Frank Oz credited as playing...
Miss Piggy • Fozzie Bear • Sam the Eagle • Construction Worker
- Kermit the Frog: We will also see a rousing finale from Sam the Eagle. What's it called, Sam?
- Sam the Eagle: It's called "A Salute to All Nations, But Mostly America".
- Kermit the Frog: Sam, are you ready with that finale?
- Sam the Eagle: It's a glorious three-hour finale!
- Kermit the Frog: You got a minute and a half.
- Sam the Eagle: Will you stop this foolishness?
- The Great Gonzo: What foolishness would you like to see?
- [a banana cream pie comes flying out of the screen]
- Kermit the Frog: What is that?
- Fozzie Bear: Isn't it great? It's my new remote-controlled banana cream pie. Hey Kermit... Watch this!
- [Fozzie presses a button and the remote control breaks causing the pie to spin and end up on Fozzie's face]
- Kermit the Frog: Oh, Fozzie, that's terrible!
- Fozzie Bear: [tasting it] Yeah, you're right... needs more sugar.
- Statler: Oh, no, it's that bear again.
- Waldorf: Hey, bear, you're not even funny in 3-D!
- [they laugh]
- Fozzie Bear: Oh, no, not you guys. How'd you get here?
- Statler: We entered a contest.
- Waldorf: Yeah. We lost!
- Sam the Eagle: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is my honor to present to you... Mr. Mickey Mouse!
- Rizzo the Rat: [singing to the tune of the Mickey Mouse Club March] Oh, Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da! Hi there, welcome to my park, how'ya doin'...
- Sam the Eagle: Wait a minute! You are not Mickey Mouse! You are a rat!
- Rizzo the Rat: Rat, schmat! Besides, they're tourists. What do they know?
- Camilla: Bawk, buck, ba-gawk.
- Fozzie Bear: Hey, you're not a penguin. You're a chicken. I told you chickens to stay on the other side of the road.
- [to no one in particular]
- Fozzie Bear: Okay, everyone, why did this chicken cross the road?
- Camilla: Ba-gawk, buck, ba-gawk, bawk, bawk, bawk.
- Fozzie Bear: Oh, that's funny. Hey, everyone, why did the chicken cross the road?
- Kermit the Frog: And our demonstration will also include a little song from Miss Piggy...
- Miss Piggy: [irritably clearing throat] Little?
- Kermit the Frog: Little? Did I say little? I meant to say it's a huge, showstopping, major song from Miss Piggy?
- Miss Piggy: [sweetly] That's more like it.
- Kermit the Frog: [talking about the show] It's going to be a swell demonstration, and at no time will we be stooping to any cheap 3D tricks.
- [Fozzie Bear enters]
- Fozzie Bear: Did you say "cheap 3D tricks"?
- Kermit the Frog: Uh...
- [Fozzie blows a party streamer horn in the audience's direction]
- Fozzie Bear: Ah! Oh, oh, and here's something I wanted to *spring* on you!
- [he takes out a peanut can and opens the lid. Spring snakes pop out]
- Sam the Eagle: Upon entering the theater, please move as far to the end of the row as possible. Stopping in the middle is distinctly unpatriotic.