Major League II (1994)

Eric Bruskotter: Rube Baker

Quotes 

• Rube Baker : They're going to send me back to Omaha and I don't even live there!

• Willie Mays Hayes : [sees that Rube's injured]  Lucky son-of-a-gun. At least you ain't gotta hang around to play the second game, right?

  [walks away] 

  Rube Baker : Hey, Willie. Willie! I can't believe you said that. Shit! I talked to a boy in the bleachers the other day who hails from downtown. He told me the most grass he's ever seen in his whole life is the patch that we get to play on every day.

  [to the team] 

  Rube Baker : We're in the goldarn major leagues, boys. I don't know about any of you, but I've been waiting my whole life to get here. And I'll be damned if I'm gonna act like my best pig died just cuz we ain't doin' so good. I love to play baseball and I'll bet, somewhere along the line, you all did too.

  [turns to Jake] 

  Rube Baker : I'm ready to play ball if you need me. My Dad figured I wouldn't amount to much except... well, I never came up with anything, but I know I can play ball a little. And a day of playin' ball is better than what most people have to do for a living. So just put me in someplace.

• [Jake sighs in relief after opening his locker to find no red tag] 

  Jake Taylor : Yes, one more year.

  [Jake turns and finds Rube trying to look through the slots in his locker without opening it] 

  Jake Taylor : Rube, what are you doing?

  Rube Baker : If there's a red tag in my locker, that's means I'm out of here, right?

  Jake Taylor : Yep. It's a long season ahead, and you're still young.

  Rube Baker : Well, my mom always said it's better to eat shit than not eat at all.

  Jake Taylor : Just think of the opportunity you'll get to play in the Minor Leagues every day.

  [while Jake was talking, Rube quickly opens his locker and sees no red tag] 

  Rube Baker : I made the team!

  [Rube hugs Jake] 

  Rube Baker : I made the team! We did it! Hey, Pedro, guess what, man? I'm on the rooster!

• Rube Baker : Women: you can't live with them, and they can't pee standing up.

• Jake Taylor : Rube, you look at "Playboy" all the time, don't you?

  Rube Baker : I don't just look at it. I read the articles.

  Jake Taylor : Sure you do.

  Rube Baker : I do. I especially like it when they mention the girls' interests, like "Betsy loves surfing".

  Jake Taylor : You even memorize them?

  Rube Baker : Yep. I guess I do.

  Jake Taylor : Bingo.

• Rube Baker : Wow, Willie's really got some power.

  Lou Brown : Off a guy who'll be bagging groceries in a couple of weeks!

• [Jake and Rube are discussing Rube's problems as a catcher] 

  Jake Taylor : What exactly is your problem?

  Rube Baker : Well, uh...

  [a limo's horn sounds and the limo pulls up] 

  Rube Baker : Well, uh... hell that's the biggest damn car I ever saw.

  Willie Mays Hayes : [an 11-person entourage gets out of the car, followed by Willie]  Say Jake! Oh-hooo! Ha-ha!

  Rube Baker : Who are they?

  Jake Taylor : [stunned]  "They" are our centerfielder.

• Rube Baker : Mr. Parkman, you're a great ballplayer and I just like to say, your standing on the tracks and the train's coming through, butthead.

• Rube Baker : Hey. Ya know, Ricky, breaking up with a girlfriend can be a very painful thing. But it don't have to keep ya down for long. I mean, let me tell ya something from my own personal experience. I've never had a regular girlfriend like you, but I did get kicked in the balls once by a mule. Now, I thought I would be hurting for the rest of my life. But you know what happened the very next week?

  Rick Vaughn : What?

  Rube Baker : My momma died. Hell, after that, I didn't care no more about my balls hurtin'. You see what I'm gettin' at?

• [Willie is in his first at-bat and points his bat to the left field fence] 

  Harry Doyle : And look at this. Willie Mays Hayes is calling his shot.

  Johnny : All right, Willie! Right here!

  Rube Baker : What's he pointing at? Does he know somebody out there!

  Harry Doyle : Hayes steps in and gets his pitch. There's a swing and it's going toward left. And it is...

  [Willie hits the ball and the left fielder catches it at the warning track] 

  Harry Doyle : Not quite gone.

  Willie Mays Hayes : That had to be the wind.

  Johnny : It must have been the wind.

• Jake Taylor : Rube, what's going through your head just before you throw the ball back to the pitcher?

  Rube Baker : I'm thinking, "Damn, I don't want to screw this up."

  Jake Taylor : Well, what are you thinking when you throw a strike to nail the runner down at second base?

  Rube Baker : Well, I, I'm not thinking nothing. I just throw it.

  Jake Taylor : You see what I'm getting at?

  Rube Baker : You want the pitcher to pitch from second base?

  Jake Taylor : [frustrated, blank look]  Oooogh.

• Rube Baker : [when Parkman is up to bat, facing Vaughn]  Mr. Parkman, you're a good ball player, but I want to say, that you're standing on the tracks and the train's about to come through, bonehead.

• Rube Baker : When the tough get goin', go an' get tough.