Craig Cash credited as playing...
Dave Best
- Norma Speakman: Would you like a sandwich, love?
- Dave Best: No thanks, Nana.
- Norma Speakman: There's no Picalilly left in this jar.
- Jim Royle: You're joking. Do you think we can continue with the celebrations in the face of that revelation?
- Norma Speakman: Where's your best man, Barry, innit?
- Dave Best: No, Gary. He's got to work, he can't get the morning off, he's coming straight from the butcher's.
- Jim Royle: It's all we want, innit, the church stinking of bloody mince.
- Twiggy: Ey, you know what'll happen, don't ya, he'll put his hand in his pocket for the ring and pull out a pork chop.
- Norma Speakman: [after Dave agrees to take her home] Oh, you're a good'n. I'll leave you something nice in my will.
- Dave Best: Hey--why wait till then? There'll be plenty of room in the back of the van when you get out--I've had my eye on that clock of yours.
- Norma Speakman: Ha, ha--you cheeky begger. Hugh Scully'd give us a few bob for that.
- Denise Royle: Will you stop talking about Nana dying?
- Jim Royle: Yeah! Have a little bit of respect--wait till she's gone out of the door.
- [laughs]
- Jim Royle: Oh, I'm only joking, Norma--bloody hell, it'll be a sad day in this house when you snuff it... if we don't get that clock.
- Barbara Royle: Oh--he hasn't got a heart, Mam--he's got a swinging brick.
- Dave Best: 'Ey, I'm rough today, me, me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night.
- Jim Royle: I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you?
- Antony Royle: How d'ya know if it's a bad pint?
- Dave Best: Cos you can shit through the eye of a needle.
- Jim Royle: Where did you go?
- Dave Best: Pear Tree.
- Jim Royle: Bloody hell, you don't wanna drink in there.
- Dave Best: Well, I know that now, don't I?
- Jim Royle: Bloody hell. He doesn't clean his pumps him.
- Antony Royle: No, actually the lager's all right.
- Jim Royle: How would you know, soft lad?
- Antony Royle: Dad, I'm 15.
- Jim Royle: 'Ey! Listen, if I ever catch you in The Feathers, I'll clip you round the bloody ear, you do not shit on your own doorstep!
- Dave Best: I nearly did last night, I couldn't get the key in quick enough.
- Dave Best: [Jim, Dave and Denise are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? The previous question was Ethanol is a form of which substance?] Alcohol. I thought you would've known that, Denise.
- Denise Royle: I've never even drank ethanol.
- Denise Royle: Shall we go down The Feathers for the last hour?
- Dave Best: No, I'm knackered.
- Denise Royle: OK. I'm not bothered anyway--we can always stay in and watch the telly.
- Dave Best: Is there owt on?
- Denise Royle: No.
- Dave Best: Well, we may as well go down the Feathers then.
- Denise Royle: You were too knackered to go a minute ago!
- Barbara Royle: Oh, let him go for a drink if that's what he wants!
- Denise Royle: I just asked him! He said he was too knackered to go!
- Dave Best: Do you wanna go or what?
- Denise Royle: I wanted to go in the first place. I'm not going now anyway--you've annoyed me.