- Reverend Ritz: Remember, the children can't praise the Lord if they've got genitals in their mouths.
- Billy McRighteous: The Bible says 'he who turneth the other cheek, needeth more toilet paper'. Jeremiah Chapter 2, verse 5, Rocky 4.
- Miss Stucco: Your rights stop where Jesus says they do, and Jesus didn't like nudity.
- Mrs. Druple: Well, Jesus must love hemorrhoids because he sure got a lot of assholes behind him.
- Billy McRighteous: The Bible says 'cast ye not stones lest ye be stoned', Luke, Chapter 5, verse 3, Seagrams 7.
- Miss Stucco: This is a religious retreat, which has nothing to do with fun! Do you think Jesus was having fun when he was being nailed on the cross? Do you think Noah had fun when he watched all his neighbors drowning? Do you think Cecil B. DeMille had fun when he parted the Red Sea and sent his crew into golden overtime?
- Ms. Luger: Listen, sister. Nudity didn't work for Adam and Eve and it's not gonna work for you. If God had wanted us to walk around naked he wouldn't have made little animals for us to cut up and make fur coats out of.