- Vanessa Lutz: Holy shit! Look who got beaten with the ugly stick! Is that you, Bob? I can't believe such a teeny weeny little gun made such a big mess out of someone! You are so ugly, Bob! And, hey, I heard you have one of those big poop bags that's like attached to where the shit comes out the side, you're just a big old shitbag ain't you, Bob! You just think of me every time you empty that motherfucking thing, motherfucker!
- Woody Wilson: I am claustrophobic.
- Vanessa Lutz: Well, I get claustrophobic suckin' strange dick! Get in there!
- Woody Wilson: Please, I've got to pee!
- Vanessa Lutz: Well, pee in there, motherfucker! I ain't kidding! Now! Dumbass.
- Vanessa Lutz: What are ya'll lookin' at? Fuck all ya'll.
- [to Bob and Mimi]
- Vanessa Lutz: Fuck you, chipmunk face! And your fuckin' skipper wife!
- Vanessa Lutz: You shoulda let me out of the car when I asked you to, Bob. You see what happens when ya got bad manners?
- Vanessa Lutz: [holding a gun to her would-be rapist and killer] This is a crucial question, Bob. Do you believe in the lord Jesus Christ and take him for your personal savior?
- Vanessa Lutz: When a guy does that and hurts someone who never hurt them, that makes him a criminal first and a sick guy second. It's like being sick has to take second place to being crooked. And Bob, you're crooked. You proved that to me tonight.
- [to Rhonda's sexual advances]
- Vanessa Lutz: Alright, I'll make out with you. But no fucking 'cause I'm straight.
- Woody Wilson: Why are you doing this?
- Vanessa Lutz: 'Cause I'm pissed off and the whole world owes me. Give me your goddamn money!
- Cop #3: Why were you so convinced we wouldn't believe you ?
- Vanessa Lutz: 'Cause I've been in the system, and once you've been in it once, ain't no one never gonna believe you again.
- Rhonda: [Mesquita and her friends approach Vanessa] Chola alert.
- Vanessa Lutz: How many?
- Rhonda: There's three but you only gotta worry about one.
- [after getting slashed]
- Guard: You didn't have to kill me!
- Vanessa Lutz: I didn't kill you, you dirty little pervert, now give me your car keys before I cut your pecker off!
- Vanessa Lutz: Well you don't have to worry about him anymore. I took care of him.
- Detective Wallace: Mr. Wolverton is in critical condition, but he's not dead.
- Vanessa Lutz: [smiles] Oh, yeah right. I shot him so many times.
- Vanessa Lutz: Are you the guy who's been killing all them girls on the freeway, Bob?
- [Bob chuckles sadistically]
- Vanessa Lutz: Why are you killing all them girls, Bob?
- Bob Wolverton: 'Cause I have absolutely reached my fucking limit with people like you, Vanessa.
- Vanessa Lutz: What kinda people am I supposed to be?
- Bob Wolverton: The alcoholics, the drug addicts, the fathers who fuck their daughters, the drug addicted motherfucking whores with their bastard fucking offspring.
- Vanessa Lutz: Hey I ain't no trick baby!
- Bob Wolverton: We call them garbage people, and I assure you, you are one of them.
- Rhonda: I don't get how a person could go through their whole lives never being into girls. I just... I love girls.
- Vanessa Lutz: You can keep 'em.
- Vanessa Lutz: He had this disease, called, um, Wisenheimers, I think. You know, where your brain cells run out into your pee.
- Vanessa Lutz: So what you think it's OK do all sorts of bad stuff to me now?
- Bob Wolverton: Well that's an open ended discussion Vanessa dealing with deep philosophical ramifications, something you can hardly grasp. In fact take it from me, a professional, Vanessa, you're an absolute fucking moron!
- Vanessa Lutz: What, you really feel sorry for them people? You think normal people just wake up one morning and decide they're going to work in a prison? They're perverts, every last one of them.
- Bob Wolverton: [abuses Vanessa] Put your fucking pants down, you *fucking cunt*!
- Vanessa Lutz: What did you call me?
- Vanessa Lutz: [imitating Bob]
- Vanessa Lutz: [from DVD subtitles] My dick may not function, but I have not lost my smile!
- Vanessa Lutz: [from TV closed-captions] My neck may not function, but I have not lost my smile!
- Mesquita: You will think I'm sound all feminist and shit. It's like, the one thing I learned in jail is that girls gotta help out other girls, you know? Especially con girls, because if they don't, they ought to be fucking dead.
- Vanessa Lutz: You know, don't it bother you your own wife bringin' off all them strange guys for money?
- Larry: I make her use mouthwash after.
- Vanessa Lutz: You like that minty-fresh taste, huh, Larry?
- Larry: Vanessa Lutz, I'm getting ready to take a seriously big shit right on top of that pointy little head of yours!