was like, he was like, "wait a second, wait a second, it's joined in the middle, and there's a spring around it, it pops it open when it's inside the tube." It was like Alakazam's worst nightmare. Vinny was just being Vinny. He was just being the quintessential Gambini.
- Stan Rothenstein: Why didn't you ask them any questions?
- Vinny Gambini: Huh? Ask who questions?
- Bill Gambini: The witnesses! You know you could have asked questions, didn't you, Vin?
- Stan Rothenstein: Damn it, Vinny! Maybe if you'd put up some kind of a fight, you could have gotten the case thrown out!
- Vinny Gambini: Hey, Stan, you're in Ala-fuckin'-bama. You come from New York. You killed a good ol' boy. There is no way this is not going to trial!
- Bill Gambini: You have to see the Gambinis in action. I mean, these people, they love to argue. I mean, they live to argue.
- Stan Rothenstein: My parents argue too, it doesn't make them good lawyers.
- Bill Gambini: Stan, I've seen your parents argue. Trust me, they're amateurs.
- Bill Gambini: We should get tuna.
- Stan Rothenstein: Please, no more tuna.
- Bill Gambini: It has protein, we need protein.
- Stan Rothenstein: Beans have protein.
- Bill Gambini: Beans make you fart.
- Stan Rothenstein: We got a convertible.
- Stan Rothenstein: The laws are medieval down here. Do you know what the minimum age for execution is in Alabama?
- Bill Gambini: What, sixteen?
- Stan Rothenstein: Ten!