- Ed Bighead: Rocko, what're you doing?
- Rocko: [With a paddle in his hand] We're playing spank the monkey.
- Crappy Jack: Arr, and then, I heard a scream so loud it could be heard down in Davy Jones' locker. Mickey Dolenz's locker too, and Peter Tork's locker. All the Monkees had lockers...
- Filburt: [Reading the Fortune Cookie] Bad luck and extreme misfortune will infest your pathetic soul for all eternity.
- Eagle: A wallaby in a boat waving a fish... That's odd - yet strangely appetizing!
- Filburt: You turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands. Turn the page, wash your hands...
- Filburt's son: Why do we wear these things on our shoulders?
- Filburt: Because... it's the future! Thank you for stopping by.
- [repeated line]
- Fat Man: I thought I told you to keep your bird away from MY MONKEY!
- [Ed Bighead walks into his home. Rocko has no shirt on. Bev is handing him a bit of cash. She sees him, and plants a *large* smooch on him. Rocko steps back]
- Rocko: Uh, er... Mr. Bighead! It's not what you think! I was just
- [points]
- Rocko: ... um, and she...
- [Rocko begins falling apart, like a Jenga game]
- Ed Bighead: [angry] You saw my wife in her bath robe?
- [disturbed]
- Ed Bighead: Isn't it awful?
- Heffer: I'm starving. What's the biggest thing on the menu?
- Cashier: That would be our Knockwurst Nightmare Platter, 570 pounds of ground pig parts packed tightly but tantalizingly into over two miles of intestinal tubing. No-one has ever finished the Nightmare Platter.
- Heffer: I'll take two.
- Cashier: There aren't enough pigs in the country, sir.
- Grandpa Wolfe: I say we eat the beaver!
- [Rocko, Heffer and Filburt are about to be hit with bowling balls by the Schitzel Cult]
- Rocko: You can't chuck bowling balls at us!
- Schnitzel Cult Leader: Yes, we can. Says so in the Great Book of Bratwurst.
- [reads]
- Schnitzel Cult Leader: "And if there is one among you who does not follow the ways of the Schnitzel, let that one go, and do not throw bowling balls at them."
- Rocko: You see? It says let us go.
- Schnitzel Cult Leader: It's a matter of interpretation.
- French Guy: Ahhh, this is no problem. She's at the Eiffel Tower!
- Rocko: Really?
- French Guy: Sure! All cheesy love stories end there!
- Filburt: [behind the counter at the mall food court] Stuff On A Stick: Stick your face in our stuff.
- [Ed is spying on Rocko's backyard, where a nudist party is being held]
- Ed Bighead: Bev! Oh, I can't believe it! Do you know what that *weirdo* next door is up to?
- Bev Bighead: Oh, shut up and mind your own business, Ed.
- Ed Bighead: But, Bev! They're, well... *Nude*!
- [Excited, Bev grabs the binoculars from Ed]
- Bev Bighead: Oh, Ed! Oh, you're right! Yes! This is disgusting!
- [in whisper]
- Bev Bighead: Quick, Ed, get the telescope out of the hall closet!
- Really Really Big Man: You monsters are all alike. You march in here like you own the place and start redecorating.
- Really Really Big Man: Look into my nipples of the future.
- Ed Bighead: [singing] Oh, I don't have the patience to recycle. I don't care about the o-zone layer. I don't buy a single thing that's biodegradeable and I just dump my garbage anywhere.
- [gets fried by sudden blast of sunlight]
- Captain Compost Heap: So you see, kids... If we're not nice to Mother Nature... she'll kick your butts.
- Peaches: I am the Dark Underlord, the Prince of Doom, the King of Eternal Torment! I am Pain! I am Evil! They call me... Peaches!
- Peaches: This is a 1954 McSpirit Spectervision 3000, and it belongs to me! Do you know what that makes it?
- Heffer: Um... I give up.
- Peaches: It's the TV from Heck!
- [Heffer and Peaches laugh]
- Heffer: Wait a minute. Heck? Isn't it supposed to be...
- Peaches: [Covers Heffer's mouth] Censors! And here's the lamp from Heck, and the pineapple from Heck...
- Heffer: I love it when people say that.
- Mr. Cheese: I am the cheese. I am the best character on this show. I am better than the salami and the bologna combined.
- Heffer: [after finding Rocko in the dumpster, his nail-biting problem out of control] All this toe-chewing is making me hungry. Let's go get some chili!
- Heffer: Through the use of sophisticated computer technology, and a box of crayons, we have constructed a likeness of Dingo today.
- Rocko's Boss: [voiceover] Don't touch the green button!
- Crappy Jack the Sailor: I turned leeward in time to witness the full sail yardarm give way and came crashing down on my midshipman's hind quarters. He let out a scream that could be heard all the way down in Davy Jones' locker. Micky Dolenz's locker too, and Peter Tork's locker. All the Monkees had lockers.
- Anchorman Fran: Now to Fran at the courthouse. Fran? Thanks, Fran. Well, this may very well be the trial of the century, and the question on everyone's mind is: What the heck is Rocko? Is he some kind of dog?
- Kangaroo: I think he's a rabbit.
- French Guy: A rabbit.
- Spunky: You're asking *me*?
- Anchorman Fran: Everyone seems to have an opinion. Excuse me... may I ask you something?
- Heffer: [in disguise] Umm... Me llamo Francior!
- Filburt: [in disguise] And I don't speak English!