- [once taken out of the cast, Henry's arm snaps around and hits Dr. Kersten in the nose]
- Dr. Kersten: [muffled, with hands over his face] Funky, buttloving...!
- George: Did he say "funky buttloving?"
- Phil Brickman: The key to being a big league pitcher is the 3 R's: readiness, recuperation, and conditioning! You see, after the game, a lot of guys like to ice up their arm. Still, other fellas think that heat is the way to go. But I have discovered the secret, Henry: hot ice! That's right: hot ice. I heat up... the ice cubes! It's the best of both worlds!
- Cliff Murdoch - Announcer: [after Henry throws a ball from the bleachers to home plate] I just figured out why the Cubs lose every year. They've got more talent in the stands than they do in the field.
- Phil Brickman: Hey, your mom has a pretty good arm! I ain't seen the floater pitch since Scuffy McGee!
- Martinella: [Sal finally gets Henry's last name right during the Divison Championship game, after Chet Steadman steps off] Rowengartner, you're going in.
- Henry Rowengartner: [confused] What did he just call me?
- [Chet laughs]
- [after Chet Steadman gives up a home run]
- Cliff Murdoch - Announcer: Well, that's going to bring Rocket's earned run average to about, uh, three hundred or so. Which equals the attendance here today. What a team.
- [repeated lines, while Henry is at bat]
- Mary Rowengartner: [watching on TV] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Chet Steadman: [watching from the dugout] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Henry Rowengartner: [in the batter's box] Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Martinella: I'm looking for Henry Rulenfurter.
- Henry Rowengartner: Henry Rowengartner?
- Martinella: Yeah.
- Henry Rowengartner: I'm Henry!
- Martinella: [*confused, apparently because he had no idea Henry was a kid*] ... I might be looking for your father.
- Chet Steadman: Henry, don't take this serious. But its nothing to joke about. But one day, your gift will be gone.
- Chet Steadman: Do me a favor: Don't call me "Rocket".
- Henry Rowengartner: Why not?
- Chet Steadman: 'Cause I'm not the "Rocket" anymore.
- Henry Rowengartner: Yeah, I don't get it, you're throwing so slow.
- Chet Steadman: Well, thank you very much.
- Larry Fisher: Hey, kid! How'd you like to play for the Chicago Cubs?
- Henry Rowengartner: Great! But I gotta ask my mom first.
- Chet Steadman: Do me a favor, Henry. Don't take this game too seriously.
- Henry Rowengartner: Why not?
- Chet Steadman: Because one day it'll all be over. Your gift will be gone.
- Clark: They're sending Henry in!
- George: Yeah, we're gonna go sit closer so you can see better.
- Mary Rowengartner: Come on, let's go get seats.
- Bob Carson: Seats? You mean down on the field level?
- Mary Rowengartner: Yeah.
- Bob Carson: No, no, no. Please, that's too dangerous.
- Mary Rowengartner: Why?
- Bob Carson: Me, the owner of the Cubs sitting down with the fans? They'd kill me.
- Chet Steadman: [Henry is playing a GameBoy] That's going to make you stupid.
- [he doesn't reply]
- Chet Steadman: Maybe it already has.
- [first lines]
- Cliff Murdoch - Announcer: Opening Day at Wrigley, and oh what a sight! The diamond, the decorations, and the dread of yet another losing season.
- Martinella: You good for another inning?
- Henry Rowengartner: You betcha, Sally baby!
- Martinella: Good, 'cause you're on deck.
- Henry Rowengartner: [dumbfounded] Huh?
- Martinella: You're up after Fern.
- Chet Steadman: You can't let him bat.
- Martinella: He's gotta learn sometime.
- Larry Fisher: Reporters are foaming at the mouth for a piece of the kid.
- Mary Rowengartner: Which piece?
- Phil Brickman: I wrap the cake up in my vomit bag, and voila!... Breakfast!
- [pounding the airplane tray table]
- Phil Brickman: Conservation, Managing resources... that is the key to Baseball.
- Ernie: Mr. Carson's last year as team owner, he must be really depressed.
- Bob Carson: Oh boy, Fish, look a decoder ring... I got it out of the Cracker Jack box... look it fits on your finger.
- Larry Fisher: Yeah, yeah, that's great, Uncle Bob.
- [Whispers to assistant]
- Larry Fisher: That man is turning into a cracker jack.
- Henry Rowengartner: Wow, you ate that whole thing?
- Frick: Why, sure! It wasn't that much
- Henry Rowengartner: That's impressive.
- Frick: You should see what I can do in a bed!
- Phil Brickman: Sometimes you just gotta put the pedal to the metal and live the fantasy! Rock and roll!
- Phil Brickman: Hey! Your Mom's got a pretty good arm! I haven't seen the floater pitch since Scruffy McGee!
- [last lines]
- Henry Rowengartner: [finally catches the ball] I got it!
- [All of the crowd cheering]
- Chet Steadman: Yeah! Big Hank!
- Cliff Murdoch - Announcer: i just figured out why the cubs lose every year we have more talent in the stands thsn on the field
- Carson's Hot Dog Vendor: Hot dog here! Get your...
- Bob Carson: Four hot dogs, please.
- Carson's Hot Dog Vendor: All right sir, coming right up. Here you are... .
- Bob Carson: [hands the vendor $1] Thank you!
- Carson's Hot Dog Vendor: What, are you kidding, Mac? You're eleven bucks short! They're three bucks a piece!
- Bob Carson: [surprised] Three dollars for a hot dog?