- [last lines]
- Murray Ryerson: Vic, about that blonde.
- Victoria "V.I." Warshawski: Murray, have you ever seen what I can do with a nutcracker?
- Ernie: [to V.I. Warshawski, who's trying to get information from him] Now look, lady. This is Chicago: now everybody knows everything, but nobody knows nothin'.
- Vic: What do you know about the sale of Grafalk shipping? Boom-Boom had the deciding vote. So I guess that means now Kat has it, right?
- Paige: I suppose.
- Vic: But if you get custody, why then, you have the deciding vote. Isn't that right?
- Paige: [people mispronouncing her name is a running gag.] I suppose in your line of work, you're used to seeing the darkest side of everything, Miss Wiz-zu-ski.
- Vic: Warshawski.
- Horton: [looking at Warshawski's detective license] You don't look like much of a private detective to me. What is this "V. I." ?
- Vic: Very Inquisitive. I know you had a meeting with Boom-Boom last night.
- Horton: [people mispronouncing her name is a running gag] That's none of your business. I've wasted enough time today already, talking to real detectives. Good-bye, Miss Wuz-husky.
- Vic: [sarcastically] Earl Smeissen, how delightful.
- Smeissen: [people mispronouncing her name is a running gag] Shut up, What-shotsy.
- Vic: [looks at a very tall henchman] Hey, Earl, what, you got some special breeding-program for these mutants?
- Smeissen: [Smeissen slaps her] You always had a big mouth, What-shotsy.
- Vic: Okay, I'll listen. You got something to say, why don't you just round up all the private eyes in Chicago in order to show them how tough you are?
- Smeissen: [he hits her] Don't play the wise-ass with me, What-shotsy.
- Vic: Get to the point, bone-head.
- Smeissen: [indicates a distance of about one inch between his thumb and index finger] Hey, don't push me, What-shotsy, because you're about this close!
- Vic: What's that? Your I.Q., or the size of your dick?