Elliott Gould credited as playing...
Jack Geller
- Ross: [clinks wine glass] Uhh, excuse me. If I could have everybody's attention. I'm Ross Geller.
- Jack Geller: DR. Ross Geller.
- Ross: Dad... Please. Anyway, as I was saying, I'm Dr. Ross Geller...
- [Joey has to keep everyone in his apartment]
- Judy Geller: Well, we'll get going.
- Jack Geller: Bye.
- [both leave]
- Monica: Hey. How come they get to leave?
- Joey: Hey, Jack is a great man. He fought for our country.
- Monica: No, he didn't. He pretended to be a Quaker to get out of Korea.
- [Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica]
- Jack Geller: Come on, tell us.
- Jack's friend: Yeah. Is she really 20?
- Richard: I'm not telling you guys anything.
- Jack Geller: Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
- Ross: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
- Jack Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
- Richard: Jack, would you let it go?
- Jack Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
- Richard: Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
- Jack Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
- Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
- Jack Geller: Of course you could kick Chandler's ass, son.
- Judy Geller: You could kick any ass you wanted to!
- Jack Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.
- Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
- Monica: Oh dad, really you don't need to...
- Jack Geller: [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
- Judy Geller: [incredulous] You don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
- Jack Geller: Now, are you his Mother or his Father? What? I've never seen one before! I never even got a chance to pretend I'm okay with it...
- Jack Geller: [watches touchdown on pocket TV at Funeral] God, now I'm Depressed! I mean more than before...