Quotes

We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story

Professor Screweyes: Hey Stubbs! Where do you think you're goin'? Get back here!
Stubbs the Clown: Oh, I forgot to tell ya... I QUIT! I quit! Ha! I resign! Are you gettin' this completely in your ear? I am PROFOUNDLY outta here! And this ain't about money. I ain't even complaining about my dry cleaning bill. But hang around with elephants all day and try to keep YOUR clothes clean!
[audience laughs]
Stubbs the Clown: But that's not the point. The point is, I quit. Quittski! Over-and-outski! That's all she wrote! KEEP MY LAST CHECK, BUDDY!
[hands each item to Screweyes as he mentions it]
Stubbs the Clown: Here's my shoes, my nose, my horn, my buzzer, my fake arm, my bug-eye glasses, my backstage passes, my hat, my rabbit, HIS backstage passes, my fake fangs, a few birds, my pogo stick, my donkey ears, my extending tounge gag, my rubber chicken; Ya can't even get these anymore; my lucky whale tooth, and a giant clam that opens to reveal the American flag held by a mermaid and her normal brother, Richard!
[audience laughing]
Stubbs the Clown: SO LONG! Oh, and by the way, in case you're wondering why I'm talking and they're laughing, let me explain it to ya...
Stubbs the Clown: [Screams] THAT'S! COMEDY!

Professor Screweyes: Brother! Brother, wait! When I am all alone... when I have no one to scare, I get very frightened myself.

Captain Neweyes: Heard your wish on my wish radio. "Let no bad happen." Very good. Couldn't agree more.

Buster: Say, ain't you a dinosaur?
Rex: Why, yes. From tooth to toe, I am.
Buster: Then what the heck are you doin' playing golf?
Rex: I'm smart, Buster. I'm a smart dinosaur. But... I wasn't always.
Buster: You weren't?
Rex: Noooo, no sirree. You know, I started off stupid and violent.
Buster: You DID?
Rex: This was a long time ago, you understand? A LONG time ago. I was a real terror then. I was a real animal. And I was hungry, ALL the time!

Rex: The name's Rex. What's yours?
Louie: I think my name's Louie, but seeing you guys is giving me doubts about my brain.

Dr. Bleeb: They're not here. I missed them again because of my endless, shameless lateness. No matter, we'll rendezvous. We'll rendezvous.

Cecilia: [the kids are in costume, participating in the circus as a cover] Louie, I feel so silly! What is wrong with these people?
Louie: I dunno, but I've never seen so many tonsils in my life!

Professor Screweyes: [describing his Fright Radio] It picks up what people are scared to death of. You see, I find out what they're frightened of on this radio and that's what I try to give them with my circus. It's a public service, but this is the station that comes in the loudest of all.

Louie: Just get me to the circus and we'll say no more about it.
[He starts walking as the dinosaurs follow him, Rex bumps his head on one of the construction devices with a clang]
Rex: Ow! Ooh!
Louie: Be careful, will ya? I can't be savin' ya every two minutes.

Dr. Bleeb: [Not noticing as Rex runs and steps over her, puts a poster over the Professor Screweyes Eccentric Circus poster] Dinosaur exhibit, the Museum of Natural History. You can't skimp on publicity.

[Prof. Screweyes has just shown off his Fright Radio to the kids and the dinosaurs]
Professor Screweyes: You see what they're most afraid of?
Woog: No.
Professor Screweyes: Monsters!
Rex: Monsters?
Professor Screweyes: You!
Rex: Us?
Dweeb: Us?
Professor Screweyes: [holding out a jar of glowing pills] With a little help, yes.
Cecilia: What's that?
Professor Screweyes: It's Brain Drain, the remedy to my brother's goody-two-shoes breakfast cereal. It'll take you back. It'll make you monsters.
Woog: But we don't want to be monsters.
Rex: We're not taking anything. You can forget it.
Professor Screweyes: All right, you're free. You can go. I can't stop you. But the kids... are mine.

Professor Screweyes: [having just hypnotized Louie and Cecilia into submission] Among my many other rights under this contract, including copyrights on all their ideas, I've got an exclusive option... on their willpower.
[Screweyes takes a tablet of his Brain Drain pill and snaps it in half]
Professor Screweyes: Now, this is just a temporary dose: my way of demonstration...
[the children slowly transform into primitive chimps, to the horror of the dinosaurs]
Rex: Change them back! Or I'll...
Professor Screweyes: Or you'll what? You're too enlightened by my brother's Brain Grain. You've lost your savagery. You've lost your frightening, prehistoric power to intimidate! You're civilized now and I've got a contract, and you're gonna respect that like the chumps that you are! But I'll tell you what I'd be willing to do: you all agree to take the Brain Drain, and I'll rip up this contract and set the kids free; if you don't take it, I'll bill them as the wild children of Hellzapoppin and use them to scare people in the sideshow! It's up to you!
Rex: [sighs] I'll take it.
Elsa: [angrily] And I'll take it, you loathsome creature!
Dweeb: [voice breaking] I'll do it.
Woog: [in tears] Me too.

Dr. Bleeb: [Walks to the crane area where Louie and the dinosaurs just left] Welcome to New York City!
[adjusts her glasses, realizes that those are cranes]
Dr. Bleeb: Oh, I missed them from apparent lateness. We'll rendezvous, we'll rendezvous.

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