Ralf Little: Antony Royle

The Royle Family

Antony Royle

Dave Best: 'Ey, I'm rough today, me, me guts are well off, I had a bad pint last night.
Jim Royle: I bet you washed them down with a few more, though, didn't you?
Antony Royle: How d'ya know if it's a bad pint?
Dave Best: Cos you can shit through the eye of a needle.
Jim Royle: Where did you go?
Dave Best: Pear Tree.
Jim Royle: Bloody hell, you don't wanna drink in there.
Dave Best: Well, I know that now, don't I?
Jim Royle: Bloody hell. He doesn't clean his pumps him.
Antony Royle: No, actually the lager's all right.
Jim Royle: How would you know, soft lad?
Antony Royle: Dad, I'm 15.
Jim Royle: 'Ey! Listen, if I ever catch you in The Feathers, I'll clip you round the bloody ear, you do not shit on your own doorstep!
Dave Best: I nearly did last night, I couldn't get the key in quick enough.

Barbara Royle: [talking about Cheryl] Have you asked her to be bridesmaid?
Denise Royle: Aw, yeah, aw, she was thrilled.
Jim Royle: Bridesmaid, my arse, she'll look like a bloody Easter egg on legs.
Antony Royle: Yeah, and the only reason you're having her as a bridesmaid is to make you look better.
Denise Royle: Get lost, Antony!
Barbara Royle: Is she really on a diet?
Denise Royle: Yeah.
Barbara Royle: D'ya think she'll ever get married?
Antony Royle: Who'd have her?
Jim Royle: Stevie Wonder.
Antony Royle: [laughs] Yeah.

Barbara Royle: Antony, take that chicken out to the bins, will you, love? That chicken will start to stink if we leave it out.
Antony Royle: Mam, I've just sat down,
[points at Jim]
Antony Royle: what about lazy-arse here?
Barbara Royle: 'Ey! There's to much swearing in this house.
[turns to Jim]
Barbara Royle: That's you, that is, Jim, you've taught him that!
Jim Royle: Taught him my arse!

Antony Royle: Who's stunk that toilet out?
Barbara Royle: Who d'ya think?
Jim Royle: Well, that's what it's for isn't it? Where d'you expect me to shit? You'd soon have something to worry about if I crapped in the kitchen.