- Pearl Slaghoople: Oh, you poor, poor dear. You could have married Elliot Firestone, the man who invented the wheel.
- [gives Fred a nasty glare]
- Pearl Slaghoople: Instead you picked Fred Flintstone, the man who invented the excuse!
- Mr. Slate: How did this happen?
- Fred Flintstone: Well, it all started when I lent money to Barney so he could adopt a baby.
- Mr. Slate: Not that. How did this happen to Cliff?
- [shows Cliff trapped in a hard rough substance]
- Fred Flintstone: Well, the machine went haywire and the rocks got crushed up and mixed with the water, and it got onto Cliff. Mr. Slate, I'm sorry.
- Mr. Slate: Sorry? I love this stuff! I'm gonna name it after my daughter, Concretia.
- Barney Rubble: You know, Fred, I hear that eatin' too much red meat is bad for you.
- Fred Flintstone: What a load of bunk! My father ate it every day of his life and he lived to the ripe old age of thirty-eight.
- Mrs. Pyrite: Mr. and Mrs. Rubble, this is your little boy.
- [Presents Bamm-Bamm]
- Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, isn't he precious?
- Fred Flintstone: [aside to Wilma] Precious? They'd have been better off with the monkey.
- Wilma Flintstone: Fred!
- Betty Rubble: Does he have a name?
- Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm.
- Barney Rubble: Is that short for something?
- Mrs. Pyrite: Bamm-Bamm-Bamm. You're going to have to take it slowly with this one. He doesn't speak yet and is a little skittish around humans, but, then again, I would be too if I'd been raised by wild mastodons. Ha ha ha.
- Betty Rubble, Barney Rubble: Mastodons?
- Mrs. Pyrite: Let's not nitpick! A mammal's a mammal.
- Barney Rubble: You're afraid to tell Wilma, aren't you?
- Fred Flintstone: [skids the car to an abrupt halt] Afraid? Now let's get this straight, Rubble, I don't need permission from my wife to make a decision. In my cave, I reign supreme, *su-PREME*!
- Barney Rubble: I won't tell her, Fred.
- Fred Flintstone: [relieved] Thanks, pal.
- [Dino grabs one of the steaks off the grill and runs away]
- Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn, you like your steak rare?
- Barney Rubble: Yeah.
- Fred Flintstone: That one's yours.
- Barney Rubble: [chases Dino] Hey, stop! Come back here, you purple rodent!
- Fred Flintstone: Hey, Barn! Don't forget to wash that off before you eat it!
- [chuckles and drinks his Coke]
- Pearl Slaghoople: Somebody has to look after my daughter and grandchild, while you're out carousing with a bunch of Neanderthals.
- Fred Flintstone: Oh, really? Well, for your information, the lodge no longer accepts Neanderthals.
- Pearl Slaghoople: He robs your nest egg to bail out that little troll next door, while my daughter has to wash her clothes in the river.
- Fred Flintstone: I've got half a mind...!
- Pearl Slaghoople: Oh, don't flatter yourself!
- Mr. Slate: Gentlemen, please, I can't endorse this modernization if it means laying off all those workers. Some of them have been here since the beginning of time.
- Cliff Vandercave: What if I could quadruple your income?
- Mr. Slate: I'll miss them. You were saying?
- [as Fred and Pearl argue]
- Wilma Flintstone: You two should be ashamed of yourselves!
- Pearl Slaghoople: I got my hands full just being ashamed of him.
- Fred Flintstone: You got your hands full when you scratch your neck!
- Hoagie: Waka-waka-woo!
- Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, Joe Rockhead: Waka-waka-woo!
- Hoagie: Wooga-wooga-wee!
- Fred Flintstone, Barney Rubble, Joe Rockhead: Wooga-wooga wee! Piki-piki-piki, Poki-poki-poki!
- [They howling and guests brought the giant cup of lava juice]
- Hoagie: Lava juice!
