Anaconda

Let me tell you about a little film called Anaconda.

I watched this film a dozen times as a kid, I loved monster flicks. Anaconda was bad, it was utterly bad, yet I've seen it more times than I want to admit. Now we visit it again, years later, so we can laugh at how ridiculous this film is.

We open with Danny Trejo, for some reason they dubbed his lines. He doesn't speak English, but the voice the use is so much higher than what we all know to be the gravel voice of Trejo. Just something that I found funny.

The monster effects are laughably bad at times and worse at others. When the snake is animatronic, the obviousness of it all makes it seems like a bad ride at universal. Then we have the CGI effects, which make the snake seem like it doesn't even belong on the screen. The first attack on a human, the entire thing looks like one giant blur. The first time we see the snake in general isn't with some Jaws like reveal, it's simply the thing slithering around in the jungle before it attacks a puma. No big reveal, no slow reveal...just the damn snake out in the open.

In Ebert's review of the film, which is enthusiastically gave a thumbs up, he claims Jon Voight delivers a brave and slimy performance. That I can agree with, but I wouldn't necessarily call it a great performance. It's without a doubt, memorable, but in the campy way. He glares at almost everyone on the screen, his skin is slimy like a snake and immediately untrustworthy. No one else seems to think they are in a bad movie here. Voight seems to know this from the get go. Watch this film and then watch The Room and tell me the performances from them are not almost identical. Is he doing DeNiro? Is he doing Brando? Who the hell knows. It's one wacky performance, that much is a guarantee.

This was one of the early Jennifer Lopez films that probably helped launch her career. Why? I don't know, she doesn't offer anything interesting here. Ice Cube and Owen Wilson play against their usual type, I don't think we've seen either of them in a monster flick since this one,

Suffice to say, Anaconda is a bad film that boarders on being highly enjoyable. Sit back, laugh and enjoy the absurdity of Anaconda. If you take this film seriously...at all, even for one second, then you will utterly hate it.

I read a lot of the review on this 23 year old flick. It's not as bad as people are saying. It is a well made finely acted unbelievable adventure flick. Anyone that expected this to be an Oscar award winning movie are delusional. I mean really, it's Jay Lo, Ice Cube , Voight, and Owen. It's mindless entertainment and nothing else. Enjoy.

A guilty pleasure that's still fun & amusing, Anaconda was one of those famous B-movies that used to air a lot on TV when I was a kid and whenever I caught a glimpse of it while switching channels, I'd usually end up staying till the end. Creature feature was my go-to genre while growing up and this, along with Jurassic Park & Godzilla, were amongst my favorites.

Looking back today, it is difficult to ignore the multitudes of issues that plague this flick but back then, things like direction, screenplay, acting, plot structure, character arcs or themes etc didn't mean a thing to me. The only stuff that mattered was whether I'll be entertained or not. It was the only factor that decided the fate of any movie in my book. And in many ways, it still does.

Set in the Amazon jungles, the story of Anaconda follows a documentary film crew that comes across a stranded snake hunter and allow him to get on board. The atmosphere changes soon as the crew finds itself uncomfortable around the new guy who, after a series of tragedies, takes command of the boat & the crew and makes them help him in his quest to capture the world's largest & deadliest snake.

Directed by Luis Llosa, the first act is dull and it is only after the titular serpent surfaces that things get interesting. The script serves the bare serviceable minimum for a horror flick, dialogues are corny, characters are bland but its skillful camera-work & clever angles, in addition to its isolated setting, help in retaining an aura of suspense and is effective in bits n pieces.

The visual effects appear dated but it's still impressive in a few places. Everything about the anaconda is exaggerated to ridiculous proportions yet it adds to the fun & its campy tone. The film features a number of people who later went on to make a name for themselves in the Hollywood industry but it's Jon Voight who steals the show with his crazy, sinister & over-the-top rendition of the snake hunter.

