Mel Gibson credited as playing...
Justin McLeod
- McLeod: You gave me what I never expected to find again. A gift of your trust and love. And nothing can take that grace away. The best is yet to be, Norstadt. So do it well...
- Justin McLeod: Is it this? Is this what you see? I assure you it is human. But if that's all you see, then you don't see me. You can't see me.
- McLeod: Think Norstad, reason. Have I ever abused you? Did I ever lay a hand on you of anything but friendship on you? Could I? Could you imagine me ever doing so? And what about the past?
- Chuck Norstadt: Just tell me you didn't do it, I'll believe you.
- McLeod: No, no sir! I didn't spend all summer so you could cheat on this question.
- Chuck Norstadt: Is it true that you write pornography?
- [McLeod seems a little shocked, then embarassed, holding his head in both hands. Chuck feels bad, thinking he angered McLeod]
- McLeod: [starts laughing hysterically] Is that the latest rumour?
- Justin McLeod: If you're going to plagiarize, you could at least show the courtesy of copying...
- Chuck Norstadt: What are you talking about?
- Justin McLeod: Don't! Who wrote this? Who?
- Chuck Norstadt: Bill Garfield.
- Justin McLeod: Never heard of him.
- Chuck Norstadt: He's at Columbia.
- Justin McLeod: Ah! I see you're a high-class cheat.
- Chuck Norstadt: I'm not a cheat, listen...
- Justin McLeod: Yes you are.
- Chuck Norstadt: I hate writing.
- Justin McLeod: Aut disce aut discede!
- Chuck Norstadt: I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I betrayed you. I stabbed you in the back, and I don't even know why.
- Justin McLeod: Oh, come on, we're not doing Julius Caesar now.
- Chuck Norstadt: What?
- Justin McLeod: "Et tu, Chuckus"? It's all right, I'll live with it.
- Chuck Norstadt: You mean, you don't hate my guts?
- Justin McLeod: No, I don't hate your guts.
- Justin McLeod: I like privacy.
- Chuck Norstadt: Yeah, well, um, what about living alone? Do you like that?
- Justin McLeod: It likes me.
- Chuck Norstadt: What do you mean?
- Justin McLeod: I've become a proper fairy-tale troll here, Norstadt. Tourist board ought to pay me.
- Mr. William McDowell: Why didn't you just go to the mother and make sure that Charles had told her about the tutoring?
- McLeod: If I... you've never taught, have you, Mr. McDowell?
- Mr. William McDowell: Taught? No.
- McLeod: You can't teach a thing without giving away your trust.
- Mr. William McDowell: I don't think I follow.
- McLeod: Let's say I was teaching you, as a lawyer, to be honest. I couldn't trust you to tell the truth and then run around to the courtroom to see whether or not you were lying, could I? Not unless I was absolutely sure that you were lying.
- McLeod: The problem is one of water.
- Chuck Norstadt: Water?
- McLeod: Water. Women have, on average, about 5% more of it than do men, making them subject to different forces of gravity. Oh don't take my word for it, you can look it up in Newton. It's there.
- Chuck Norstadt: Couldn't they be drained?
- [McLeod laughs]
- Chuck Norstadt: I'm serious!
- McLeod: Well, I believe they're waiting for us to drink more fluids.
- [Going over Chuck's essay]
- Justin McLeod: What would you change about the government?
- Chuck Norstadt: Me? Um, lots of things.
- Justin McLeod: Such as?
- Chuck Norstadt: Su-such as...
- Justin McLeod: Such as how the word is spelled, for example.
- Chuck Norstadt: What?
- Justin McLeod: Judging by your essay, looks as if you hope to change the spelling of the word "government," "democracy," and, uh, "Richard Miltown Nixon."
- Chuck Norstadt: So I'm not too good at spelling.
- Justin McLeod: Now, I'd like you to write an essay. Any topic you'd like.
- Chuck Norstadt: Why? It's not on the exam.
- Justin McLeod: Why did you come here? Quickly, don't think, just answer. Why?
- Chuck Norstadt: For s-some help, you know.
- Justin McLeod: No, I don't know. Do you want help or not?
- Chuck Norstadt: Yeah, I guess so, if you're really a teacher.
- Justin McLeod: "Yeah, I guess so", SIR.
- Chuck Norstadt: Yes, I guess so, sir.
- Justin McLeod: Good. This is the way it works. Aut disce aut discede - learn or leave. Because it's of no consequence to me, one way or the other. Understood?
- McLeod: "Why the System Should Be Changed" - exclamation point - "by Charles E. Norstadt" I had no idea you pondered such weighty matters, Charles E.