- Dr. Diana Reddin: What do you mean, what am I doing here? It's my baby, not yours!
- Larry: Hey. I put it in there.
- Dr. Diana Reddin: It's MY EGG!
- Larry: Yeah, just 'cause your egg's in some guy doesn't make you the mother!
- Dr. Diana Reddin: Do you have your own room?
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Yes. Why?
- Dr. Diana Reddin: Well, call me old-fashioned, but I'll be damned if I'm having a child with a man I've never even slept with.
- [Dr. Reddin has found out Alex is carrying her baby]
- Dr. Diana Reddin: Why should I be upset! You lie to me. You... STEAL from me. You engage in a utterly selfish, IMMORAL, arrogant stunt without any regard for my feelings whatsoever. What am I supposed to be, grateful? This is just SO MALE!
- Dr. Alex Hesse: I've noticed that the side effects of pregnancy are greatly amplified... With the dosage of Expectane that l've required. The morning sickness, the mood swings. Sleepiness, sexual appetite.
- Larry: Sexual appetite?
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Yesterday, just scooping the middle out of a honeydew melon gave me a - A "Steifen".
- Larry: A what? Oh. That's normal. I get 'em all the time.
- [Dr. Hesse has to explain why he looks so 'masculine' at a pregnant women's retreat]
- Dr. Alex Hesse: When I was a sportswoman on the East German Olympic Track and Field team, they dispensed anabolic steroids as freely as here in America they dole out Gator-Ade.
- Larry: They pushed it on them, you know.
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Nothing was explained about the side affects which have become so obvious and painfully apparent,
- [tearfully]
- Dr. Alex Hesse: but I am *all woman*.
- Larry: Believe you me.
- Larry: You think you're the first clown whoever woke up and said "I'm bored, I think I'll have a kid!"
- Larry: Typical. I can't tell you how many times I've heard pregnant women complain: "I just wish a man could go through this." You finally do it, and what do you get? Attitude and insults.
- Dr. Alex Hesse: No kidding.
- Larry: Tell me about it.
- Dr. Diana Reddin: [at Jake and Junior's first birthday party, Diana is heavily pregnant] I might need to pee again.
- Angela: I don't miss that part.
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Me neither.
- Dr. Diana Reddin: You should have another one, Angela. Jake could use a little brother or a sister.
- Angela: I'd like to. But I don't think I could go through all of that again.
- Dr. Alex Hesse: It doesn't necessarily *have* to be you.
- [they all look at each other, then at Larry]
- Larry: Oh, no! NO! NO! NO!
- [Larry flees, they all pursue him]
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Larry, it's the most wonderful experience...... .
- [fade to end credits]
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Men what?
- Dr. Diana Reddin: They're pathetic when it comes to pain. You should try being a woman sometime. It's a nightmare. Your body goes peculiar with your period and doesn't stop until menopause. It's a lifetime of leaking and swelling and spotting and smears. Crippling cramps, raging hormones, yeasts! And that's if everything's normal.
- Angela: I'm happy. I love being pregnant. It's just that I'm not 21 anymore. I'm single. It's a little bit scary.
- Dr. Alex Hesse: Tell me about it.
- Dr. Diana Reddin: [to Dr. Alex Hesse about his male pregnancy] You think men don't hold enough cards? You have to take *this* away from us as well? It's... it's *PITIFUL!*
- Dr. Alex Hesse: If I carry this baby to term it will be a miracle. I would love, protect and nurture that miracle with everything I have in me.
- Larry: Stop it!
- Dr. Alex Hesse: No I don't *stop it!* I want my *BABY!*
- [they stop talking when they realize they are in the waiting room surrounded by pregnant women]