Adam Wylie: Gilbert

Under Wraps

Gilbert

Gilbert: My mom collects antique dolls. That's perfectly normal. A lot of people collect dolls.
Amy: Yeah, a lot of insane people.
Gilbert: My mom's not insame.
Amy: She takes her dolls to the movies.
Gilbert: So? There's nothing wrong with that.
Amy: She buys them popcorn.
Gilbert: Once! She did that once!

Amy: Get out of the way, Leonard. And take your blanket with you.
Leonard: It's not a blanket, it's a rag! I carry it around in case I have to wipe up something.
Amy: Oh, yeah, right, and I'm not wearing a bra, I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.
Gilbert: You're wearing a bra?
Amy: Oh, shut up.

Marshall: Gilbert, it's a horror movie; what do you think happens? Horrible things!
Gilbert: All right, I guess I juust don't like horror movies, I like nice happy movies, like "The Sound of Music".
Marshall: You have got to be kidding.
Gilbert: No it's great, there's singing and dancing, and Nazis. Well, the Nazis don't sing and dance, which would be great if they did. Anyway, Liesel, she's the oldest daughter... what a babe! Even when she's wearing those play clothes made from the curtains...
Gilbert: Gilbert, you're starting to sound weird now!
Marshall: Oh. OK.

Gilbert: Wait a minute! If your mom's got the key, then how come we had to break into the basement?
Amy: What fun is it to use a key?
Marshall: Exactly.

Marshall: I'm going to keep him.
Amy: You can't keep him.
Marshall: Well, we can't turn him in. They'll take him somewhere and experiment on him.
Gilbert: What do you mean, experiment?
Marshall: Cut him open, dissect him, pack him in formaldehyde.
Gilbert: They will?
Marshall: Of course, didn't you see "E.T."?

Amy: He's dead.
Marshall: Who?
Amy: Mr. Kubat.
Marshall: We just saw him last Saturday!
Amy: You want your peaches?
Marshall: When did he die?
Amy: A couple days ago. The meter man was reading his water meter and saw him through the window, sprawled out on the floor, covered in pancake batter.
Gilbert: Poor guy, killed by pancake batter.
Amy: Hello? He had a heart attack moron, he just happened to be making pancakes at the time.
Gilbert: Still, what a way to go. One minute you're making yourself a hearty, nutritious breakfast and then bingo, lights out.
Amy: Hey, he was old, organs fail, these things happen. What about you? Are you eating your peaches?
Marshall: Here, eat all the peaches! I don't know how you can stand these things anyway, they're as hard as bricks.
Amy: You just suck on them a while and they're okay.

Gilbert: [the kids hear the Mummy urinating in the next room] Wow, he had to go!