Kathy Griffin credited as playing...
- Susan: Maddy, we are all here to talk to you about what's been going on lately.
- Maddy: Okay, what's been going on lately?
- Vicki: Don't play dumb with us you lush, we're here about the booze!
- Luis: Susan, where's your paper punch?
- Susan: Why don't you ask Vicki, she's been helping herself to a lot of my things lately.
- Vicki: Tell the paranoid tall girl I didn't take her paper punch. It threw itself at me.
- Susan: Vicki, have you seen my car keys?
- Vicki: No and you don't need to look in your purse or your jacket either.
- [Susan glares at her]
- Vicki: I needed a mint!
- Susan: [sarcastic] Well I hope you found one.
- Vicki: No, but at least you had enough money to buy some.
- Susan: Guys, I'm having a craving.
- Vicki: You're not having a craving, you're a pig!
- Girl in audience: So, do you need a college degree to work in a magazine?
- Vicki: No, not if you're sleeping with the boss.
- Susan: Excuse me!
- Luis: No, don't excuse it Vicki.
- Jack: Oh, shut up Luis.
- Luis: No, you shut up.
- Jack: You shut up.
- Vicki: [to Jack] You shut up.
- Todd: [to Vicki] You shut up!
- Vicki: [to Todd] I'm on your side!
- Boy in audience: yeah, I'm confused... which one of you is sleeping with the boss?
- Vicki: Fine! I think I can get my own dry cleaning Polly! I don't need your help!
- Luis: Yeah! We're better people 'cause we butter our own bagels.
- Susan: Woah! I think I'm gonna need a coffee so I can deal with that jacket.
- Vicki: Sure. I'll just get your hurtful bitch mug.
- Nate: Vicki, you seem upset, is there something wrong?
- Vicki: Yeah, you! You're cheap, you eat the tops off the muffins, you stink up the place and you're ugly!
- Susan: Wow, apologizing really makes me hungry, can I have some of this bacon?
- Vicki: Sure.
- Susan: Mmm, this is great. Who orders chocolate pudding and bacon?
- Vicki: I ordered the pudding. The bacon was here when I sat down.
- Vicki: Hmm... a whole bagel when you usually scoop out the middle. Coffee, when you normally drink tea. This only adds up to one thing, you're having sex!
- Susan: Hey, I don't need Oliver. There are a lot of gorgeous guys in San Francisco.
- Vicki: Yeah, but they're all dating each other!
- [after Jack try's singing "Jingle Bells" for the Christmas Party at the hospital]
- Vicki: This just in from my ears: "OUCH!"
- Vicki: I'm sorry, I didn't see the sign, "Welcome to Susanville, population: 1 insane bitch!
- Susan: It's career day at my old junior high. You're more than welcome to come.
- Maddy: Mmmmm... No thanks, I already have a career.
- Vicki: Yeah... office hag!
- Maddy: Vicki, I could responds to your childish remark by mentioning that your hair would embarrass a troll doll but I'm not going to sink to your level.
- Vicki: Hag!
- Maddy: Freak!
- Vicki: Skank!
- Maddy: Get a hat!
- Susan: I'm just a little concerned with what seems to be your growing obsession with my Nana.
- Vicki: That's ridiculous! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to run down to Market Street. Helen should be on the number 20 bus and I want to be there to wave as she goes by.
- Susan: Sure, it's all fun and games until somebody needs a restraining order!