- Wilma Flintstone: I cannot believe you just sat there and let them walk out on us.
- Fred Flintstone: At least I can walk around the house in my underwear again.
- Wilma Flintstone: And that is more important to you than 20 years of friendship?
- Fred Flintstone: It is on a hot day.
- Sharon Stone: Can I get you anything? Coffee?
- Fred Flintstone: Sure.
- Sharon Stone: [seductively] How would you like it?
- Fred Flintstone: In a cup?
- Sharon Stone: Bold choice, Mr. Flintstone! You'll go far in this company.
- Barney Rubble: Tell me something, Mr. Vice President, what's a graduated inventory plan? How about supply and demand? Hey Fred, what's two and two?
- Fred Flintstone: ...I didn't come here to talk business. I'm out with my wife. Now get me a clean spoon.
- Fred Flintstone: Take a memo. Cliff, let's play golf. We can prioritize, conceptualize and tenderize. Executively yours, Fred Fliiii -
- [falls backwards out of his chair]
- Dictabird: Are there six or seven I's in 'Fliiii - '?
- Cliff Vandercave: Look at those pathetic worms burrowing their lives away. Do you know why I'm up here and they're down there, Miss Stone?
- Sharon Stone: Because you lied on your résumé?
- Cliff Vandercave: No. Because I have vision, and right now I have a vision of you and me dripping with coconut oil on a beach in Rockapulco with Mr. Slate's fortune to keep us company.
- Sharon Stone: I'm glad we see eye to eye.
- Cliff Vandercave: And somewhere down there is the ignorant stooge who will make all my schemes come true.
- Sharon Stone: I'm worried, Cliff, I think Mr. Flintstone is smarter than we thought.
- Cliff Vandercave: Ha. He'd have to be to get himself dressed in the morning.
- Betty Rubble: You know, Barney, life is funny. One minute people are your best friends, and the next you're fantasizing they're being ripped apart by a pack of rabid wolves.
- Barney Rubble: You too, huh?
- Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney, they've changed. I hardly know them since Fred's become a big shot.
- Barney Rubble: And it should be us squanderin' all our money and treatin' our friends like dirt.
- Betty Rubble: What do you mean?
- Barney Rubble: Nothin'. Just sour grapes, I guess.
- Betty Rubble: Don't worry, Barney. It's gonna get better. One day, we'll look back on all this, and we'll laugh.
- Barney Rubble: Gee, I hope so, Betty, 'cause tomorrow they got me testing shark repellent.
- [they both grimace]
- Fred Flintstone: Well, I'm not going to jail, but it won't be easy finding a new job. What kind of reference is Mr. Slate gonna give me after I destroyed his quarry.
- Betty Rubble: Aw, none of this was your fault, Fred. I'm sure Mr. Slate will understand.
- Mr. Slate: [screams] FLINTSTONE!
- Fred Flintstone: Sure, now he gets my name right.
- Wilma Flintstone: [when Barney and Betty are waiting for their adopted child] Fred? And promise me you won't say anything like what you did when you saw my sister's baby.
- Fred Flintstone: The kid had a tail? What was I supposed to do? Pretend I didn't notice?
- Wilma Flintstone: This has gone far enough! After everything that we've done for you! We took you into our home!
- Betty Rubble: Oh, yeah, so you could show off every chance you got. You used to be such nice people but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Hmph!
- Fred Flintstone: I just want my old job back and my old life.
- Barney Rubble: Hey, Fred.
- [waves Fred over and whispers in his ear]
- Fred Flintstone: Oh, and two weeks paid vacation for all the men in the quarry, an annual cost-of-living increase, and those little packets of ketchup in the lunch room.
- [after Cliff has announced that Fred had won the executive job]
- Fred Flintstone: Barney, quick, what's my name?
- Barney Rubble: Fred Flintstone!
- Fred Flintstone: Don't toy with me, Barn.