On an overall scale, Anaconda exhibits all the ingredients that are responsible for bringing a film down yet it manages to stay afloat for the majority of its runtime. There are a few hiccups along the way but the ride is enjoyable for the most part and in the end, it is more satisfying & entertaining than other similar examples. An adventure that's not devoid of thrills & a horror that packs some good chills, Anaconda is well-deserving of its cult status. Worth a shot.

This underrated monster movie came out around the same time as THE RELIC and both films got poor reviews. I happened to see this at the cinema back in '97 and I remember being distinctly underwhelmed by the film. After catching it on television again last night, my opinion has radically changed. While it may be a cheesy film with bad acting and poor special effects, the makers of this film obviously have an affection for B movies and, as one reviewer on the IMDb noted, there is definitely an old-fashioned feel to it, it's a bit like a '50s giant monster movie updated to the present day. On retrospect, I enjoyed this far more than the disappointing and hugely generic film that was THE RELIC, and after watching many of the recent so-called "horror" films on release, I've come to appreciate this for what it is : a fun, shallow and fast-paced little film that delivers the goods on the gore front.

While it's not a particularly bloody film, many of the deaths by snake are gooey and gruesome in the extreme. We watch the victims as they get slowly crushed and their bones break out, and then watch as their blubbery bodies are digested by the snake. In the film's big moment, Jon Voight is eaten, only to be regurgitated as a half-eaten mess moments later. Just when you thought it couldn't get any better, his corpse winks! The plot is a typically contrived and generic one, but as I mentioned it's fast paced so you don't have time to dwell on the holes. The acting is pretty bad, but again that's typical for a film of this variety - what's not typical is that most of the actors here are famous, or have become famous since.

Jennifer Lopez takes the lead and frankly I can't see what all the fuss is about, to me she's unattractive and a bad actress to boot. Joining her are Eric Stoltz in a nothing role, and he spends most of the film in a coma after eating a deadly wasp (strangely, though, he doesn't die!). Ice Cube is the likable, gruff and unlikely hero, a feat he pulled off again in '99s THREE KINGS. Jonathan Hyde plays an Englishman in a role that borders on the offensively stereotypical - if we British aren't depicted as bad guys, then must we all have stupid accents and be figures of ridicule with our silly "stiff upper lip" type characters? Bad acting awards go to Jon Voight for his supremely hammy portrayal of the film's villain, a lip-curling, eye-winking performance which I found to be hilarious - he's great, having a laugh, and miles away from the boringly serious characters he played in films like Deliverance. A pre-stardom Owen Wilson is pretty bland, and Kari Wuhrer is all glamour and no intelligence. Eagle-eyed viewers may spot FROM DUSK TILL DAWN's vampire bartender Danny Trejo as a snake victim whose suicide kicks the film off.

Now, for the special effects, which are a mixture of CGI and animatronics. The animatronics are great, and very lifelike. The CGI is not so, but at least it looks pretty as we watch the snake swirl through the air and stuff. I've seen a lot worse in more recent films, and at least you can see the effort that's gone into this creation to try and make it look as spectacular as possible. Speaking of spectacular, there is the requisite explosive finale which manages to be quite exciting as things go. ANACONDA is, to me, a welcome monster movie from a time when most horror films were slashers squarely aimed at a teenage audience. Thankfully, this film has no teenagers and no masked killers. That, the fun monster and the change of location (an authentic-looking Amazon jungle) make this one to watch again and again for me.

If you want to watch a movie on a blazing, hot evening and have no options (and missed this one back in the day), then this is going to entertain you. Action? Yes. Fun? Yes. Acting? Oh hell yes! Just pay attention to Jon Voight and his over-the-top performance and prepare to be amazed. On top of that, one thing to consider: the writing for J-Lo's character, her lines, are totally out there making her sound useless and fragile, helpless side-hero for at least 45 minutes. Luckily this will change slightly towards the 2nd half, but...really, Mr Writer? Good thing that the anaconda steals the show. Finally, the overall rating here is unfair. This should be around 6.5 and is a much better monster-munch film than many others in the 00's and 10's...8/10, pure fun.