- Milo Kamalani: With the exception of sporting events and bachelor parties, we basically bottle up our feelings until we die.
- Nicky Little: I have been trying to play the Realto since I was pre-natal! Now Pepper Ann learns one stupid little ditty and they're begging her to play there?
- Pepper Ann Pearson: Where did you get that hat? 'Cause that is definitely the hat of a champion!
- Milo Kamalani: I found it in the garbage.
- Pepper Ann Pearson: And I waste my time shopping.
- Pepper Ann: Well, if you won't stand up for our soccer program, then I'm left with no other choice but to...
- Principal Hickey: Cross stitch? Throw horseshoes? Jump up, jump up and get down?
- [Lydia has quit her job]
- Margaret Rose 'Moose' Pearson: Are we going to starve?
- Lydia Pearson: Oh of course not sweetie.
- Margaret Rose 'Moose' Pearson: I can grow beans.
- Grandman Pearson: What does that girl know from talent? Now Lydia here, she had talent. She could do a sea cow impression so good, I swear you'd wanna set her free in the ocean. Now that's talent.
- Stewart: And THAT'S why people call him Spoonie Joe!
- Pepper Ann Pearson: Hey, Trinket! Remember when we were in the 3rd grade and I asked you for gum and you said, "Sure," and I said, "Thanks!"
- Toy Swan: Swanie wants to plaaaaaay.
- Pepper Ann Pearson: [Milo is going from house to house on Thanksgiving] I refuse to be a part of your hobo holiday!
- Milo Kamalani: [after seeing Craig, who has just shaved his head] I've been struck blind by the horrific sight of him.
- Operator: We're sorry, but the phone you are currently using is a mirage. Please hang up and try again later... on a real phone.