- Barney Rubble: So, Fred, what am I gonna call you now? Boss? Chief?
- Fred Flintstone: No, simply Your Highness will do.
- Cliff Vandercave: Through the miracle of geothermal power, the raw material is elevated to the second stage where our steam-powered conveyor belts carry...
- Executive in Boardroom: Steam? He's a mad man!
- Cliff Vandercave: *Steam*-powered conveyor belts, carry the product...
- [Cliff is on the ground, scrambling to pick up the money Sharon Stone hit him with. Fred walks up and steps on his hand]
- Fred Flintstone: Cliff? It's time for you and me to "interface"!
- [punches his own hand threateningly]
- Fred Flintstone: [the Rubbles have walked out on the Flintstones] They were holding us back, Wilma! We'll make new friends, there are 4,000 people in this world. Who needs the Rubbles?
- Wilma Flintstone: I do... But I'll tell you what I don't need. I don't need... this necklace.
- [rips off her necklace]
- Wilma Flintstone: You know I don't need this lamp.
- [knocks over a lamp which is based on the one from A Christmas Story]
- Wilma Flintstone: And I don't need this television set.
- Fred Flintstone: [frantically] Not the TV!
- Wilma Flintstone: [Wilma pushes the TV breaking it] I don't need this... I don't need this... Oh, I don't think I'll be needing any of this bone of china.
- [throws them at Fred]
- Wilma Flintstone: Because I don't have any friends to invite to dinner! So I don't think I'll need these cups and saucers.
- [throws away the dishes smashing them]
- Fred Flintstone: [missing the point] You'll regret this, Wilma. It's going to take you hours to clean up this mess.
- Wilma Flintstone: Fred, do you have to get Dino so wound up when you come home?
- Fred Flintstone: It's not my fault. Maybe he'd calm down if we had him fixed!
- Dino: WHAT?
- [he runs away]
- Susan Rock: And the demonstration continues to get uglier at Slate and Company, following the unexpected layoff of virtually the entire labour force by V.P. Fred Flintstone. For the Cave News Network, this is Susan Rock.
- Barney Rubble: Fred! Did you hear what happened to everyone at the quarry today?
- Fred Flintstone: Yep. Few hours ago, I sent 'em all off on a nice, long vacation.
- Barney Rubble: You mean, a permanent vacation!
- [turns to Wilma and Betty, points to him]
- Barney Rubble: He fired them!
- [Betty gasps]
- Wilma Flintstone: [turns to him] Fred! How could you?
- Fred Flintstone: I didn't do that!
- Barney Rubble: You did too! It's all over the TV!
- Wilma Flintstone: Fred!
- Fred Flintstone: Wilma, who are you gonna believe? Me or some busboy?
- Betty Rubble: That "busboy" is your best friend!
- Fred Flintstone: Best friend? BEST FRIEND? I lost my best friend the day I became an executive! He's just jealous of my hard-earned success!
- Barney Rubble: Hard-earned? Tell me something, Mr. Vice President! What's a graduated inventory plan, huh? How about supply and demand? Hey, Fred! What's two and two?
- Fred Flintstone: I didn't come here to talk business! I'm out with my wife! Now... get me a clean spoon.
- Barney Rubble: [slams the tablecloth] That does it! The only reason you got that job is 'cause I switched tests with you.
- Betty Rubble: Oh, Barney.
- Fred Flintstone: Oh, ho, ho, that's rich! What good would it do me to switch tests with the guy that got the lowest score in the quarry?
- Barney Rubble: Think about it, Fred!
- Betty Rubble: Oh! Finally, it all makes sense.
- Wilma Flintstone: You don't believe this, do you?
- Betty Rubble: [stands up] Are you calling my husband a liar?
- Wilma Flintstone: [gasps; stands up] Now, this has gone far enough! After everything that we've done for you! We took you into our home!
- Betty Rubble: Oh, yeah? So you could show off every chance you got!
