Mario Yedidia: Marshall

Under Wraps

Marshall

Marshall: Gilbert, it's a horror movie; what do you think happens? Horrible things!
Gilbert: All right, I guess I juust don't like horror movies, I like nice happy movies, like "The Sound of Music".
Marshall: You have got to be kidding.
Gilbert: No it's great, there's singing and dancing, and Nazis. Well, the Nazis don't sing and dance, which would be great if they did. Anyway, Liesel, she's the oldest daughter... what a babe! Even when she's wearing those play clothes made from the curtains...
Gilbert: Gilbert, you're starting to sound weird now!
Marshall: Oh. OK.

Marshall: Have you ever SEEN a dead person?
Amy: Oh, yeah, I've got 'em lying around my basement in huge stacks. You know, you should come over some time; we use 'em to build big forts.

Gilbert: Wait a minute! If your mom's got the key, then how come we had to break into the basement?
Amy: What fun is it to use a key?
Marshall: Exactly.

Todd: Hey, Amy.
Amy: I'm busy, Todd.
Todd: Well, I know, but I was just.
Amy: Uh Todd.
Todd: Well I only. I was just wonder.
Amy: Don't make me hurt you, Todd!
Todd: Oh. OK. Sorry.
Amy: He's got a big crush on me, but it's definitely not going to happen.
Marshall: Why not?
Amy: He saw that Olsen twins movie twice. I mean, how can you respect a guy like thtat?
Marshall: I see your point.

Marshall: I'm going to keep him.
Amy: You can't keep him.
Marshall: Well, we can't turn him in. They'll take him somewhere and experiment on him.
Gilbert: What do you mean, experiment?
Marshall: Cut him open, dissect him, pack him in formaldehyde.
Gilbert: They will?
Marshall: Of course, didn't you see "E.T."?

Amy: He's dead.
Marshall: Who?
Amy: Mr. Kubat.
Marshall: We just saw him last Saturday!
Amy: You want your peaches?
Marshall: When did he die?
Amy: A couple days ago. The meter man was reading his water meter and saw him through the window, sprawled out on the floor, covered in pancake batter.
Gilbert: Poor guy, killed by pancake batter.
Amy: Hello? He had a heart attack moron, he just happened to be making pancakes at the time.
Gilbert: Still, what a way to go. One minute you're making yourself a hearty, nutritious breakfast and then bingo, lights out.
Amy: Hey, he was old, organs fail, these things happen. What about you? Are you eating your peaches?
Marshall: Here, eat all the peaches! I don't know how you can stand these things anyway, they're as hard as bricks.
Amy: You just suck on them a while and they're okay.

Marshall: [to Harold] Most of my friends' parents are either divorced or they hate each other.