- Jack 'Deuce' Cooper: [to a spider] Hey Charlotte, where's Wilbur?
- [cut to his mom serving up ham]
- Jack 'Deuce' Cooper: Wilbur!Mom, you didn't!
- Stats Jefferson: You play major league?
- Jack 'Deuce' Cooper: No.
- Stats Jefferson: Minor league?
- Jack 'Deuce' Cooper: No.
- Stats Jefferson: Anybody ever see you play?
- Jack 'Deuce' Cooper: My mom.
- Jack 'Deuce' Cooper: [Ed's trying to get in the house pretending to need the bathroom] How dumb do I look? You wanted to play hardball remember? There's a sandbox down there so go pee your socks off, and *quit* banging on the door.
- [closes the door and Ed breaks it down]
- Jack 'Deuce' Cooper: What the?