Michael Oliver credited as playing...
Junior Healy
- Junior: I'm sorry, Mr. Healy! Please don't spank me.
- Little Ben Healy: Well, I'll have to punish you somehow. I'm taking back your allowance.
- Junior: The whole buck?
- Little Ben Healy: Yes. Go get it.
- Junior: [going through stolen money, thinking to himself] I wonder if he's got change for a 20?
- Martin Beck: I drove over a thousand miles to hang out with a seven-year-old?
- Junior: I'm gonna be eight in two weeks.
- Martin Beck: Don't count on it.
- Junior: [being hauled to St. Brutus after bulldozing his parents' house] I was just kidding! Oh, no! Not the nuns! Not the nuns!
- Little Ben Healy: This is nature, huh? The trees. The forest. The smell of the country air.
- Junior: [noticing a row of Porta-Potties] The toilets.
- [imitating Mr. Peabody]
- Junior: Maybe if I shrug my shoulders and move around my hands like this, maybe people will think I know what I'm talking about.
- Mother Superior: You see, Mr. Peabody, the child is incorrigible.
- Junior: I'm what? Why don't you speak English, lady?
- [after he broke several milk bottles]
- Junior: I love the smell of spilled milk in the morning. It smells like victory.
- Junior: Why does this guy love me? Why does any parent love any kid? Maybe it's one of those answers we'll never know, like how high is up? Why is the sky blue? And whatever happened to Mrs. Healy?
- [Junior is scrubbing pots and pans on his birthday]
- Mother Superior: Junior! What is taking you so long? We start serving dinner in 20 minutes.
- Junior: I only got two hands!
- Mother Superior: And I want these pots so shiny that I can see my face in them.
- Junior: [Grabs a messy lid] This one kind of looks like you.
- Junior: [luring a bear to the campsite] I bet you've never been camping before. It's so much fun! There's singing, marshmallows, and all sorts of stupid humans to scare!
- Junior: [voiceover as a woman carries a basket on a stormy night] Nice night to be born. Apparently my birth is not considered a blessed event; that's me in the basket, and that's my mother carrying me.
- [Junior's mother puts him on a doorstep, rings the bell, and disappears]
- Junior: And that's my mother running away.
- Junior: [in Roy's station wagon chasing the Bow Tie killer, pulls out a rifle] Neat, look what I found!
- Little Ben Healy: Hey that's Roy's, give me that.
- Junior: Why? You can't drive and shoot at the same time!
- Little Ben Healy: What do we do?
- Junior: I've got an idea!
- [cut to Junior driving and Ben aiming out the sunroof]
- Junior: Shoot out his tires, Dad!
- Little Ben Healy: What is this?
- Junior: Oh, that's a picture of our camping trip. There's you holding the pan and there's Roy on the ground.
- Little Ben Healy: What are those squiggles over Roy?
- Junior: Those aren't squiggles, those are the birdies that fly over someone's head when they get knocked out!