Laura Dern credited as playing...
Lula
- Lula: Sometimes, Sail', when we're makin' love, you just about take me right over that rainbow. You are so aware of what goes on in me, I mean, you pay attention. And I swear, baby, you got the sweetest cock. It's like it's talking to me when you're inside. Like it's got this little voice all it's own.
- Sailor: Man, I had a boner with a capital "O". Anyway, I found her lyin' in a room filled with assault weapons and spank house magazines. So, I slid my hand between her legs again, and she closed her thighs on it.
- Lula: You're excitin' me, honey. Then what'd she do?
- Sailor: Well, her face was half pushed into the pillow, and I remember, she - she looked back over her shoulder at me and said: "I won't suck you. Don't ask me to suck you."
- Lula: Oh, poor baby, she don't know what she missed. What color hair she have?
- Sailor: Jet black, but gentlemen prefer blondes.
- Bobby Peru: I gotta take a piss bad, can I use your head?
- Lula: Uh... yeah, I guess.
- Bobby Peru: I don't mean your head-head. I'm not gonna piss on your head, your hair and all, I'm just gonna piss in the toilet. Y'all take a listen, you'll hear the deep sound comin' down from Bobby Peru.
- Lula: You remind me of my daddy, you know. Mama told me he liked skinny women with breasts that stood up and said "Hello".
- Sailor: Honey, you ain't gonna begin worrying now about what's bad for you? I mean, here you are, crossing state lines with a 'A' number one certified murderer. Murderer.
- Lula: A manslaughterer, honey, not murderer. Don't exaggerate.
- Sailor: Okay, manslaughterer - who just broke parole and got nothin' in mind but immoral purposes, as far as you're concerned.
- Lula: Thank the Lord! Well, you ain't let me down yet Sail'. It's more than I can say for the rest of the world.
- Lula: Have you been noticin' the build up in traffic?
- Sailor: Here she goes again.
- Lula: I'm sorry, Sailor, but that ozone layer' s disappearin'. One of these mornings, the sun's gonna come up and burn a hole clean through the planet like an electrical X-ray.
- Sailor: Well that ain't never will happen, honey. At least not in our lifetime. By then, they'll be drivin' Buicks to the moon.
- Lula: Dell said that trust in the spirit of Christmas was destroyed by ideas being controlled by aliens wearing black gloves. These aliens would get Dell to do all kinds of things. Then he'd carry on about the weather, talk about how rainfall is controlled by aliens on earth. Aunt Rootie told Dell that one day he would realize that the alien wearing the black gloves was him, and him alone.