- Miss Parker: Why did you save my life?
- Jarod: Because I still remember the little girl who gave me my first kiss.
- Sydney: Good morning, Miss Parker. Broots.
- Broots: Sydney.
- Miss Parker: You're looking... refreshed.
- Sydney: New underpants will do that to you.
- [Miss Parker and Broots look at each other silently]
- Miss Parker: Sydney, you made a funny.
- Sydney: Stole it, I'm afraid. Last night, I went on a date.
- Broots: You had a date!
- Miss Parker: [to Broots] That's when two people actually meet instead of typing to each other on a computer keyboard.
- [to Sydney]
- Miss Parker: So, if it was a date, how can you be sure that those are *your* underpants?
- Miss Parker: You shouldn't underestimate Jarod. And you should never underestimate me. And the next time that you send me into a building that is gonna explode, it had better blow, because if it doesn't it's gonna be your gray matter they will be mopping up with a toothbrush.
- Broots: I, uh, know it's none of my business, Syd, but sometimes Memory Lane can be a dead-end street.
- Broots: I found something bizarre.
- Miss Parker: What, like hair on your head?
- Broots: No, that would be fantasy. This is real.
- Miss Parker: Maybe I should send you to every Y.M.C.A. in the country first. Or lock you in the Bates Motel with Sydney and Broots.
- Jarod: This is about that strip search in Las Vegas, isn't it?
- Sydney: [laughing] Here I am, trying to comfort you.
- Miss Parker: [looking hurt] As if anything you could ever do would give me comfort?
- Sydney: [quickly sobers] It did once.
- Miss Parker: [about borrowing Angelo from Mr Raines] Uncle Fester will never know his Lurch is missing.
- Jarod: [after asking the foreman about the sulfuric chloride] One more question.
- Foreman: Shoot.
- Jarod: Valentine's Day. Specifically cupid.
- Foreman: Yeah.
- Jarod: A corpulent infant, who happens to be an archer, goes around shooting arrows into people and suddenly they're in love?
- Foreman: That's about it.
- Jarod: And to show that they love, people buy each other chocolate and other sweets? Do they want to be fat, like the infant?
- Dr. Jason Earl: Jarod, why don't you tell the group what brought you here?
- Jarod: A large cop with bad breath.
- Sydney: How come you know so much about Greek lore?
- Miss Parker: I did a lot of frat boys in college.
- [Miss Parker's phone rings at 3:44 a.m., waking her up]
- Miss Parker: What?
- Jarod: Oh, I intentially wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless 'what'?
- Miss Parker: [groans and bends over in pain] Oh, no.
- Sydney: Your ulcer? And no medication.
- Miss Parker: Ladies and gentlemen. The fabulous Sherlock Holmes.
- Claire: Jarod, if you ever wanta get together, pick each other's brains, little one-on-one...
- Jarod: Careful Claire, don't cross a line you can't come back from.
- Miss Parker: [Referring to her nicotine patch] The only way this thing is gonna help me is if I roll it and smoke it.
- Sydney: You believe someone stole your mother's body?
- Miss Parker: Except for this Scotch-induced earthquake rattling between my ears, I'm not sure exactly what to believe anymore.
- Broots: Let's face it, Sydney. Catherine Parker's body being gone fits in with all the other bizarre happenings around here. The reappearance of Edna Raines, who, after 30 years, everyone thought was dead...
- Miss Parker: And now who really is dead, thanks to the Bald Butcher she called hubby.
- Miss Parker: Call the hotel and book us some rooms for this shindig.
- [puts unlit cigarette in mouth]
- Broots: Oh, Jarod already did.
- [Miss Parker lights cigarette]
- Broots: They're, uh, non-smoking rooms.
- Miss Parker: [takes drag and smiles] Perfect.
- [exhales smoke]
- Jarod: [about Kyle whose heart was transplanted into a young boy after his death] Good for you, little brother. Good for you.
- Kyle: Ive been angry for so long, so filled with rage and revenge, Ive forgotten what it was like to care about someone.
- Broots: Have you ever gone to church?
- Miss Parker: With all I've seen and done, a church is the last place I should be.
- Broots: Or the first.
- [to Broots' daughter Debbie]
- Miss Parker: These are the house rules: no running, no playing, no feet on the furniture, and no noise, which includes crying and whining. Be invisible and we'll get along just fine.
- Broots: You know the rumor that JFK was kept alive as a vegetable somewhere? Buzzie claims it was right here in SL-18.
- Miss Parker: Yeah, next to the alien corpses Nixon showed Jackie Gleason.
- Broots: That was here too?