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Eric Morecambe and Ernie Wise in Night Train to Murder (1984)

Quotes

Night Train to Murder

Edit
  • Ernie: Where is the Scottish Border?.
  • Eric: In bed with the landlady!
  • [there is an anguished cry from behind the wall]
  • Ernie: [walking towards the wall] It came from behind this new painting.
  • Eric: How do you know it's a new painting?
  • Ernie: [showing Eric the red 'paint'] The paint's still wet.
  • Ernie: You're so smart.
  • Eric: [stops and looks Ernie in the eye] How could you say that? You met my first partner, didn't you?
  • Ernie: [tapping Eric on the shoulder] I thought you didn't fool around with women?
  • Eric: No, what I said was, when it comes to women, I don't fool around!
  • Eric: How many clothing coupons did that cost?
  • Kathy: [trying not to laugh at Eric's wig] No, it's Zelda's, she let me have it.
  • Eric: I wish she'd let me have it!
  • [Milton decides to step outside for a breath of fresh air]
  • Mackay: Be careful, remember what the guard said, there's a lunatic out there.
  • Cousin Milton: [looking at Eric and Ernie] There's two in here. I'll take my chances!
  • Ernie: How do I look?
  • Eric: He He, were there any other survivors?
  • Eric: Can anyone here play?
  • Cousin Zelda: I can.
  • Eric: We realise that, but I was talking about the piano!
  • [Milton whispers something to Eric, then Ernie whispers something else to Eric]
  • Eric: [to Milton] Say that again!
  • [Milton repeats his remark, while Ernie plays a short tune on the piano]
  • Eric: [to Ernie] You're right, it does sound better to music!
  • [as they leave, Eric points to the novel in Ernie's hand]
  • Eric: How does it end? It's been right so far!
  • Ernie: Well, it's completely wrong now - it says the villain gets away scot free!
  • [hands book to Eric]
  • [the novel reveals that the villian gets away]
  • Eric: I don't know why you waste your money!
  • [throws the book away]
  • Eric: Come on!
  • Eric: [nodding towards Rivers] I'd like to have met him when he was alive!
  • Rivers: It's said that Bonnie Prince Charlie slept in that bed.
  • Eric: By the look of it, so did his horse!
  • Ernie: That Zelda, did she ever kiss you?
  • Eric: No, but she steamed my glasses up a couple of times!
  • Eric: [Indicating a shaken Kathy] What have you been up to with her?
  • Train Guard: It's more a case of what she's ben up to with him!
  • [Indicates Uncle Felix's corpse, which is hanging from a coat hook on the wall]
  • Eric: [after Zelda laughs at Eric's wig] you mustn't laugh
  • [points to Kathy's dress]
  • Eric: that's a very pretty dress!

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