- [Wilma gasps]
- Betty Rubble: You used to be such nice people, but now... you're just a couple of rich snobs! Mmm!
- Fred Flintstone: [stands up] Better than being a couple of petty ingrates.
- Betty Rubble: Come on, Barney! We are moving out tonight!
- Barney Rubble: Hang on, Betty. I forgot to punch out.
- [punches Fred in the face; he faints]
- [an angry mob of quarry workers chases Fred and surrounds him]
- Hoagie: String him up!
- Quarry workers: Yeah!
- Fred Flintstone: Wait, you can't do this! I was framed!
- Grizzled Man: In a minute, you're gonna be boxed!
- Quarry workers: Yeah!
- [Fred is dragged to a nearby tree; the quarry workers drape a noose over the top and put it around Fred's neck; Barney arrives in a snow cone truck]
- Barney Rubble: Anybody want a snow cone?
- Fred Flintstone: Barney!
- Barney Rubble: Fred!
- [gets out of the truck]
- Barney Rubble: What are you doing here?
- Fred Flintstone: I'm getting lynched!
- Barney Rubble: Oh.
- [to the quarry workers]
- Barney Rubble: I got cherry, lime, Rocky Road...
- Grizzled Man: Wait a minute. Do you know this guy?
- Barney Rubble: Know him? He used to be my best friend.
- [Fred frowns]
- Barney Rubble: Heck, in a way, if it wasn't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
- Grizzled Man: [nods] Thanks for filling us in, mister.
- [chuckles]
- Grizzled Man: We could've made a very big mistake here.
- [Fred smiles]
- Grizzled Man: Hang both of 'em!
- Barney Rubble: What?
- Quarry workers: Yeah!
- Bedrock's Most Wanted Host: [Fred emerges from the side of a building wearing a beard, hat, and trench coat and spots a TV broadcasting "Bedrock's Most Wanted"] Tonight, in a special edition of "Bedrock's Most Wanted," we bring you the story that's rocked our city: "The Case of the Embezzling Executive."
- Miss Stone Look-A-Like: [an "Actual Dramatization" is shown with actors playing Cliff, Fred, and Miss Stone with Fred shown stuffing money into a briefcase] Mr. Flintstone, what are you doing?
- Fred Look-A-Like: I'm an executive. I'm... embezzling!
- Miss Stone Look-A-Like: I'm shocked.
- Pearl Slaghoople: [Wilma, Pearl, and Betty are watching the same show at Pearl's house] How could you ever marry that man?
- Wilma Flintstone: Mother, that man is not my husband.
- Betty Rubble: That's right. He plays Dr. Gravelman on "The Young and the Thumbless."
- Wilma Flintstone: Fred might be a lot of things, but a thief is not one of them.
- Pearl Slaghoople: Can you prove it?
- Fred Look-A-Like: Who cares? Yabba dabba dabba.
- Wilma Flintstone: [Sees the Dictabird repeating Fred's "Yabba Dabba Dabba" on TV] Maybe I can.
- Fred Flintstone: [slams a file down on his desk] They made a fool out of me.
- Dictabird: Yeah, well, look what they had to work with.
- [laughs, then ducks as Fred throws a piece of the broken file at him; Cliff and Miss Stone burst into Fred's office]
- Cliff Vandercave: Flintstone! Heard you were down in the file room. Find anything interesting?
- Fred Flintstone: Yeah! I'm on to your little scam! Billing phoney companies and keeping the money for yourself! I'm going to Mr. Slate.
- Cliff Vandercave: Good idea. Turning yourself in might buy you a little leniency.
- Fred Flintstone: *Me*? This entire scheme was *your* idea!
- Cliff Vandercave: True, but I've graciously decided to give you all the credit, since it's *your* name on the requisitions.
- Fred Flintstone: I never touched *any* of that money!
- Cliff Vandercave: Fred, please! Remodeling your house? Furs? Cars? A fully equipped Le Sabertooth?
