Starlight

I paid money to watch this thing when it came out. I used to walk in and buy a ticket for the next movie, whatever it was. I did not walk out of Battlefield Earth or any other movie I paid for except this one.

I finally caught up to "Starlight" last night on television and all I can say is. . . wow! It's hard to know where to begin -- the incredibly hokey special effects (check out the laser beams shooting out of Willie's eyes!), the atrocious acting, the ponderous dialogue, the mismatched use of stock footage, or the air of earnest pretentiousness that infuses the entire production. This truly is a one-of-a-kind experience, and we should all be thankful for that. I nominate Jonathon Kay as the true heir to Ed Wood!

It would appear that the major portion of the budget for this turkey went up somebody's nose.

The special effects amount to nothing better than a Radio Shack laser pointer bounced off a toaster. The flying saucer might just be a Home Depot plumb bob in drag. For 1996 they look pretty lame.

Nevermind that, Jonathon Kay appears to have a penchant for taking talented people and wasting their abilities with drivel. He must be really good at the pitch. He just doesn't follow through with the material.

I'm sure the movie works on some level, I just don't know anyone who can afford to get that high.

I shudder to think what people must have thought of environmentalists after viewing this piece of overbearing, preachy cinematic trash. Larded with enough Indian-wannabe nuttery and space brother buffoonery to stock a new-age shop, Starlight makes anyone who gives a damn about the planet look like a feather-wearing crystal-fondling idiot.

The plot? Alien Rae Dawn Chong arrives to guide a flute playing underwear model in a mystical quest to avert Earth's impending environmental collapse. But first they must defeat an evil alien who looks nothing so much like a refugee from a Castro street bar. Fortunately, they've got mystical grandpa Willie Nelson along to help (who looks faintly embarrassed by the proceedings, as well he ought to be) along with buckets of cheap F/X and reams of pointlessly swelling music.

Sure, the clunky script helps to obscure the film's trite plot and staggering pace, but that's just the tip of this melting movie iceberg. Everyone concerned with this film should have their union cards revoked until they complete a real course in environmental science.

This has an interesting, albeit somewhat fanciful sci-fi plot, but it's wasted with poor direction and shlocky special effects. Rae Dawn Chong is appealing, despite the lack of a believable story and direction consistent with her talent.