- Detective Ernie Scalus: Now you fucks have gone too far! Goddamn heads landing on cars while Long Island families are singing 'Found a Peanut'! They found a peanut, all right, honey. They found a peanut of death!
- [Tyrone wants a word with Murray]
- Murray Martini: A word with me? How about a word for me? Or better yet, how about a word for you? Let's see, a word for Tyrone Capulet. Boofball. Dickbag. Peon. Freak. Cocksucker. Shithead, ratcatcher, geek. Loser, anus, fruitcake, lunk, fiddlefucker, dweeb, feeb. Cunt. Assfuck; ah, that one's close to the mark. How 'bout guinea, schmuck, or pussyfart?
- Cappy Capulet: You puny crap! You fucks! How'd you like it I use your guts to Jackson Pollack the street?
- Benny Que: We're supposed to be normal people living normal lives. Working nine to five, going to church on Sundays: normal. Maiming, murdering, crippling park animals: abnormal.
- Lemmy: Two households, different as dried plums and pears In fair Manhattan, where we lay our scene.
- Tyrone Capulet: [fighting Tromeo on the street] Get ready to die, motherfucker!
- [attempts to stab Tromeo with a knife, who grabs his wrist just in time]
- Tyrone Capulet: GET READY TO DIIIIIE!
- Tromeo Que: [looks off to the side and sees a car coming down the road with a ladder sticking out the window] Happens to everyone, sooner or... LADDER!
- [Tromeo pushes Tyrone into the street, where the car barrels around a turn and swoops up Tyrone, resulting in his arm, still being held by Tromeo, getting ripped off, a witness shouts "I hope he's left handed!"]
- Tyrone Capulet: [other people are shown reacting with horror and shock at Tyrone's arm getting ripped off as the car careens down the street and narrowly misses colliding with a giant towtruck] Oh maaahh gaaahhd, AAAAAHHHH!
- Tyrone Capulet: [shot of Tyrone still stuck on the ladder, looking at the site of his former arm] Oh my God! Tromey, I'm gonna kill all you fucking bastards!
- [looks at his bleeding stump while hysterically wailing]
- Tromeo Que: [still holding Tyrone's severed arm] UGH!
- [throws it in a random direction, causing it to harmlessly collide with a blind woman crossing the street!]
- Guy Who Says 'You got to work hard to get ahead in life' and Then Looks at the Camera: [cut to a flatbed towtruck with an '84 Oldsmobile coupe on the back being raised into towing position] Brian, you gotta work hard to get ahead in life!
- [the station wagon abruptly screeches to a halt, sending Tyrone flying and severing his head on the end of the flatbed, said severed head is sent flying through the air]
- Guy Who Says 'You got to work hard to get ahead in life' and Then Looks at the Camera: Cry havoc!
- Found a Peanut Father: [driving a different car, singing along with his family] Found a peanut, found a peeaannut! Just now, just now I found a peanut, found a peanut and I cracked it open!
- [severed head lands on the hood]
- Found a Peanut Father: Cracked it-
- [the singing stops as they all look at the head, the parents start hysterically freaking out while the children burst out laughing. The dad, sobbing hysterically, floors the gas while freaking out, leading to a collision with another car where Troma's infamous Kabukiman car flip shot is inserted, complete with the car smashing down onto the pavement]
- Benny Que: [from off-screen] Tromeo! Come on, little cousin, let's get the Hell out of here!
- Tromeo Que: I'm coming, Ben!
- [runs off]
- Found a Peanut Father: [walking away from the car unharmed, still wailing] Oh-hooo my Gooo-ooood!
- [his wife runs from the car, hysterically sobbing as the two kids play a small game of catch with the severed head]
- Found a Peanut Father: Put it down! Put it down!
- [more sobbing is heard as the kids walk away from the car, which spontaneously explodes, much to the parent's horror as the kids cheer excitedly]
- Cappy Capulet: I'm going to kill you and fuck you at the same time!
- Father: No, your grace, I did not know they were topless dancers. Well, they certainly helped raise a lot of money for the church.