Rob Schneider credited as playing...
Fergie
- Judge Dredd: Fergie, cover the rear!
- Fergie: But I've never fired a gun in my life!
- Judge Dredd: What the hell kind of criminal are you?
- Fergie: A *nice* criminal!
- Judge Dredd: [pulling Fergie, by the mouth, out of the service robot he's been hiding in and slamming him against a wall] Mega City code 7592: Willful sabotage of a public droid. That's 6 months, citizen. Let's see your Unicard.
- Fergie: [nonchantly] Come on, give me a break, Judge, uh,
- [looks at Dredd's badge]
- Fergie: Dredd. *Dredd*?
- [Dredd gives a low growling Mhmm]
- Fergie: God!
- [shrinks back into a structure]
- Judge Hershey: [scanning Fergie's Unicard] Ferguson, Herman. Hacker. Illegal tampering with city droids, computers, cash machines, taxi robots...
- Judge Dredd: And you haven't even been out of jail for 24 hours. He's habitual, Hershey. Automatic 5 year sentence. How do you plead?
- Fergie: [nervously] Not guilty?
- Judge Dredd: [leans in closer] I knew you'd say that.
- Fergie: [stunned] 5 years? No! No! I had no choice! They were killing each other in there!
- Judge Dredd: [dismissive] You could have gone out the window.
- Fergie: [aghast] 40 floors? It would have been suicide!
- Judge Dredd: [bluntly] Maybe, but it's legal.
- [nods to others]
- Judge Dredd: Judges
- [they respond yes sir]
- Judge Dredd: Five Years Aspen Penitentiary...
- [abruptly]
- Judge Dredd: Case closed... Take Him Away
- Fergie: [to Hershey in disbelief] What?
- [gets seized by the other judges]
- Fergie: Don't Close The Case
- [protesting as he squirms]
- Fergie: You're Misjudging Me
- [struggles in vain]
- Fergie: You're *Misjudging* ME
- [being dragged away looks back at Hershey]
- Fergie: You're Not Going To Sleep Tonight
- [Hershey observers him regretfully]
- [Dredd and Fergie are about to run down an incinerator vent which blasts flames every 30 seconds]
- Judge Dredd: Right, you ready, kid?
- Fergie: No!
- Judge Dredd: Now what's wrong?
- Fergie: What's wrong? Are you kidding? Did wearing that helmet all those years compress your brain? You're going to get me killed!
- Judge Dredd: There's a maniac loose in the city!
- Fergie: What a coincidence, there's one out here too!
- Fergie: What are you doing here?
- Judge Dredd: I was convicted of a crime. Wrongly convicted.
- Fergie: [laughs] Really? That's kinda weird! What are the odds? Two wrongly convicted guys sitting right next to each other?
- Judge Dredd: You received the sentence the law required.
- Fergie: Five years, just for saving my own ass? That was a mistake!
- Judge Dredd: The law doesn't make mistakes.
- Fergie: Really? Then how do you explain what happened to you? You can't, can you? Great. Mister
- [mimics Dredd's voice]
- Fergie: "I am the law" can't. So maybe this is some kind of typo. Maybe it's a glitch. Or maybe it's poetic justice!
- Fergie: [outside the city walls] Dredd, there's no way in. Are you even listening to me? We can't just knock on the wall and say "Hello, Cursed Earth pizza".
- Judge Dredd: There is a way in. Six years ago, two refugees figured it out. The vent to the city's incinerator, there's a burst twice a minute. That means somebody could run through that tube and have 30 seconds before it flames again.
- Fergie: And these refugees, they made it through, right?
- Judge Dredd: Actually, they were roasted. But the theory's sound. Shall we?
- [he walks away]
- Fergie: Maybe we should consider other theories? Dredd?
- [Dredd and Fergie escape from the Hall of Justice on a faulty Lawmaster flying motorbike. They plummet hundreds of feet but the malfunctioning bike comes to life just before they're about to hit the ground and they manage to fly away]
- Fergie: Dredd, you may want to wash this seat after we get off the bike.
- [Dredd glares at him in disgust and grumbles EWW]
- Fergie: Sorry.
- Judge Dredd: The legendary Angel family. Cursed Earth pirates, murderers, scavengers, and of course, scumbags.
- Fergie: Oh, that'll win 'em over.
- Judge Dredd: [to Pa Angel] Did I leave something out, Pa?
- Fergie: Hallelujah, brother!
- Pa Angel: Wait a minute. Can it be? Can it be that from the city of the fallen we have one of the faithful?
- Fergie: Amen, brother! Praise the Lord! I'm a believer!
- Judge Dredd: Fergie, don't do it!
- Pa Angel: It sounds like we have a believer in the gallery. Cut him down.
- [Fergie's arms are released from the ropes that have been holding him above the ground]
- Judge Dredd: Fergie, you're making a big mistake.
- Fergie: Well, Dredd, maybe the law doesn't make mistakes, but I'm free and you're toast!
- Judge Dredd: Actually, you're toast. I forgot to mention it. Your new friends, they're cannibals.
- Pa Angel: Fresh meat. Prepare the supplicant for sacrifice.
- Fergie: No, wait. You can't eat me! I've got eczema! I've got warts! I've had gonorrhoea! Eat Dredd, he works out!
- Fergie: We're a team. Granted, you do most of the work, but we're still a team.
- Judge Dredd: I'll handle it, kid.
- Fergie: I bring you luck.
- Judge Dredd: Luck?
- Judge Hershey: You are still alive, Dredd.
- Judge Dredd: Hmm.
- [Dredd and Fergie are about to run down an incinerator vent, which blasts fire every 30 seconds]
- Fergie: Great time l'm having. The shuttle crash, Cursed Earth, cannibals, and now a fireball up my ass! This is all your fault!
- Judge Dredd: My fault?
- Fergie: Yes!
- Judge Dredd: You care to explain that, citizen?
- Fergie: If you hadn't arrested me, I wouldn't be here in the first place. Hey, Dredd, what don't you just kill me now?
- [they pin themselves against the wall as the vent releases another burst of fire]
- Fergie: That's it! I'm through schlepping. I'm gonna stay here until I'm caught or until you apologize!
- Judge Dredd: The law can't apologize!
- Fergie: That's just it, you're not the law anymore. Now apologize. I think I deserve that.
- Judge Dredd: [humbly] I've never apologized...
- [another burst of fire from the vent]
- Judge Dredd: NOW RUN!