Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay • Ursula Buffay

Friends

Phoebe Buffay • Ursula Buffay

Phoebe: [Right after playing a song in the coffee shop] If you want to receive e-mails about my upcoming shows, then please give me money so I can buy a computer.

Phoebe: Ok, I got an idea. If it's a girl, Phoebe, naturally. And, if it's a boy... Phoebo.
Ross: Uhh... Sure, but let's not limit ourselves to just one name.
Rachel: Ok, I got one. If it's a girl... Sandrine. It's French.
Ross: That's a great name... for an industrial solvent.
Rachel: Ok, you got a better one?
Ross: Yeah, check this out. If it's a boy - Darwin.
Rachel: Yes, Ross, I do want a son who'll be regularly beaten in the schoolyard.
Phoebe: By Sandrine.

[Chandler's roommate, Eddie has just accused him of sleeping with his ex girlfriend and killing his fish]
Phoebe: Why would you kill his fish?
Chandler: Because, Phoebe, sometimes after you sleep with someone you have to kill a fish.

[Rachel is upset about something]
Phoebe: Aww Pheebs.
Rachel: Honey, that's your name.
Phoebe: Oh, Pheebs is short for Phoebe I thought that's just what we called each other.

[Re: "If you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?"]
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she said "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex or food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex or dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if you had to give up sex or food, which would you pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, you have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!

Phoebe: Chandler still thinks I'm pregnant and he hasn't asked me how I'm feeling or offered to carry my bags. I feel bad for the woman who ends up with him.

[Ross and Rachel are picking out names for their baby, and have each 5 vetoes]
Ross: Curie.
Rachel: Veto. Rain.
Ross: Veto. Mark.
Rachel: Veto. Vince.
Ross: Veto. Lance.
Rachel: Veto. James.
Ross: Hmmm...
Rachel: If it's a girl.
Ross: Veto.
Phoebe: Is it just me, or is Vito beginning to sound real good?

[a ritual to get rid of bad-boyfriend karma]
Phoebe: Okay, now we need the sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I have is oregano and a Fresca.
Phoebe: That's okay.
[Adds them]
Phoebe: All right, now we need the semen of a righteous man.
Rachel: OK, Pheebs, you know what? If we had that, we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place.

Phoebe: I may play the fool at times but I'm a little more than just a pretty blonde girl with an ass that won't quit.

Phoebe: Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap, asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap. He said all you need is to write them a song. Now you haven't heard it yet, so don't try to sing along. No don't sing along. Monica, Monica, have a happy Hannukah. I saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross. And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowy. And Rachel and Chandler... have a
[mumble]
Phoebe: handlerrrrr.

Phoebe: [explaining to Mike's parents and friends her song] And then it goes back to the chorus, "Smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault" and that's it.
[pause]
Phoebe: I know you didn't ask but no-one had spoken for fourteen minutes.