- [wags his finger]
- Cliff Vandercave: Tsk, tsk tsk. You should have been more discreet.
- Fred Flintstone: I'm *innocent*!
- Cliff Vandercave: [sarcastically] Oh, boo-hoo-hoo.
- [seriously]
- Cliff Vandercave: Miss Stone, call security. Tell them we've uncovered an embezzler.
- [Miss Stone reaches for the phone]
- Fred Flintstone: [grabs her hand] Miss Stone, you'll back me up, won't you?
- [glares at Cliff]
- Sharon Stone: You better run while you still have a chance.
- [Fred looks shockingly at her and heads for the door]
- Fred Flintstone: [points angrily at Cliff] You'll never get away with this.
- Cliff Vandercave: I already have.
- [smiles as Fred dashes out of the office]
- Cliff Vandercave: Do you know what we do up here?
- Fred Flintstone: Well, me and the guys have always wondered.
- Cliff Vandercave: We interface, Flintstone. We conceptualize, tenderize, prioritize.
- Fred Flintstone: When do we eat?
- Grizzled Man: Wait, do you know this guy?
- Barney Rubble: Know him? He used to be my best friend. Heck, if it weren't for me, this whole mess probably wouldn't have happened.
- Grizzled Man: Thanks for telling us. We could've made a very big mistake. Hang both of them!
- Cliff Vandercave: [happily] OK, Fred.
- [clasps his hands together]
- Cliff Vandercave: Are you ready for your first executive action?
- Fred Flintstone: Ready and willing! Whatever you need, consider it done!
- Cliff Vandercave: Good.
- [seriously]
- Cliff Vandercave: I want you to fire Bernard Rubble.
- Fred Flintstone: [punches his open palm] Done!
- [realises]
- Fred Flintstone: What? Fire Barney? Why?
- Cliff Vandercave: Well, for starters, he scored the lowest on the management aptitude test. He's an imbecile! The company can't afford to have dead weight like him on the payroll!
- Fred Flintstone: But, Mr. Vandercave, he's got a new kid, a mortgage. I'm his best friend. I can't.
- Cliff Vandercave: Fred.
- [puts his arm around Fred]
- Cliff Vandercave: If you don't fire him, I will. And then I'll fire *you.*
- [Fred looks nervous as Cliff pats him on the shoulder]
- Fred Flintstone: Barney Rubble has been my neighbor, my lodge brother and my best friend since the first time I went through the fifth grade.
- Barney Rubble: It's like a dream come true. A son. Somebody to carry on the proud name of Rubble. Think I'll be a good daddy, Fred?
- Fred Flintstone: Well, you're bound to find something you're good at.
- Barney Rubble: Yeah sure, but...
- Barney Rubble: [realizes what he said] Hey!
- Store Manager: Mrs. Rubble, there seems to be a slight problem with your credit card.
- Betty Rubble: Really? What's that?
- Store Manager: It's no damn good!
- [Breaks the card with a hammer]
- Fred Flintstone: Sorry I'm late. Had car trouble, I picked up a nail.
- [Shows everyone a bandaid on his dirty foot]
- Mr. Slate: Thank you for sharing that with us, Mr. Flagstone. May we continue?
- Fred Flintstone: [Holding a miniature model of houses the quarry plans to build] I hate to bust your bubble, but if you build houses this small, who's gonna live in them?
- Wilma Flintstone: We have scrimped and saved for that money, and every time we get a little bit ahead, you have to go blow it on some hair-brained scheme!
- Fred Flintstone: Now see here, Wilma! In this cave, I am the king! And...
- Wilma Flintstone: And what, Fred?
- Fred Flintstone: And you have every right to know, my queen.
- Fred Flintstone: Miss Stone, I'd like you to meet my wife, Mrs. Flagstone, and our daughter... uh... uh... isn't she beautiful? My family.