Brad Garrett credited as playing...
Robert Barone
- Debra Barone: Ok, you know what? I'm tired of this. I'd rather be normal than this.
- [imitates Marie]
- Debra Barone: Ooh, dear how are you. Frosting in a can, so much easier than homemade. Look in that refrigerator. Whoa, smells like there wasn't anything good in here for a while.
- [imitates Frank]
- Debra Barone: Time for desert. Holy crap. I'm not listening anymore, doo dah, doo dah...
- [imitates Robert]
- Debra Barone: Oh, everything's turning out perfect for Raymond.
- [increasingly frustrated]
- Debra Barone: Oh, lucky Raymond. Everybody loves Raymond. EVERYBODY loves Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES Raymond. EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!
- [everybody laughs]
- Robert Barone: Do me, now.
- [Robert started hanging out with black people]
- Frank Barone: I don't even understand one word you're saying anymore. Yesterday, why the hell did you call me "dog"?
- Robert Barone: It's a good thing. It means I like you.
- Frank Barone: I see. In that case, from this day on I'm calling you "jackass". That's also a sign of affection.
- [Ray comes in]
- Frank Barone: Hey, ugly.
- Ray Barone: What the hell was that for?
- Frank Barone: It's "Robert Talk". It means you're good-looking.
- [to Marie]
- Frank Barone: Hey, good-looking.
- Ray Barone: Ok, Robert, you want to know the advantages of marriage? Fine... There's... Uh... OK! Here! Got it! You know when you fall asleep and you stop breathing? When you're married, there's always somebody there to nudge you back to life... That's not a good example. Ok...
- Robert Barone: Ray...
- Ray Barone: No! I got this! Look, you want to know what marriage is really like? Fine. You wake up- she's there. You come back from work- she's there. You fall asleep- she's there. You eat dinner- she's there. You know? I mean, I know that sounds like a bad thing. But, it's not.
- [touches Debra's shoulder]
- Ray Barone: Not- Not if it's the right person.
- [pause]
- Frank Barone: I'd like a minute for rebuttal.
- Robert Barone: All I wanted was a place where people would care about me.
- Marie Barone: You have that here, you stupid ass!
- Robert Barone: I actually say a prayer that Ray doesn't do so good that day.
- Debra Barone: You say a prayer?
- Robert Barone: Come on, God, get him!
- Frank Barone: I'm sorry the check got stuck to the chubby hubby.
- Marie Barone: Oh Frank. You've never said that to me before.
- Robert Barone: No one's ever said that before.
- Robert Barone: So, Debra's parents are coming over?
- Ray Barone: Yeah, they don't come around much anymore, so we want to spend as much time as possible with them.
- [Robert stares at him, not buying it]
- Ray Barone: I've been told that's how I feel.
- [Ray is bunking with Robert]
- Ray Barone: Could you, er, put a shirt on?
- [gets under the covers]
- Ray Barone: And some underpants?
- Robert Barone: Excuse me! I believe this is MY bed.
- Ray Barone: Yeah, I know. But when you get in bed with a guy, you... put some pants on!
- [series intro]
- Ray Barone: Not every family goes by on a conveyor belt, but mine does, because...
- Robert Barone: Everybody loves Raymond.
- [series intro]
- Ray Barone: Not every family would defy gravity, but mine does, because...
- Robert Barone: [walks by] Everybody loves Raymond.
- Ray Barone: Hey, you didn't go up and away...